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     Voted Website
       of the Month
       March 2004!


   A MUST READ

 
 A BABE WITH BRAINS!

 


     Voted Website
       of the Month
       March 2004!


   A MUST READ

 


     Voted Website
       of the Month
       March 2004!


   A MUST READ


A BABE WITH BRAINS!

 


     Voted Website
       of the Month
       March 2004!


   A MUST READ

 
 A BABE WITH BRAINS!



           TSG


WorldNetDaily


     Voted Website
       of the Month
       March 2004!


   A MUST READ

 


   A MUST READ

 

 
 A BABE WITH BRAINS!

 


     Voted Website
       of the Month
       March 2004!


   A MUST READ

 


     Voted Website
       of the Month
       March 2004!


   A MUST READ


A BABE WITH BRAINS!

 


     Voted Website
       of the Month
       March 2004!


   A MUST READ

 
 A BABE WITH BRAINS!



           TSG


WorldNetDaily


     Voted Website
       of the Month
       March 2004!


   A MUST READ

 


   A MUST READ



           TSG


WorldNetDaily


     Voted Website
       of the Month
       March 2004!


   A MUST READ


   A MUST READ

 

 

 

Friday, 10, 2007

Thirst kills 1,300 sheep on Croatia island

 

Authorities said Thursday they will remove as soon as possible the carcasses of 1,300 sheep that died of thirst on Croatia’s central Adriatic Murter Island.

Branka Gulin, veterinary inspector of Sibenik County on the central Adriatic coast, said preparations were under way to transfer the carcasses from the Kornati Archipelago, outside the port city of Zadar, to an inland site where they will be destroyed, the Croatian news agency HINA said.

 

Gulin said transport of the carcasses should begin by Sunday.

 

Many will be shipped to Alabama and sold on the Necrophiliac black market.

 

It is saaaaad what happened to these Croatian wool balls, but it is nothing compared to the millions of Polish fish that die of thirst every year.

 

Texas Parents Sue Governor, School District Over Moment of Silence

 

A Texas family is suing Gov. Rick Perry and a school district over a state-mandated moment of silence in schools, according to The Dallas Morning News.

 

David Wallace Croft and his wife, Shannon, of Carrollton, Texas, have three children at Rosemeade Elementary and argue that the moment of silence is unconstitutional and amounts to state-sanctioned school prayer.

 

This David Croft and his wife need to be beat to death with a shovel! Can we have a moment of silence for media whores? These two idiots need to be fitted with mercurochrome, and acid, coated ball gags!

 

This is a moment of silence. Just a moment of silence, where kids can do whatever they want to do. Pray, doodle, daydream about Harry Potter, or in the case of the Croft kids - sit and psychically receive their Satanic marching orders from Beelzebub himself.

 

I wonder what the Croft's would say if the school held a moment of silence after one of their kids died in an automobile accident? Surely there would be prayers in that moment. Would they sue over that? Who knows? Maybe the heathens would.

 

This country is loosing it. You can't show the 10 Commandments, you can't have a manger scene, a menorah or show anything else that might represent a religious faith. That will not be tolerated.

 

But, if it is something that has to do with the radical Islamic Muslim religion, we will bend over backwards - twice! "We must learn to be tolerant!"  WHAP! WHAP! WHAP!!!!!!!!!!!

 

We need a moment of loud angry outrage! 


Thursday, 09, 2007

Lawsuit of the Day: Greer v. 1-800-Flowers

 

If you're a married man planning on sending flowers to your mistress, we have a tip for you: do NOT use 1-800-FLOWERS (as if you needed to be told).

 

Breach of contract action in which the defendants agreed to keep the plaintiff's order of flowers for his girlfriend private, with no record of the transaction mailed to him at his home or office.

 

Months later, the defendants sent a thank you card to the plaintiff's home, and his wife called the defendants for proof of the purchase. The defendants faxed the plaintiff's wife proof of his order of flowers for his girlfriend, which resulted in a divorce being filed.

 

Doesn't this idiot know that if he is going to cheat he stands a good chance of being caught by "contracting" FTD's?

 

I hope the judge slaps him in the face with a shovel! WHAP!

 

 

'This Baby's name is not 4real', couple told

 

 

A couple has got over the disappointment of having their choice of 4Real as the name for their baby son turned down by calling him Superman instead.

 

Pat and Sheena Wheaton were told by the government registry in New Zealand they could not register the name because it included a digit.

 

Huh? How do they deal with Pat the 3rd or 4th?

 

Seems to me like the pretentious government is using its power to insert a digit into the hind section of every citizen who.... never mind.

 

Mr Wheaton said he came up with the unlikely moniker after seeing the baby for the first time in an ultrasound scan and realizing their baby was "for real".

 

However, the family has refused to let the law or good taste get in the way of their choice, insisting they will continue to refer to their two-month-old son as 4Real.

 

We wouldn't have problems with kids names if we would just test people before allowing them to breed.

 

In the meantime they plan to officially name him Superman.

 

That is just great. You guys have just insured that your kid will get the crap kicked out of him everyday on the playground.

 

Think about it... what kid isn't going to want to run around claiming, "I just beat up Superman!"

 

Whap!!

