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Friday, 30, 2004 Sinclair to Preempt `Nightline' on ABC Stations, Cites Politics April 29
(Bloomberg) -- Sinclair Broadcast Group Inc. ordered its ABC affiliates to
preempt tomorrow's broadcast of ``Nightline,'' which will air the names and
photos of U.S. military personnel who have died in combat in Iraq, saying
the move is politically motivated.
"Despite the denials by a spokeswoman for the show, the action appears to be motivated by a political agenda designed to undermine the efforts of the United States in Iraq,'' the company said in a faxed statement. Sinclair, which owns 62 U.S. television stations, said ABC is disguising political statements as news content. Right on!! At least
someone in the media recognized the angle that Ted Koppel will be trying to
push. 
McDermott Omits 'Under God' from Pledge It has been
a tradition since 1988 that the House of Representatives begins every
morning with a recitation of the Pledge of Allegiance. They alternate
back and forth between the parties as to who will lead them in making the
pledge. May I introduce to you atheist, God and America hating congressman
Jim Mc Dermott. I don't have to tell you that he is a Democrat do I? .... McDermott, failed to say the words "under God" as he led the House in the pledge on Tuesday morning. (he stood silent while everyone else said the words) A producer for C-SPAN, the cable channel who covers House floor proceedings gavel to gavel, immediately called the main offices at C-SPAN to relay to them Mr. McDermott's omission when reciting the pledge. C-SPAN Spokeswoman, Robin Scullin, confirmed the omission but also said no calls of complaints were received from viewers. No complaint calls were received? Well, no duh! I think the 5 people watching C-SPAN at the time probably don't own telephones and even if they did they wouldn't feel a need to call and complain. I'm sure the 5 or 6 yard apes actually watching C-SPAN were so busy giving each other high-fives that they didn't have a chance to place a call. Besides, they would never complain about the fact that he "omitted" the words. Worthless vial heathens! Anyway, remember Mc Dermott? Right before the war in Iraq started he and some other jackass, I forget his name, went over to Iraq and - from Iraqi soil - stated that Saddam could be trusted to let the inspectors look for WMD's and that "I think the president would mislead the American public." So he trusted Saddam more than our own President and he stated that fact while on their soil. Why hasn't someone taken a shovel to this guys intestines? This little
omission of the words 'under God' isn't the first time he let his liberal
left side show. In June of 2002, the 9th U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals ruled that it is unconstitutional to have school children recite the Pledge in class because it includes the words "under God." In response to that decision, the House overwhelmingly approved two resolutions condemning and expressing outrage at the decision. In a March 2003 House resolution, which was approved 400-7, condemning the 9th Circuit decision, Mr. McDermott was one of the seven, all Democrats, to vote against the resolution. Imagine that. Can we get these guys deported back to France? One thing this story omitted is that he didn't place his hand on the bible either. What a schmuck. Now, just how did he try and spin it? Well, Mike DeCesare, spokesman for McDermott, said the congressman "hesitated, unsure of what he should do because the words 'under God' are under court review." What a transparent,
asinine, bulls**t statement! Just for uttering that, a shovel should
be taken to that guys head until his face resembles a Picasso painting!
No head line here. These are just some results of a poll done by CBS <BS being the operative letters there> I hate polls. Well, other than my own. But that is a different issue. What I really want you to look at here is the "dislike other candidates" result. Number one, they add that 38% to the tally of the poll in an attempt to make it look like Kerry is ahead of Bush. That just isn't true. It is intellectually dishonest to lump a dislike of one candidate into the equation. What this boils down to is that the voters who are for President Bush are for him because they like him and agree with what he stands for. It is the opposite for Kerry. Voters don't really like Kerry or support him - they just hate Bush. SUPPORT CANDIDATE BECAUSE…
This just shows
that John F*ing Kerry has not inspired anyone or energized them to vote for
him. If he is still the Democratic candidate when election time rolls around
he is going to get creamed. Trust me. Case in point - the Bill Clinton/ Bob Dole campaigns. Bob Dole didn't run on a vision. He really had nothing to offer. He didn't give us a reason to vote for him other than just to get Clinton out of office. Which was the right thing to do, but that alone didn't inspire or energize people to vote. It didn't work. Kerry is campaigning the same way. It isn't going to work for him either! If you really feel
like scrambling your brain click the link and see how these polls are
manipulated to get the results that the liberals want. Warning - you will
want to take a shovel to your own dome by the time you are done. Knicker-thief's mammoth haul Japanese police who
arrested a 55-year-old man for stealing women's underwear raided his home to
find 4000 pairs of knickers collected over 30 years, police said yesterday.
Local reports said the man from the western Japan city of Hiroshima had
confessed to stealing the items. "I love women's underwear and could not control my desire," he was quoted as saying by the private Fuji television network. Hey, who among us? huh??? The fetishist's run came to an end when the husband of one of his unsuspecting victims caught him on his balcony allegedly preparing to add to his stash, police said. Police said they had confiscated the 4,000 pairs of underpants. He ain't got
nothing on David Lee Roth's collection. Wine, Cigars, Deer Head -- Charge It to Uncle Sam WASHINGTON (Reuters) - Cosmetic surgery, a mounted deer head, designer briefcases and pricey wine are among goods improperly charged to U.S. government credit cards by employees, according to a report released on Wednesday. The General Accounting Office, the investigative arm of Congress, said in a report that hundreds of millions of dollars could be saved each year if there were stricter controls on the use of government-issued credit cards. How about stricter control on government use of ANYTHING! The government-wide purchase card program began in 1989 with the aim of streamlining federal buying and cutting down on processing costs. Card use was initially restricted to procurement personnel but later expanded. What government program isn't expanded? They all end up costing 10 times
what the original projection cost is. Our government will never do with less
and that just sucks! The spending on these government cards went from $1 billion in 1994 to $16 billion in 2003. What the hell? Are they issuing these cards to mad, out of control housewives? They have cases where a Navy employee made 59 fraudulent charges including the purchase of two cars and a motorcycle totaling more than $132,000 and another where a Defense Department employee racked up over $1.7 million in purchases to a fictitious company that her brother had set up. What is the governments response to dealing with it? "Examples like this one demonstrate the need for better controls over the purchase card program and demonstrates why it is vital to give agencies the tools they need to control fraud and abuse," said Sen. Susan Collins, a Maine Republican, at the committee hearing. Collins said she, along with Wisconsin Democratic Sen. Russ Feingold, would introduce legislation aimed at cracking down on such wasteful spending. What if all laws worked like this? You don't punish the guilty person for breaking the law, you just form a committee to try and figure out a way to insure that the person won't be able to break the law again. It is an asinine way to go about things, but it is your government at work. Lets send the horse thieves over to keep an eye on the chicken thieves. WHAP WHAP WHAP!!!!
