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Rain
cancels drought advisory council meeting
Al Gore heard
mumbling, "Oh my, if only in 2000"
Thursday’s meeting
of the state Drought Advisory Committee has been canceled due to spring
rain and snow.
Jackie Williams,
executive assistant in the office of Lt. Gov. John Bohlinger, sent an
e-mail Wednesday morning announcing the cancellation.
“Due to the
wonderful inclement weather and the accumulating moisture levels in
Montana today and the wet forecast for tomorrow, we are canceling the
Drought Advisory meeting of 19 April,” she wrote.
The National
Weather Service issued a heavy snow warning for much of Wednesday for
the mountains of western Montana, due to a slow-moving, wet Pacific
storm that brought rain or snow to much of the state. Forecasts called
for as much as 18 inches of snow at higher elevations.
Droughts being
rained out. Global warming meetings being snowed out. It is sick how
these politicians like to form these committees under the pretense that
they are going to "protect the planet." Man, their political power
doesn't quench their thirst, now they want to play God. WHAP!!! WHAP!!!!
Don't SCREW with
Mother Nature!!
I will see you
guys Monday!
Thursday, 19, 2007
Glimpse of porn in class leads
teacher to resign
Students
thought they were going to see a tape about volcanoes, instead they got
a glimpse of porn.
It was just a
different type of eruption. Jeez.
And those few seconds of pornography on videotape apparently led to an
Orchard Farm High School science teacher's resignation.
The district's school board accepted the resignation of Tiffany Kalabus,
a biology, earth and physical science teacher, in an emergency closed
session Thursday. That same day, a letter signed by high school
Principal Timothy McInnis was sent to parents of students in a physical
science class.
The letter said a substitute teacher on Wednesday read the day's lesson
plan and started to show students what was supposed to be an
instructional video about volcanoes.
I wonder how
the video was labeled? Great Gushers. Unexpected Explosions. Enormous
Eruptions. Hot streams of...... never mind.
"Although
students were exposed to inappropriate material for approximately 15
seconds, this event demonstrated a profound error in judgment on the
part of the regular classroom teacher."
15 seconds and
the teachers resigns? We have become so hypertensive in this country
that it makes me put a white knuckle grip on my spade. One thing though,
the same liberals who would demand this resignation because these high
school student saw those 15 seconds are the same ones who want to start
Sex-Ed in the freaking 3rd grade!! BRAIN CRAMP! WHAP! I don't know what
was on this tape, but my guess is these high school kids have already
seen anything and everything that was happing on that tape. Hell, they
have probably watched it happen live in the schools parking lot! WHAP!
Rumors swirled
through the community as students and parents learned of the videotape
and the teacher's resignation.
Among the rumors: A student somehow switched the tapes, perhaps as a
prank.
Pranks are
cool. I actually studied porn in high school, and majored in it in
college. Actually, I am still studying it - it is a never ending
learning processes.
Semi Driver Checks on Doughnuts,
Crashes
A semi driver
whose truck rolled on its side, dumping a load of specialty sunflower
seeds, says it happened when he tried to check on a couple of doughnuts.
Merv Bontrager of
Milo said he looked away briefly from an off-ramp on which he was
driving Tuesday morning and ended up rolling his rig on the southeast
edge of Minot.
Being named Mer
would be enough to make me roll my truck. People named Merv never amount
to anything.
"I just looked
down briefly on the floor where I had thrown a couple of doughnuts I was
going to eat later, to see where they had landed," Bontrager said.
How many of us
toss things on the floor with plans of eating them later? I bet this guy
wasn't looking for a doughnut, I bet he was spanking his Bill Maher.
"It was too late.
I couldn't bring it (the truck) back, and started going over. That's all
it took," he said.
Ironically, the
cops who responded to the wreck were sitting in Dunkin' Doughnuts at the
time the call came in.
Woman: Bowel caused alleged shoplifting
A woman arrested for
shoplifting has blamed the crime on irritable bowel syndrome,
authorities said. Helen Gallo, 61, of Clearwater, was arrested Sunday
after allegedly shoplifting from a Cape Coral grocery store, The Daily
Breeze of Cape Coral reported.
