Welcome. Please, have a seat. Need advice? Maybe I can help. First off, let me give you my opinion of the psychiatric profession. If I were elected president today, I would regulate that profession back to where it belongs: The dark corner of the smallest tent of any given traveling circus that is bouncing around this country right now! And those "doctors" could sit there with their little degrees and crystal balls, and they could guess peoples weight and read their fortunes and hand out cheap trinkets and Twinkies and Ring Dings. It’s all about the same to me. I have a Magic 8 Ball that I consider more valuable than those degrees.

But, I digress. Is there something going on in your life that you want advice on? Relationships, money, etc? Just ask and I will respond with humorous sage advice. It will be fun and if I can’t help surely there will be someone out there who can. So, lay back, relax and e-mail Dr. Timm. <anyone thinking of following this advice should haul ass to Milton Bradley and purchase about 10 copies of the game Life!>

 

                                         

Dear Doctor Timm; 

I am 34 & my wife is 30.

My father in-law divorced my wife’s mom 5 years ago. The reason he claimed she was batty.  10 months after the divorce, we find out my mother in law is starting  to loose her memory. Doctor’s performed a brain autopsy. Fortunately, they found nothing malignant. Unfortunately, my mother-in-law has no short term memory. My wife & I take care of her.  My wife’s dad is 56 & dating a 26 year old. They are interested in getting married. We have 2 kids under 4 and are concerned about the situation.

No smack here Timmy….need some good advice!.

 Thanks!
Confused in Connecticut

         

Dear Confused,

First off, Confused -- and I do mean confused! If the Doctor performed a brain "autopsy",  I would have to assume the woman is BRAIN-DEAD!!! Are you confused? Autopsy?? Where was this doctors office located? Inside a huge pine straw covered lean-to? Did he have your mother in law stand inside a small circle of gun powder, holding a pet rock, while he rubbed his Fisher Price Viewfinder around her head? Man her insurance coverage must suck!

Anyway, I always try and take a positive look at all situations. You have an enormous opportunity here, Confused. Visit your mother in law as often as you can and ask her if you can borrow some cash. She will forget about the loan and you will be sitting in the green! If she forgets things by the hour, then go over there and borrow some cash, then go drive around the block a few times and then come back for some more. Continue this until she is flat broke and then you can stick her in a home and let Uncle Sam pay for her upkeep! No more annoying mother in law and you have a brand new free pool in the backyard. Sweet!  

If she is a MILF send her my way and I will give her a full examination.

<Side note, Shovelers, never trust a doctor who claims that he can take your temperature with his finger.>

Now, onto the father in law. If I were you, I would shake the guys hand and say, 'congratulations!'. If you really want to be a good son in law, go buy him a big ass bottle of Viagra. He will thank you for it and you won't have worry about him leaving his bedroom long enough to bring his concubine over to visit you and the kids.

I wouldn't worry about it though. The kids are to young to remember it anyway. Plus, later, when the kids reach their late teens, you can tell them granddads story and - if they are boys- it will only make them respect him even more!

There is my advice. As usual, there will be no charge for this session. Especially sense I think that you don't actually have a problem.

Shovel on

Dr. Timm

 

        
                                                                            
                                                                                              

 

                   
                   

                                                                                     

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