Two Voting Companies & Two
Brothers Will Count 80% of U.S. Election -
Even if states or
counties hire their own technicians to re-program Diebold or ES&S
software
 (or software from
other companies), experts say that permanently
installed software, called firmware, still resides inside
of both electronic scanners and touchscreen machines and is capable of
manipulating votes. For those who are unfamiliar with the term
'firmware', here's a definition by BandwidthMarket.com: "Software that
is embedded in a hardware device that allows reading and executing the
software, but does not allow modification, e.g., writing or deleting
data by an end user."
I don't know how much I would put into this story. The lady writing it is a lefty. I think she just might be setting it up so that every Democratic loss can be blamed on some sort of software rigging or manipulation. It is sort of interesting if you have the time to read it though. Thursday, 29, 2004 Fresh Hope for Fat Bunnies LONDON (Reuters) - The dangers of obesity to kids may be all over the headlines just now but spare a thought for the legions of fat rabbits -- overfed and under-exercised by their doting British owners. Oh yes, let us pause to give a special thought to the poor rabbits. This story is just white knuckle gripping maddening. "It is a big problem. Rabbits are being killed with kindness. Do we really need a "head" of some universities animal service to tell us that jamming pizza down any animals feed cavity might not be such a good thing? This is just a pointless article. It goes on to explain that adults, not children, are the ones who are over stuffing the bunnies. Uuuugh... Liberals. Always splitting hares.
Officials: Marijuana Falls From Softball Player's Glove A 17-year-old
softball player was cited for possession after a bag of marijuana allegedly
fell from her ball glove, The Star Beacon reported. The girl, who is
a member of the Conneaut High School softball team, was running onto the
field Somebody call Tommy Chong.
Add Porn Star To List Of Outsourced U.S. Jobs
Wouldn't it be ironic to blame this
outsourcing on Bush? American X-rated film directors are heading to Brazil in search of uninhibited women, exotic locations and cheap production costs. The going rate for a Brazilian X-rated actress is about $175 per sex scene -- a fraction of what talent in the Los Angeles area costs. I guess Kerry can truly refer to these guys as a Benedicked Arnold
company. Drunk Driving Teacher Fired This is just
classic.
Students taking the class say the teacher was slurring her words and falling over tables shortly after she showed them a movie about the dangers of drinking and driving. Saginaw Township police say the instructor does not face any criminal charges. Maybe she was
'method' teaching. Wednesday, 28, 2004 Minister forecasts fines for weathermen I kind of like this idea and I think we should consider implementing it here in the United States. I mean, name me one other profession where you can just repeatedly do your job wrong and not face any consequences. Well, other than Congressman or Senator. Russian weathermen
who get their predictions wrong could face stiff fines if one government
minister has his way. And repeat offenders could even be sent to jail, if
Emergency Situations Minister Sergei Shoigu's plan is approved. The minister
was speaking in Irkutsk, which is on flood alert. He said he wanted
weathermen to pay the price if they got forecasts wrong, because that led to
emergency services being needlessly called out. Over here, in the
U.S., it leads to the needless emptying of bread and milk from grocery
stores shelves.
I like the way this
guy thinks. I would like to take my shovel and expand on his idea! Robbers Die Trying to Hold-Up Suicide Bomber
This is Darwin karma at its very best. Two idiot
Palestinians tried to rob a Hamas guy at gun point. He just happened to be a
suicide bomber.
These guys forced the Hamas guy
to lie on the ground, so he just detonated the bomb and killed all three of
them. Sweet. U.S. planes, artillery pound targets in Fallujah FALLUJAH, Iraq -
U.S. warplanes and artillery attacked Sunni insurgents holed up in a slum in
a thunderous show of force that rocked Fallujah Tuesday, sending huge plumes
of black smoke into the night sky. The assault came after American troops
killed 64 gunmen near the southern city of Najaf. It is about time!
Rain Hell from above!! German woman in court for laughing BERLIN
(Reuters) - A German took his female neighbor to court for laughing too
loudly. But she had the last laugh -- the judge threw out the case, saying
Germany could not ban laughter, newspapers report. Unemployed Bernd F., 52,
complained to magistrates that 47-year-old Barbara M. kept him awake with
over four hours of loud laughter one evening as she enjoyed a meal with
eight friends in her Berlin flat above his, Bild daily said.
The judge dismissed the complaint of disturbing the peace, saying the woman had not broken any noise restrictions. "Laughter is a general sound of life. It will not be banned," he said.
There might have been a different verdict if we hadn't gotten rid of Hitler, huh?
Tuesday, 27, 2004
Drunk bulldozer-driving German
arrested
BERLIN - German police
stopped a 17-ton bulldozer weaving through Berlin’s streets at 3 a.m. by
jumping onto the excavator, smashing the window and spraying mace into the
driver’s face.