I am the great
Cornholio!
Gallo reportedly
told authorities that she could not wait in line because she has
irritable bowel syndrome, according to the newspaper.
Gallo was charged
with petit larceny and released Sunday from the Lee County jail on $500
bond.
Will shit get jail
time? It
'depends'! Oh man that was cheesy! Hold on a second while I beat
myself with a shovel for that one. WHAT!
Wednesday, 18,
2007
Oh, and I'm supposed to take the
ring back, too...
Business is booming for a Berlin entrepreneur's unique
service -- delivering break-up messages for a fee.
Bernd Dressler, who charges 50 euros ($68) to tell
people they have been dumped, says he has helped end 200
relationships in the last 11 months.
"I
almost never get invited in for a coffee," he told the
Berliner Morgenpost newspaper on Monday. "Most of the
time they're totally surprised."
Breaking the bad news only takes about three minutes and
often leaves the message recipients in a state of shock,
said Dressler, a trained economist.
"A
state of shock," Well, duh!!! This makes the "its not
you, its me" rationalization sound acceptable. What ever
happened to personally responsibility? Face to face,
being a human?
Just, damn!
Actually, I don't know why people would waste their
money paying this guy -with today's technology there is
always the option of just text messaging your dumping.
Sad. WHAP!
Elephant tramples elderly woman
Was it actually
an elephant, or did this woman get between Rosie O'Fat and a bowl of
gravy?
When an
elephant charged an elderly couple on Saturday morning, the couple split
up and ran in separate directions.
Charged? What's
in your wallet?
The elephant
chose to follow the woman, whose broken body was eventually found on
Sunday afternoon.
The attack took
place at Grietjie near Phalaborwa, said Mopani area spokesperson
Superintendent Moatshe Ngoepe.
He said Samuel
Mbokoda, 73, and his wife, Aina, 68, were walking along a footpath
outside the village at about 06:00 when an elephant came out of the
bushes and charged at them.
They should
have had their shovels with them. Never leave home without your shovel.
Regis says he’ll return to ‘Live’
on April 26
Regis Philbin says he’ll return to his
syndicated daytime talk show April 26,
about six weeks after having triple
heart bypass surgery.
I think we will file this in the "things
that we didn't really need to know,"
section of the Shovel files.
Philbin called “Live With Regis and
Kelly” on Monday to say he’d been
“through the wars” in his recovery but
was building up strength by walking and
lifting light weights.
He joked that when he returns to the
show, he won’t be the “fun-loving Reege”
that he was before because his whole
personality had changed because of the
operation.
The last time Philbin, 75, called the
show, he seemed to complain about not
having sex for 3½ months. On Monday, he
clarified what he meant to say.
“I meant to tell you that I was
hallucinating and saying weird things,”
Philbin said. “I swear to God. I just
would blurt out something in my sleep
and so the last time I called you,
before I made the call, (his wife) Joy
said, ‘You know, you’re yelling out
again.’
“I said, ‘What did I yell out this
time?’ She said, ‘Well, you yelled out
you didn’t have sex for 3½ months.’ I
said, ‘Well, that’s funny. I’ll tell
that to Kelly. Well, I haven’t heard the
end of that since I brought that up,
like a dope!”
“What are you saying now?” Ripa
responded. “Is it like — what are we
talking about, every night, three times
a week?”
“I’ll let it go at five times a week,”
said Philbin. “Let’s not talk about it
anymore.”
Only five times a week? My wife would
leave me! WHAP!
Tuesday, 17, 2007
Owe parking fines? You could be a
traffic judge
CLOUT LOVES candidates for public office and
always stands ready to help.
Take the 15 candidates running for three
nominations to Traffic Court in the May 15
Democratic primary, for example.
We've discovered that eight of them owe parking
fines and three of them owe more than $1,000
each.
Let's start with Brenda Reavis.
Reavis owes $1,959, with nearly all the tickets
acquired since 2002.
They include six tickets this year, four last
year, and 23 in 2002 and 2003. There were nine
for parking in a "stopping prohibited" zone,
eight for expired meters, five for "parking
prohibited" and a handful of "expired tag," "bus
zone" and "crosswalk" violations.
Next up is
Sandra Mills. She owes $1,167, according to Parking
Authority records. Most of her tickets date back to 2005.
The article
goes on. This is politicians for you, fellow Shovelers. Makes me want to
swing. I wonder if they are going to campaign on "reform"? Reform
against themselves? Don't you just love how politicians break the law
and then immediately turn around and claim that we need a new law to
keep them from doing it again? Never any responsibly. Politicians need
to be beat daily!!!
They have no
worries though -- they can always use bribe money to pay of their past
indiscretions. I guess laws only apply to us minions. WHAP!
On-Duty State Trooper Convicted Of
Rape
A Massachusetts
State Police officer was convicted on Friday of three counts of rape
while he was on duty in Cambridge last year, the Middlesex District
Attorney's office said.
Prosecutors
said Daniel Grant, 42, of Holbrook, threatened to plant drugs on a
26-year-old woman unless she complied with his demands for sex in the
Jan. 20, 2006, incident. He had denied the charges.
Cops, man. I
don't like them. Power hungry, badge toting oafs. Their actions are what
lets guilty people go free and innocent people go to jail. Nobody
believes them anymore and the attorneys know it. WHAP!
Authorities
said Grant, in uniform with a gun and a badge, approached a parked car
in which the woman and a man were sitting. Grant ran a check on the
car's license plate and a criminal check on the man, who he discovered
had an outstanding arrest warrant and criminal cases pending in court.
He offered the
man a small amount of cash and told him to leave, prosecutors said, and
told the woman she was with a "bad guy" and that he did her a favor.
Grant showed
her a bag that appeared to contain cocaine, prosecutors said, and told
her: "This could very easily be yours." He then allegedly asked her if
she wanted to spend time in the state's prison for women.
Grant told the
woman to follow him in her car, prosecutors said, and led her to a
state-owned building in Cambridge, where he sexually assaulted her three
times.
Three times?? I
wonder if he will try a "I was out of my mind on Viagra" defense.
Grant is to be
sentenced on Tuesday. He was suspended without pay after the charges
were filed against him last year.
He wanted sex.
Well, his is going to get it in prison. I hope he enjoys being on the
"receiving end!"
Monday, 16,
2007
For some, vinyl still scratches
the surface
The Wall Street
Journal recently reported
 that
CD music sales have sharply declined. Despite the decline in the more
up-to-date way to listen to music, old-school vinyl records are still
hanging on to a small fan base: collectors and older music enthusiasts
who don't see the point in switching music platforms.
Vinyl is the
ultimate in "piracy protection" software!
My records are
in the attic, but I guess with some people vinyl is just going to keep
"skipping" along.
Police investigate Waffle House
brawl
Two men were
knocked unconscious this weekend during an assault at the Waffle House
on Richland Avenue after being hit in the head repeatedly with a chair,
police said.
Scattered,
covered and smothered. No, scratch the smothered. Scattered, covered and
beaten to a pulp.
Investigators
are aggressively working the case, interviewing witnesses and reviewing
surveillance videotape, said Aiken Public Safety spokesman Lt. David
Turno.
The officers talked with several witnesses who said
one man began to punch several of the victims,
hitting at least three men over the head with a
chair.
Two men were knocked unconscious for about five
minutes, police reported
A man who told police he witnessed the fight
described what he saw but wished to remain
anonymous.
He said he was at the restaurant when one of the
victims, who he described only as a white male,
picked up a $20 bill off of the floor.
He said a black female inside the restaurant said
she had lost her $20 bill, and the white male told
her that he had found the money and held it out.
Two men, who were the main suspects of the fight,
snatched it out of his hands and gave it to the
woman, he said.
The woman then started screaming, "that white boy
stole her $20," the witness said.