Will this be Germanys
Rodney King? "Can't alle, das wir gerade entlang erhalten?" A police spokesman said a 28-year-old man was detained for drunk driving and may be charged with theft for taking the bulldozer on a 2.5-mile joyride Sunday after leaving a pub in the Berlin district of Neukoelln. The story says
that he was spotted because he ran through a red light. Umm... Shouldn't
it have been, spotted because he was driving a freaking tank? FIREFIGHTERS CALLED TO PUT THEIR ENGINE OUT
Who would ever
imagine that the firemen would have to call the fireman for help with a
fire at the firehouse? HELLO??!!? I wonder just how much effort is put
into the training of firefighters in the UK, which is where this happened.
That sentence makes
me wonder what the reporters over there are taught in grammar class. Do
their papers have literate editors?
A half hour to
resolve and there wasn't even a fire? Scary! Somebody call Ray Bradbury. Action Man in doll-drums ACTION MAN sales have slumped since his makers tried to make him politically correct. Instead of being a tough fighting machine dressed in no-nonsense military gear, today’s Lycra-clad Action Man is a surfer boy obsessed with extreme sports.
What woman, or wimp,
was on the board that made the decision to make that change? Boys like
playing with tough fighting heroes. We like for our toy figures to have
machine guns and other weapons so that we ... the revamp of the once-popular figure has backfired badly for makers Hasbro. Sales have fallen 45 per cent in three years, according to experts. The macho doll became a top-seller soon after he first appeared in 1966.The PC character is now said to be an “extreme sports enthusiast” and accessories include a surfboard and a bike.
Macho doll? My
god, that is so insipid that it just makes me itch!
'Strange
force' plays mind games with family
Hmm... That isn't
exactly the Walton's is it?
I think her daughter
might be dating Beavis. Or I would check to make sure that she isn't doing
mounds of blow and channeling the spirit of Drew Barrymore.
Monday, 26, 2004 Misys gives Pecker head job Honest to God that is the real head line. After 14 years
inside Misys in Europe, Rudi Pecker has been elevated to the Man, that is a
funny read. No real story here. I just thought you would get a chuckle out
of it. With cafe leaving, it is no longer grounds for closing strip club
Salt Lake City officials can stop wondering whether the
Main Street Coffee House is a church. It is closing April 30. The 100 to 150
daily customers aren't bringing in enough money to cover the rent and wages
for one full-time employee. Salt Lake City was investigating whether the cafe, which also holds Sunday church services, fits the definition of a "place of worship." If it did, that could have meant the nearby Crazy Goat Saloon was operating illegally as a seminude strip club. Crazy Goat? There is just something basely wrong with a seminude club being named The Crazy goat. That name conjures up images of an Alabama brothel. Which is never a good thing. Basically this story is one little towns convoluted mess of a battle over morals. Under law a
sexually oriented business cannot operate within 1,000 feet of a church. So
these religious zealots started holding Sunday services in this cafe in
hopes of it being defined as a place of worship so they could get the saloon
shut down. It is a moot point now because the shop is going belly up. Not to
worry though because there is still some fun to be had. The "church" is
suing the city for giving the saloon a strippers license and the saloon is
suing the church and the city. I say give everyone a shovel and turn them
loose on one another! Fey reflects on her funniest moments Tina Fey's favorite "Weekend Update" moments: I'll leave this blank and link less for obvious reasons. She and SNF are about as funny as a full blown case of genital warts! Naked man disrupts voting This happened
in Africa. Obviously, he is an expatriated Democrat. Maybe from the Gore campaign. Independent Electoral Commission officials had prepared for many eventualities, but a naked man was not among those. Police wanted Abram Mkhonza to join the queue, but Mkhonza refused. "The reason why I'm doing this is that authorities in Pepville refuse to allow me to plow the land in Swaziland." Who among us hasn't
been refused the right to plow in "Swaziland?"
Well, duh. It's let the
naked guy go to the front of the queue (line) or have him stand there next
to you. That is a no brainer. New places for sharing spirituality include some with taps and spirits Robbie Cheuvront
made an unusual request before he started to play praise songs at a recent
gathering of the young adult ministry of the Fairview Church. He reminded
everyone to remember Mike, the bartender, and tip him well. Well, this news goes right along with the earlier Salt Lake news. Seems that these people, unlike the ones in Salt Lake, learned the lesson of going to where the sinners are. Seems they have embraced the words of an infamous drunk idiot, "can't we all just get along?" The group, which calls itself The Savage Generation, meets once a month at The Lady Godiva Pub, to reach out to 20-somethings who are interested in talking about God in an unchurchlike atmosphere. More and more, church groups are meeting in bars or other nontraditional locations to reach out to people who might feel a little intimidated by churches and those who don't feel spiritual in traditional settings. In other words, those who would attend if there were a BYOB policy in place. Many young people feel a spiritual disconnect even at mega-churches with spectacular worship services, he said. Umm.. Hello? The mega-churches with the "spectacular" worship services are the exact reason that people, both young and old, feel a disconnect, you idiot! I don't think Jesus ever conducted a service that included pyrotechnics and a 15,000,000 watt surround sound sound system. A nice shade tree and a soft spoken voice will draw more people than any of the bells and whistles you try and offer up. Anyway, this story continues about drawing a different crowd and then it just slips off the deep end. That's also part of the focus of Theology on Tap, a program in many Catholic dioceses around the country that aims to talk with young adults about religion in a relaxed atmosphere. Robin Barnes, a member of the Cathedral and a regular attendee at Theology on Tap, said that while ''on tap'' is part of the name, people don't drink very much. ''It helps me communicate to the people that a pub isn't a bar,'' he said. Ok. A pub isn't a
bar and a saloon
isn't a tavern and a pub isn't a saloon and a liberal isn't a bed wetter.
How far are you going to try and push this? Geez!
Diary of Einstein's girlfriend found
PRINCETON, N.J.
(AP) - He could have saved
his energy and just hired Bill Maher. After a few minutes of un-laughable
perspicacity the parrot might have actually killed itself and saved both of
them a little grief.
What do you get if you type 'waffles' into Google? heheheeeeeee
Friday. 23, 2004 Heinz Shuns Kerry,
Supports Bush, GOP WASHINGTON -
Although likely Democratic presidential nominee John F. Kerry's wife is an
heiress to H. J. Heinz Co., members of the company's board of directors as well
as the company's political action committee are supporting President George W.
Bush and the Republican Party. This is so fine. Don't you just love it! His own people aren't even behind him. Also, isn't it hilarious that the press is referring to him as the "likely" Dem candidate? The Fortune 500 ketchup king has contributed $5,000 through its PAC to the Bush reelection campaign and nearly $60,000 to other Republicans candidates. This is three times as much money as donated to Democratic candidates. Interestingly, the Heinz PAC has decided not to give any money to the Kerry campaign, despite the fact that Kerry's wife, Teresa Heinz Kerry, is so closely tied to the company. That just hurts. I can just see Kerry reacting to that news. Just kind of curled up on the floor squirming and writhing like a slug covered with salt. Kerry has been labeled hypocritical by Republicans in the presidential campaign for blasting outsourcing of American jobs while the Heinz Co. and Kerry's wife have simultaneously benefited financially from it. Washington-based American Enterprise Institute economic analyst James Glassman said the connection between Kerry and the Heinz Co., which has outsourced nearly 70 percent of its workforce overseas, has merit because of Kerry's strong political stance against outsourcing. Boy did he put his foot
in mouth when he made that comment. You noticed how quickly he shut up about
outsourcing when that fact was brought to light. This guy has taken both sides
of every issue that has been tossed at him so far. What a joke. Actually, I
don't even think this guy wants to be president. I think he got hoodwinked into
running or he is just an attention starved horse faced freak. President Bush is
going to wipe the floor with him in November. I bet he takes over 50% of the
vote. Kerry talks coastal conservation in south Louisiana SHELL BEACH, La. (AP) -- John Kerry took to a small boat here Wednesday to get a firsthand look at a big Louisiana worry: the eroding coastline. Then, standing at the edge of that disappearing shore,
Kerry presented himself as at one with the state's concerns and culture, a
northern politician with a Southern heart and a taste for fishing, hunting and
conservation. It was a Louisiana pitch in a place where bayou, marsh, and Gulf come together, an emblematic backdrop recognizable to the most distant television audience. Kerry said it reminded him of the Vietnam he saw as a young Naval officer. This is too freaking funny! A northern politician with a southern heart? Ok, I'm going to have to use my shovel for one of its actual intended purposes here because the sh*t is getting deep fast! The only thing Kerry has in common with the south is that we use his wife's catsup as an ingredient in our barbeque sauce. I'm sure the citizens of Louisiana really appreciated the fact that their state reminded him of that hell hole Vietnam. He just has to bring that up every time he opens his mouth. Doesn't he? What will be next? Vietnam flash backs at a doggie kennel in Montana? Or better yet at a ski resort!! "This resort brings back memories. I haven't hit the slopes like this since Vietnam!"
Iraq Violence Scaring Some Contractors BAGHDAD, Iraq - Violence across Iraq has interrupted repair on key electricity and water systems and forced giant firms Siemens AG, Bechtel and General Electric to suspend some reconstruction projects, threatening to undermine the critical U.S. goal of rebuilding Iraq. Isn't it ironic that Siemens 'pulled out'? Prematurely evacuated. heehe Sorry. Anyway, there isn't a
real story here. Say it with me....QUAGMIRE!! Quagmire!! Oh, the humanity of it all! Damn George Bush and Halliburton! Especially Halliburton and especially George Bush. We are all going to die! Would these whacks
please shut up! No wonder the press isn't reporting anything positive from over
there. They don't have time because they are to busy trying to spin non-issues
into something negative. Whap! EARTH DAY Boy oh boy, didn't you
just feel the love for Mother Earth yesterday? So, did you celebrate
it? I damn sure did. I went clubbing!!! And I'm not talking about the bars,
chicks, dancing and drinking kind of clubbing. I'm talking about a beautiful
open beach, a gaggle of baby seals and fist full of lumber! That type of
clubbing!!! Sweet! Spade meets seal. Thursday, 22, 2004 Convicted
Murderer Arrested While Registering Democratic Voters in South Dakota Imagine that - a murderer working to register bums to vote for Democrats. Joseph Prentice was taken into custody when he refused to leave the Cornerstone Rescue Mission after a resident complained of being harassed. John Elving, a supervisor at the mission told Talon News that the man had been there the previous day but left when asked. Police were first alerted to Prentice through complaints about individuals aggressively soliciting voter registration in parking lots and public areas. In the course of the investigation, it was discovered that the men were being paid a bounty of $3 for each Democrat they registered. How about that? The Democrats have just admitted that the total sum of your worth to them is $3. Prentice and several others were recruited from Denver, Colorado for a voter registration drive. Prentice showed police a California driver's license, but listed his address as homeless. While in Rapid City, he and the others stayed at the Corral Motel. Prentice pleaded guilty to trespassing and was sentenced 30 days, with 30 days suspended sentence. He also pleaded guilty to possession of drug paraphernalia. Paraphernalia. What do we have here, registering for reefer? Further
investigation into his background revealed a long history of trouble with
the law. In 1992, he pleaded guilty in Seattle, WA to second-degree murder
and was sentenced to 38 months in prison. The story didn't
describe the details of the murder conviction but it did go on to list other
things this guy has been charged with. Charges including, disturbing the
peace, providing false information, solicitation of prostitution, owner
operated uninsured, driving without a valid license, DUI, and leaving the
scene of an accident. Hmmmm... those last two charges got Ted 'whiskey boy'
Kennedy a seat in the Senate! Anyway, that is an impressive list. I'm
surprised he isn't a Democratic candidate out there in Colorado. Might he be
Kerry's October surprise? Boy, 6, Dies After Being Left Overnight Inside Oven
This low carb diet craze is affecting every ones brains! Kenneth Lee Pierott, 27, is accused of killing Tre-Devin Odoms, who was left overnight in the oven at the boy's Beaumont home last week. Preliminary autopsy results indicated the boy was asphyxiated. According to a police affidavit, Pierott believed the child was "draining the life" from his 2-year-old son, Jacory, and "he needed to kill Trey so that Jacory could breathe." Kenneth Pierott's
mother, Urestine Pierott, has described him as "a sweet, young man that any
mother would have trusted" but who suffers from a mental illness. She told
The Associated Press she first realized her son Wh...wh...What? He was sweet and any mother would have trusted him? How? I guess in that 'just don't let him get his hands on a dumbbell' type of way. Pierott was found innocent by reason of insanity for her slaying and was released from a state hospital in 1998. I will never
understand how the fact that you are declared insane could lead to a SHORTER
sentence! DNA kits to
combat spitting menace
The story offers no
explanation as to why bus drivers are spat on so frequently. I assume it is
just a custom of the French! I can see this leading to a new CSI series.