Remove the word "white" and insert "black", and
Jessie and Al are in front of the cameras in .02
seconds!
"white boy
stole her $20", that would make a good name for a rap song.
She made a big
scene, he told police.
I will bet you
a shovel that the nappy headed ho walked out with paying for her meal.
This is going
to be treated as a hate crime, right? Oh, sorry, I got the colors
reversed. Hypocrisy rules the race issue. Thanks, Al. Thanks Jessie.
Actually, I wonder if Al and the Jess might demand that the good
samaritan apologize for picking up something that wasn't his. Will this
story become a national issue? Hell no, the colors aren't right.
Beer 'stripped' off the shelves
A Belgian lager
with a risque marketing strategy has been stripped from sale.
Bottles of Rubbel Sexy Lager featured a picture of a woman with a
removable swimsuit on the label.
Drinkers could scratch her clothes off to leave her naked, reports Sky
News.
Alcohol industry regulator the Portman Group has ruled the name of the
drink and the scantily-clad model could lead drinkers to associate the
product with sexual success.
Umm... does the
Portman Group live in a spider hole? HELLO? EVERYONE associates alcohol
with sexual success.
Every guy knows
that dumping beer down a chicks throat increases his chances that she
will join him in a mattress mêlée. Also, ugly chicks understand the
increase in their chances when guys are wearing their "beer goggles".
Sorry, but it is true.
This planet is
becoming way too politically correct. Too many people with no real jobs,
just insane "titles", and too much time to mettle around in other
peoples business. It makes my shovel shutter! WHAP!!!
Can
regular guy date a porn star?
Single guys won't admit this, especially to women, but at one time or
another they have wondered what it would be like to date an adult-film
star.
Duh! I can tell
you what it would be like. It would be like dating a skank, filthy,
whore!
So I asked the
opinions of three well known stars. And the resounding answer was yes, a
regular guy "does" have a chance.
"Absolutely," said Jennifer Drake, a diva from Wicked Pictures. "It's
probably a lot easier than guys would think because aside from the fact
that we have sex on camera, we're pretty normal. We have our hobbies,
like yoga, swimming and reading."
Jennifer said
dating someone outside of the industry is referred as dating a
"civilian."
"I met a guy at
Target once," Jennifer continued. "And I like people who share similar
interests. The last time I got out of a relationship it was with a
civilian. Essentially it was a problem with him dealing with what I do."
Problem...hmmmmmm....
imagine that.
"What did you
do today, honey?"
"Oh, three guys
at once on a couch and then two others in a hot tub. Wanna go fool
around?"
"Um, no. I
don't mind being the 6th in your life, but not the 6th in ONE FREAKING
DAY! OH GOD YOU ARE A HARLOT! I think I'll just take all my stuff
and leave and go home and masturbate while looking at my Farrah Fawcett
poster."
"A lot of us
girls date regular guys but it's hard because you want to meet someone
who understands your business and isn't jealous," said Tera Patrick, one
of a handful of adult stars who has crossed over into mainstream
culture.
"The big
misconception by guys is they think because we have sex for a living
they think that will happen all the time," Carmen said.
Read that
again. I must assume that logic and deduction abandoned her at a very
young age. "will happen all the time," ???? It is what you do for
a living! Of course it is going to happen all the time!!! I know
she meant that guys think she will drop her pants for anyone, but by
virtue of her job -- she will drop her pants for anyone. WHAP! Man, my
brain just broke. I need to go get my meds. My cranium hurts! What a
mindless ho.
Jessie Jackson is a
piece of sh*t.
Troopers
seize 8,900 pounds of marijuana in South Texas
DPS troopers seized nearly 4.5 tons of marijuana Monday
afternoon after stopping a tanker truck in Jim Hogg County.
Man, how would you like to be named Hogg??
The 8,932 pounds of marijuana is valued at $4.5 million
and was packed in 864 bundles.
8000 of those pounds were going to Snoop Dog and the
rest were scheduled to go to the NBA.
Al Sharpton needs a shovel - to his head!
MSNBC drops simulcast of Don
Imus show
MSNBC said
Wednesday it will drop its simulcast of the “Imus in the Morning” radio
program, responding to growing outrage over the radio host’s racial slur
against the Rutgers women’s basketball team.
In a statement, NBC
News announced "this decision comes as a result of an ongoing review
process, which initially included the announcement of a suspension. It also
takes into account many conversations with our own employees. What matters
to us most is that the men and women of NBC Universal have confidence in the
values we have set for this company. This is the only decision that makes
that possible."
Blah, blah, blah.
Shut up! What a contrived, politically correct spew of drivel. It makes my
eyebrows itch! WHAP!
What does it
matter? I mean, does anyone actually watch this network anyway?
Wednesday, 11,
2007
This Don Imus crap is getting way out of hand. He doesn't need the money, he
should have told everyone to kiss his ass and just walked away. Why
apologize more than once and why apologize when you know that the press, and
the race pimps are not going to accept it? They are going to make him
apologize over and over for the rest of his life.
If I were Imus, I would have held a press conference, then dropped my pants
and showed all the freaks just where the could plant their lips!
WHAP!!
Fire Reported at Johnny Cash Tenn.
Home
Firefighters were battling flames in a major fire at the home of the late
country singer Johnny Cash on Tuesday afternoon, authorities said.
Dispatchers said all but one of the city's engines had responded to the fire
in the suburb northeast of Nashville.
The firefighters said they could hear, "Down, down, down, the ring of fire."
over the sound of the hoses.
Cash and his wife, June Carter Cash, lived at the home until their deaths in
2003.
The lakefront property was purchased by Barry Gibb, a member of the Bee
Gees, in January 2006.
Barry Gibb? A lot of flaming going on around this place!
Wireless a lifeline for homeless
There are days like
the one last week when John Marzette is low.
The 41-year-old
homeless man is low on job prospects, low on cash and low on minutes for his
cell phone.
"You don't have as
much money as you usually would because you have to continuously charge it
with prepaid minutes," Marzette said of the used T-Mobile phone his sister
gave him to stay in touch. "It has its ups and downs. But it's an important
thing to have."
No, a damn roof
over your head would be an important thing to have!
Though it may seem
strange to own a cell phone when you don't have a roof over your head,
homeless advocates say the phones are becoming increasingly important to
people living on the street.
If they are living
on the street how do they recharge the things?
They offer the best
chance homeless people have at getting a call back from a potential
employer.
A potential
employer? Give me a break. They offer a chance for a potential employer to
call and bug them to show up for work. This is such a bleeding heart liberal
article - it makes me want to vomit! Read the rest of it.
Monday, 09, 2007
Man painting love message on
rock dies after fall
SHOVELLINE
-BEACH CITY, Ohio—A man climbing a rock in
eastern Ohio to spray-paint a love message died after slipping and falling,
his friend said.
Arthur Lewis, 21,
of Navarre was pronounced dead Wednesday at Akron City Hospital.
Lewis and friend
Richard Burkey climbed to the top part of Mackin's Rock in Tuscarawas County
Tuesday so Lewis could paint “Art loves Kaylee,” his girlfriend of more than
three years, Burkey said. The rock, south of Beach City, is painted with
several other similar messages.
“He was trying
reach out further to get her name done,” Burkey said. “He kept saying her
name was too long. He tried to reach out further and he slipped.”
This is what
nicknames are for, just use ---K
Do any of you guys
remember that song - "If You See Kay"?
I hope I don't have
to spell it out for you. Read it again and put some phonic thought into it.
I think the band was Red Wine.
Anyway, I think
Elvis said it best when he said, "I can't help, falling in love with
yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa...."
At least Darwin got
to him before he procreated!
SORRY LOTS
Covered in dust and
the blue-humor tidings of passers-by, the maroon Ford Explorer parked in
Level 2, Section A of the Louis Armstrong New Orleans International Airport
short-term parking lot needed a wash.
The SUV, its tires
sagging, a wadded paper towel on its roof, had a year, eight months and a
week to collect its gritty coating. A message on the hood, also covered in a
fine layer of dirt, revealed the timespan.