CSI-Expectorate. Wednesday, 21, 2004 USA TODAY editor resigns after reporter's misdeeds USA TODAY Editor
Karen Jurgensen resigned Tuesday, one month after former USA TODAY reporter
Jack Kelley was found to have fabricated numerous stories and lifted
material A panel of USA TODAY reporters investigating Kelley's work over the years reported on March 19 that Kelley, a foreign correspondent, fabricated substantial portions of at least eight major stories, lifted nearly two dozen quotes or other material from competing publications and conspired to mislead those investigating his work. Kelley, 43, resigned in January. Damn liberals. I
just wonder what sort of slant his 'fabrications' took. Let me guess.....he
went NASCAR. Crow to Perform on Airline Flight NEW YORK - Sheryl
Crow has performed across the country — but never during one show.
And never before has she performed for an audience that is truly "captive". No walking out on this one. On May 4, Crow is to perform on board a United Airlines flight marking the launch of United's partnership with Sony's new Connect Online Music Service. Crow, a select group of fans and invited guests will fly from Chicago to Los Angeles. Crow is slated to perform for 40 minutes with a guitar player for an acoustic set. Notice that it is a
select group and invited guest. They couldn't give away free flights for
this misguided minstrel. I hope the preflight screening is very lax on this
flight. Kerry refuses to release more records WASHINGTON -- The day after John F. Kerry said he would make all of his military records available for inspection at his campaign headquarters, a spokesman said the senator would not release any new documents, leaving undisclosed many of Kerry's evaluations by his Navy commanding officers, some medical records, and possibly other material.
But when a reporter showed up yesterday morning to review the documents, the campaign staff declined, saying all requests must go through the press spokesman, Michael Meehan. Late yesterday, Meehan said the only records available would be those already released to this newspaper." Say, no. Kerry
didn't just flip-flop again did he? I hear that Johnson & Johnson are coming
out with a brand new type of Band-aid called 'the Kerry.' Each band-aid
strip comes with a Purple Heart. Bad vibrations surround suit over tongue toy Now tongues are
wagging in a My own self-imposed
rules of decency prevent me from commenting here. But this is one bizarre
story. Powell says relationship with Cheney 'excellent'Powell also disputed Woodward's contention that he and Cheney were so estranged by their differences over the war that they barely speak, insisting that his relationship with the vice president is "excellent." "When the vice president and I are alone, it's Colin and Dick," he said.
It's just Colon and Dick? err... Colin, I mean.
There -- I just handed the libs a joke. Will they have the sense to run with
it? Me doubts it. On this day.... in 1956 Elvis Presley's 1st hit record, "Heartbreak Hotel", became #1. He celebrated with a fried banana sandwich. In1980 the 84th Boston Marathon was won by Bill Rodgers of Massachusetts -- was that the last time we could pronounce the winners name without speaking in "clicks"?, in 1986 Geraldo Rivera opened Al Capone's vault on TV & finds nothing. His career started as a joke and, well, we know the rest! Tuesday, 20, 2004 New $50 bills on the way NEW YORK (CNN/Money) - If you've been waiting to see the redesigned $50 bill, relax. The wait is almost over. If you have
actually been waiting to see the design of the new $50 bill your life is
empty and you are a looser, and I'm willing to bet that a picture of one in
the newspaper is pretty much as close to seeing it as you will ever get.
On Monday, April 26, the Bureau of Engraving and Printing (BEP) will unveil the new-look $50, the latest in a series of currency redesigns over the past few years. The retoolings are part of a larger government effort to thwart counterfeiters. The $50 bill
debuted in 1862 and today there are approximately 1.2 billion 50's in
circulation. A quarter of which have been rolled up and used to transport
blow to Charlie Sheen's nostrils. Cosmetic 'Voice Lift' Surgery Can Make You Sound Younger PHILADELPHIA
-- After the tummy tuck, the forehead tightener, the nose job and the
jowl trim, something still might be giving away your age: your voice. For
patients who think their trembly, raspy or wispy words don't match their
newly firm face and figure, there's a procedure that claims to make them
sound younger too: the voice lift. In other words they go from sweet to bitchy. Just kidding. Or ...heeheeee A lifetime of talking, yelling and singing can make the cords -- and the voice -- coarse. And increasingly, those with craggy or cracking voices are seeking the procedure for aesthetic reasons, he said. I think I am
going to pass the collection shovel and see if we can raise enough money
to do something about Fran Drescher's voice. I'm sure you will all give
generously. Rangel
calls Iraq war a ``death tax'' on poor and minorities Huh? The congressman said about a quarter of those killed in action so far have been black or Hispanic. Well, they make up about a quarter of the population so isn't that number about right? "Too few people are paying this high penalty of a death tax," he told a luncheon at the National Press Club. Too few? Is he
advocating more death? Or does he mean too few crackers?
He also repeated his call for Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld to be fired, and a draft reinstituted to share the burden of the fighting across all segments of society. A liberal wanting to reinstate the draft? To share the burden? That doesn't sound right. This just boils down to another liberal wanting it both ways. Excuse me, Rangel, but if the draft were reinstated you would immediately flip back and say that the draft wasn't fair because people with money and power would use that power to pull strings and avoid the draft, thus the "poor and minority" would be the only ones being drafted. You can't possibly be calling for something that you have repeatedly impugned as unfair. You make no sense you CLOD! I can't believe
this racist idiot keeps getting reelected. You have just witnessed a few
ramblings from a retard who would be begging for change on the corner of
the street if this country hadn't afforded him the luxury of being able to
trick people into voting for him. Suit filed for $25,000,036 APRIL 19--"Girls
Gone Wild" founder Joseph Francis today filed a $25 million defamation
lawsuit against the Texas woman who last month accused him of rape.
Claiming that he would not "sit back and be called a rapist," Francis
filed the below Florida Circuit Court lawsuit against the 21-year-woman
and a friend who accompanied I freaking love
it! "Give me $25 mill, oh and $36 for the burgers I tossed down your
throat, you filthy little shrew. Monday, 19, 2004 KEVIN SPACEY MUGGED AND BEATEN IN LONDON PARK The 44-year-old actor told police he was attacked and robbed of his mobile phone while walking his dog in a London park at 4.30am. He was treated in hospital for a head injury. But bizarrely hours later Spacey, who has constantly fought rumours that he is gay, contacted officers to withdraw his earlier claim. Baffled police said: "There's now no crime to investigate." Spacey, who lives near the park, was unavailable for comment last night.
Oh yeah, this is
breaking, but come on. Skull found in Oregon may date to 1600s PORTLAND, Oregon
(AP) — Forensic scientists think a skull found while a man was renovating
his dining room is that of an American Indian, possibly dating to the 1600s.
Although the case is still pending, Portland police say they don't intend to
investigate. Everyone agrees the skull was likely placed in Royland's house
decades before he bought it. "The owners who were there when the plaster went up are probably deceased," said Southeast Precinct Cmdr. Dave Benson. "There is no indication of any kind of criminal activity at this point. This is an artifact." But Royland, 51, said he isn't going to ask for it back. "I don't want the thing, man," he said. "That would be pretty rude."
Hello? You don't want
it? Can you say EBay? Mini-railway vandals fear after accident
The operator of a miniature railway in the grounds of
a Shropshire stately home believes vandals may have caused a Bank Holiday
derailment in which a woman passenger was injured.
Vandals? This was
obviously a terrorist training mission. Get President Bush
back to the podium. What did he know and when did he know it? Spanish spelling bee may violate state law
A state education
administrator is warning Roosevelt Elementary School District that
Spanish-language word games might violate the state's English-only classroom
requirements. "For kids that are just learning English, they should be just learning English," Garcia-Dugan said, adding that the district could be sanctioned for being out of compliance with Proposition 203's English-only legislation. Failing to abide by the proposition could result in the loss of state funding, she said.
I agree completely. You burrito sucking, sour
cream slinging, leaf blower toting freaks. Can you spell, "no more anything
until you speak our freaking language!!" Tallest
Living Man Still Growing A woman touches the fist of Ukrainian veterinarian Leonid Stadnik, said to be the world's tallest man, in the village of Podoliantsi in Ukraine's Zhytomyr regin 210 km (130 miles) west of the capital Kiev on Friday, April 16, 2004. Standik is 2.53 meters tall, his hand is 31 centimeters long, and he does not stop growing. Is that a look of astonishment
or unmitigated lust? Looks like that chick needs a cold shovel. Foiled al-Qaida Attackers Caught Red-Handed With WMDs Two members of an al-Qaida cell connected to top terror master Abu Musab al-Zarqawi have been caught in Jordan with chemical weapons and poisonous gas for a planned attack that Jordanian officials say would have killed up to 20,000 people. The officials told the London-based newspaper al-Hayat
on Friday that the al-Qaida plotters planned to launch a WMD attack against
a Jordanian Military Intelligence installation, the U.S. Embassy in Amman
and a government building in the country. "The bomb, had it been detonated, could have affected people in a one-kilometer radius and cause the deaths of up to 20,000 people," Jordanian officials told Maariv. The discovery of the al-Qaida WMD plot is sure to renew speculation that some of Saddam Hussein's missing weapons of mass destruction were hidden in Syria before the U.S. attacked in March 2003, and have now found their way into al-Qaida's hands.This was all over
the media! I mean I saw it .....ummmmm.... well, come to think of it -- no where. Imagine that!
Don't you just love the media?
Friday, 16, 2004 First faith-based women's prison opens TALLAHASSEE,
Florida (AP) -- The nation's first faith-based prison for women
opened in a Tampa-area detention center Wednesday, nearly five months after
a similar program began for men. I wonder how many
times that offering plate is going to come back empty? The ceremonious
passing of the offering plate will have to be followed by the newly adopted
ceremonious pat down. Minister Dies From Snakebite at Easter JONESVILLE, Va. - A
preacher bitten by a rattlesnake as he handled it during an Easter service
at a rural church died after refusing medical treatment, authorities said.