It read: "Parked
8/29/05."
The Explorer is one
of 10 cars languishing in the short-term parking lot since Hurricane
Katrina, according to airport officials.
They have been
sitting in the "short-term" lot for almost 2 damn years!! Try that in any
other city and the cars would have been towed and sitting in an impound yard
all this time. Just damn! Man, everyone who is in charge of anything in New
Orleans is a huge incompetent pile of Dumbo droppings. They all need a
shovel to head!
The deteriorating
heaps, combined with about a dozen or so more in the airport's long-term
lot, have put airport management in an odd dilemma: The cars are costing the
two garages thousands of dollars by clogging up lucrative parking spaces,
yet to remove them without locating the owners to pay the mounting parking
fees translates into gobs of lost revenue.
I have one word for airport management, "Call a f**king tow truck!" Problem
solved!
Also, did it ever occur to the idiots running this airport that the owners
of the vehicles might be DEAD?? Washed out to sea!
Is this place -the chocolate city- really worth rebuilding? Me thinks - NO!!
WHAP!
Falling woman saved by pile
of...
A Chinese woman
survived a plunge from a sixth-floor balcony thanks to a convenient pile of
excrement which broke her fall, local media said.
"a convenient
pile of excrement......" ???
Did she fall into
the middle of a Democrat Convention?
Just asking.
Tuesday, 04,
2007
Police: Man Shows Up To DUI
Hearing Drunk
Police in York
County said a man who arrived at court drunk for a drunken-driving hearing
has been charged again with driving under the influence.
Paul Zeigler, 45,
of Glen Rock, appeared at a preliminary hearing at the Shrewsbury district
court on March 26 for a DUI charge from December.
After his court
appearance, police said, Zeigler failed a portable breath test for alcohol
and was taken into custody for a blood test. Officials said the second test
revealed that Zeigler's blood-alcohol level was twice the legal driving
limit and he was charged with DUI.
Ted Kennedy said,
"Twice the limit? What a rookie! I can double that result in two
notes!.BURP!!"
Bees attack road toll in rampage
Traffic was brought to a standstill in
Luoyang, Henan, last Thursday, when a road toll in Luonan Expressway was
swamped by millions of wild bees.
Fourteen fire fighters were immediately sent
to the scene to help fight the swarm.
How does the old saying go,
"Never send a firefighter to a bee
fight." Or something like that. I don't know.
Two road staff were injured from being stung.
It is unknown why the bees attacked the road toll.
"It is unknown why the bees attacked......."
Nancy Pelosi and other Democrats said that it
was because America, and President Bush's policies, provoked them.
WHAP!!!
Monday, 02, 2007
Retirement
community sues to oust toddler
SHOVELLINE -
LARGO, Fla.
A neighborhood
association here wants 3 1/2-year-old Kimberly Broffman to take her Big
Wheel and hit the road.
The girl's
grandparents, Judie and Jimmy Stottler, acknowledge the toddler has been
living in the 55-plus community west of Tampa in violation of homeowners'
association rules for three years.
If you buy a house
in a neighborhood that has a "homeowners association", then you are going to
get what you deserve. You will never actually own your property. There will
be some jackass that has a problem with a birdhouse in your backyard one
week and another that has a problem with the flag in your front yard the
next. These members of the "association" have no freaking lives and they
will make your life miserable. You will be forced into meeting after
meeting. Not for me, baby!
The Lakes
homeowners association filed suit to oust Kimberly last month. The
association's president, Everett Conger, said he would not comment on the
case outside of court.
Man, old people are
bitter old bags.
3 Wounded in Shooting at
Nickelodeon Awards After-Party
Shots were fired at a party attended mostly
by teenagers early Sunday following the Nickelodeon Kids Choice Awards,
wounding three people, and police said they suspected gang members were
involved.
Gang members? Give me
a break. Who among us wouldn't open fire if we we stuck at a
Nickelodeon Kids Choice Awards??
YIKES!! Viagra
makers surrender!
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