The Rev.
Dwayne Long died a day after being bitten on a finger during a service at
his church, No one attending the service at the Pentecostal church sought medical help, Parsons said. Members believe when people die from a snakebite during a service, it is a sign that it was their time to go. The very idea that
you would want to shake a snake is a sign that it is time for you to go!!
Jesse Ventura Eyes 2008 Presidential Bid CAMBRIDGE, Mass. - Refreshed from a semester as a visiting professor at Harvard University, former pro wrestler and Minnesota Gov. Jesse Ventura says he's considering an independent run for the White House in 2008, although he acknowledges that being leader of the free world might be too confining for him. Too confining? I
think the word you were looking for is 'confusing'. "That's an issue with me. I love my freedom," Ventura said in an interview with The Associated Press at his office at the John F. Kennedy School of Government. "The part that would bug me is I wouldn't be able to get up in the night and drive to the 7-11 for a Slurpee, not without them blocking off the roads, welding the manhole covers shut, and everything else that goes along with it." This guy has been put in the 'sleeper hold' one too many times. I picture his brain being the consistency of a Slurpee. Ventura speaks like a man preparing to be a candidate. He said he'll decide next year because he'll need plenty of time to get on the ballot. And he won't have a political affiliation — "No party, no nothing," he said. He's already come up with a campaign message: "Elect someone who truly is not controlled by special-interest money. With me, you would get a true check and balance," Ventura said. "No party, no nothing" Do you have any other keen pearls of wisdom to impart, Jessi? Where were you when those simpletons were drafting the Constitution? They could have used a wordsmith like you. "We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their creator with certain stuff...."
Man and dog play "go fetch"' with axe BERLIN (Reuters) -
German police have detained a man and confiscated an axe he was throwing for
his dog to retrieve, authorities say. Every time the dog obediently fetched
the axe and returned it to its master," police in the western city of Aachen
said in a statement on Wednesday.
"He must have been out of his mind," said an Aachen police spokesman. "It clearly wasn't a small dog." Passers-by spotted the barefoot 36-year-old enjoying his dangerous game of "go fetch" in a park and alerted police. I don't see the
what the big deal is here. Dog owners have their dogs fetch all kinds of
things. The thing I find odd about this story is that the reporter found it
important to point out that the guy was barefooted.
Thursday, 15, 2004 Scientists Create "Water" That Isn't Wet During Tuesday's Good Morning America, a representative of Tyco Fire and Security displayed the amazing properties of the chemical that's called "Sapphire." The chemical has
all the firefighting properties of water, yet it will not cause the damage
to items that is usually associated with water. Cool! Someone call Ray Bradbury. As part of a demonstration, Pelton submerged several items into a tank of Sapphire that was on the Good Morning America set. Books did not get wet. Electronics were not be destroyed. Items that were submerged in the liquid were dried in a matter of seconds, and showed no ill effects according to Charles Gibson, Diane Sawyer and other members of the Good Morning America staff who saw items plunged into it. I could name a few
ill effect causing things that I would like to see Charles and Diane plunged
into.
Radioactive prostate sets off
security alert
In an unexpected and embarrassing complication from prostate cancer therapy, a Canadian was recently pulled aside by guards at a major airport and interrogated after radioactive "seeds" near his private parts set off security alarms. Being Canadian should be reason enough for interrogation. Also, how can you put seeds in someone who doesn't even have a pod? The man, who frequently travels to the U.S., was passing through customs at an international airport late last year when he was approached by a guard, according to a report on the incident in the Canadian Medical Association Journal today.
The man explained it might have something to do with the radioactive iodine "seeds" implanted in his prostate gland, which is tucked inside the body under the penis. The seeds emit radiation and are implanted to kill cancerous cells. "The agents had not heard of such a procedure and called for their superior. Nooooo. A government airport security agent that hadn't heard of "such a procedure"? No! That is unbelievable -- NOT! I mean, after all they are union employees. Which means they are brain dead at best. Do they know any procedure other than punching in and punching out? Fortunately, the superior's brother-in-law had recently undergone an implantation procedure, and our patient was immediately released," report doctors Ian Dayes, Jink Sathya and Ian Davis at the Hamilton Health Sciences Centre. The amount of radiation leaking from the seeds is "minute," say the doctors, as is the French's genitalia, who have never heard of a patient setting off security alarms at an airport before. They believe the episode "probably occurred because of the use of increasingly sensitive radiation detection devices, especially in relation to the recent Code Orange security status invoked in the United States." Hamilton doctors now provide a letter to patients undergoing the radioactive seed implantation which they can show to security agents They also need to
provide a 5th grader to read the letter to these agents!
Wife Shoots Husband Four Times, Says She Mistook Him For Burglar OCALA, Fla.
-- An Ocala woman is charged with attempted murder for shooting her
husband four times, but she claims she mistook him for a burglar. Marion
County deputies aren't sure they buy Ginny Stanton's story.
I never would have guessed that this story would include drinking and a mobile home. Never, ever would that have crossed my mind. Why pay to go to the circus when you can just put on some Kevlar and cruise through trailer parks and see it for free? His wife says she heard a noise and grabbed a small gun, then began firing through the closed drapes in front of the glass door. Investigators note holes in the glass, but say the porch light was on and there were no holes in the drapes. He's in the hospital being treated for wounds to an ear, a shoulder, his hip and a leg. The sad part here
is that there wasn't one single injury to the reproductive organs.
Boy
raised by dog dies on welfare The toddler's body
was discovered early Sunday morning inside a high plastic container used for
laundry at a welfare centre in the southern Thai province of Nakhon Si
Thammarat, local police said. Welfare officials reportedly removed Prateep from his grandmother's care after neighbors alerted them that the boy had began making dog, rather than human, sounds. "She left him at home with the dog while she went out for work," chief provincial welfare officer, Theerasak Kwanphet said. This is just more
proof that welfare does not work, no matter where it is tried. A dog did a
better job than a welfare agent. 600
Pounds of Heroin Found in Beehives by Chinese Authorities
That is one hell of
a STING! <sorry, feel free to give me a gentle whack for that cheese ball
comment> hehheeee Wednesday, 14, 2004Our soldiers in Iraq aren't heroesThat is the title Andy Rooney attached to his new column. You can just imagine what a profoundly maddening opinion he ejaculates in this mindless essay. I strongly urge you to click the link below and read it for yourself. It is a quick read. I'm not going to rant about it because I'm not in the mood to have a stroke. I did want to include one part though. Andy states....
Well Andy, ask and ye shall receive. I can, so I did. Here is the response from a group of soldiers who experienced Iraq firsthand. Put this in your Depends and sit on it, wrinkle bag. Here we go....
1. Do you think your country did the right thing
sending you into Iraq?
|
55% 
They are designed to eat grass but are being fed things like pizza, crisps
and digestive biscuits," said Anna Meredith, head of the university's exotic
animals service. 
during
a pregame practice when the marijuana fell from her glove. She was also was
suspended from school, but is appealing, the newspaper reported. The teen's
boyfriend, Jose Tirado, 19, reportedly contacted police to say that the
marijuana belonged to him. He was cited for drug possession, police said.
This
teacher showed up drunk for the driving class she was supposed to teach at a
driving school authorized by Sears. <damn right, Sears!> They even found an
almost empty bottle of rum on her.
after he had
found the station filled with smoke.
can play out imaginary scenarios of beating the bad guys and protecting
America. We don't care to have an action figure that can do a few bong
hits and then ride a bike in everyway other than the way it was meant to
be ridden. 
financial
technology company's Singapore office, to become head of Asia Pacific sales.
In this role, Pecker will head all Misys' strategic and commercial
activities in the region, aiming to grow the business and enter into long
term relationships. Pecker's breadth of experience, with over 20 years in
the financial services industry, will enable him to rise to the challenges
of growing the business in Asia, a region fertile for expansion.
In the last years of
Albert Einstein's life, he tried to cheer up his depressed parrot by telling
it bad jokes said a newly discovered diary written by the woman known around
Princeton as his last girlfriend.
This is just the
press making something out of nothing in an attempt to make sure that it looks
like everything is going wrong in Iraq. Basically, all that has happened is that
a few projects have been delayed or slowed due to the security risk brought
about from the latest uprisings. No big deal, Siemens reps say that the
electricity production goals will be met on schedule. 
Or did you even know it was Earth Day? I'm glad to see that this day is becoming
more and more obscure by the year. This wonderful day was born in 1970. It must
not have been a very good day because a quote from their webpage claimed it to
be .. "a time when
rivers caught fire and cities were hidden under dense clouds of smoke."
Where were these freaks living? Hell?
out to be a convicted
murderer and a voter registration worker for Democrats.
HOUSTON -- A man was charged
with murder Tuesday in the death of his girlfriend's 6-year-old son, whose
body was found in an oven. 
was mentally ill in 1996 when he killed her oldest child, a 25-year-old
woman who suffered from cerebral palsy, by beating her with a dumbbell.
from other publications
over many years.
Kerry, in an interview Sunday
on NBC's "Meet The Press," was asked whether he would follow President
Bush's example and release all of his military records. "I have," Kerry
said. "I've shown them -- they're available for you to come and look at." He
added that "people can come and see them at headquarters."
Houston courtroom
over a patent lawsuit involving two vibrating devices that do more than
adorn the tongue.
Like everything else, vocal cords show their age. 
her
to Francis's Ritz Carlton suite after a night of South Beach partying.
Francis, 31, contends that he engaged in consensual sex with the
woman--identified as Amy Doe in his complaint--and even had lunch with the
alleged victim and her pal the following day. Along with the $25 million,
Francis is also seeking to be reimbursed the $36 he shelled out for the
medium rare burgers the women ordered from room service.
Bruce Whalley said that a
stick or a stone could have been laid on the track at Weston Park which led
to a carriage tipping over on its side. A woman passenger suffered minor leg
injuries when the miniature train was derailed during the Midlands Festival
of Transport event on Monday which was attended by more than 6,000 people.
The verbal warning from state Associate Superintendent
Margaret Garcia-Dugan has Roosevelt staff reviewing policies.
According to the Israeli newspaper Maariv, the al-Qaida terrorists managed
to smuggle three cars packed with explosives into Amman. Jordanian security
forces found a chemical charge in one vehicle. 
where members
believe ritual serpent-handling is a form of obedience to God, said Sheriff
Gary Parsons. "We don't anticipate any charges," he said. "That's their
belief." 
"He was taken into a separate
room where he was asked to stand against the wall and refrain from speaking
while workers examined his luggage," says the report by Hamilton doctors
involved in his treatment. "Eventually, he was asked why he kept setting off
the radiation detector."
That's because she and husband
Phil had been drinking and arguing early Tuesday morning before he went
outside to cool off for a few hours. Deputies arrived to find Phil Stanton
bleeding on the front porch of the couple's mobile home. 
Acting on a tip, authorities
found the drugs during a pre-dawn sweep along the mountainous border between
Myanmar and China's Yunnan province, about 1,300 miles southwest of Beijing,
Xinhua said. 
It would be interesting to have
a reporter ask a group of our soldiers in Iraq to answer five questions and
see the results:
.