 


Wednesday, 08, 2007

'Sun-gazers' praise rays

 

When the sun pops above the tree line in Berkshire Manor, few folks seem to notice.

 

The blinds are still closed in many of the two-story houses. And the Alpharetta neighborhood holds onto the last quiet that precedes the morning commute.

 

But one man is watching. Closely.

 

Barefoot and bug-eyed, Paulus Bommarito stands on a sand path he built in his backyard just for these occasions.

 

I wonder if the path was built by a silicone sister with a manager mister?

 

Bommarito, who manages his own graphic design firm, presses his palms together in front of his chest, as if in prayer. "It's not a worship," he says, a Hawaiian shirt and blue shorts hanging loosely from his slim frame. "It's a reverence for what the sun does. It gives us our life. It gives us light – everything."

 

 

WHACK JOB!

 

Bommarito, 58, is part of a small but growing group of sun-gazers in metro Atlanta. They are disciples of Hira Ratan Manek, a retired spice trader from India who says staring at the sun improves mental and physical health. Called HRM by his followers, Manek says he has rediscovered a practice used by many ancient cultures, from Greeks to Native Americans.

 

"Mama always told me not to look into the eye's of the sun
But mama, that's where the fun is....."

 

I hope that stupid song sticks in your heads all day long!! heeheeheeheeehe

 

Strippers seeking names

 

Strip club dancers covered Capitol Square today, gathering voter signatures to repeal a new state ban on touching patrons. The law takes effect Sept. 4.

 

Dressed in pink tops, dark slacks and high heels, the dancers even snagged support from two state senators who voted for the new restrictions, including no nude or semi-nude dancing after midnight, last spring: Sen. Eric Kearney, D-North Avondale, and Sen. Steve Stivers, R-Upper Arlington.

 

Everyone has a right to go to the ballot, both senators said after signing petitions at Broad and Third streets.

 

“I’ll have to go and see my constituents,’’ Kearney joked when he learned two dancers were from the Deja Vu Showgirls strip club in Mount Carmel.

 

Pamela Ackerman, 24, of Cincinnati and Jennifer Shafer, 22, of Boone County, Ky., were working Third and State streets, easily averaging a signature per minute.

 

Both dancers, who are paying their way through community college, said the new restrictions were hurt them financially.

 

"...said the new restrictions were hurt them financially." Let us hope that their 'community' educations are better than this pud-whackers 'ivory' education.

 

Dancers for Democracy has collected more than 200,000 signatures, according to their spokeswoman, Sandy Theis, and is now averaging 5,000 daily. They need to collect 241,366 valid signatures from registered Ohio voters by Sept. 3 to place the issue before voters on Nov. 6.

 

I think pretty much all social issues should be put to a public vote. I think it were help keep those power hungry politicians in check..


Tuesday, 07, 2007

Latest poll shows growing support for Iraq war policy

 

USA TODAY's Susan Page reports that President Bush is making some headway in arguing that the increase in U.S. troops in Iraq is showing military progress.

 

In the latest USA TODAY/Gallup Poll, taken Friday through Sunday, the proportion of those who said the additional troops are "making the situation better" rose to 31% from 22% a month ago.

 

Those who said it was "not making much difference" dropped to 41% from 51%.

 

In related news, the mainstream media are looking for ways to continue to tie every death and tragedy on the planet to the war on terrorism.

 

On the other hand, Democrats are trying to figure out ways that they can take credit for the success. WHAP!!!!!

 

 

No One Knows Why Family's Home Torn Down

 

Jason Banks got his trash hauled away, obtained a building permit, gutted his Ninth Ward home and was ready to renovate.

 

But then, the brick house vanished, reduced to a slab in an unwanted demolition.

 

"I was heartbroken. I was in tears. I was furious," he said.

 

The Federal Emergency Management Agency said orders to tear down the house came from City Hall -- but no one in City Hall is answering questions about Banks' home.

 

Of course they aren't. This is your government at work. Screwing things up without worrying about any accountability.  Truman is rolling in his grave as he sees his "the buck stops here" policy being shredded like a cheap block of cheddar cheese.

 

Jason Banks said he kept his grass cut, paid his taxes and had the home appraised at $147,000. He was just waiting on money from Louisiana Road Home rebuilding program to make repairs to his house.

 

"It's very depressing to lose everything," Lisa Banks said. "This was my house. This is where all my children were conceived, raised and whatever."

 

"....conceived, raised and whatever." ??? ...and whatever.....  There is a candidate for mother of the year. Sad.

 

 

Prosecutor accused of having sex with a defendant's mom

 

Lewis County Prosecutor Michael Golden has been accused in court papers of using a sexual relationship to get information about a case.

Centralia-Chehalis radio station KITI reports that Golden had a sexual relationship with the mother of a teenager accused of arson and allegedly pressured the woman to disclose the defense strategy.

 

"Does it make you hot when I touch you here? Hot like the house that your son torched? Talk to me like a 'nasty dog.'"

Golden acknowledged to the station that he had a relationship with the woman but ended it when the boy was arrested. Golden says he directed deputy prosecutors not to give the boy special treatment. He denies any misconduct.

 

He claims that he was just showing her the state's penile codes!

 


Monday, 06, 2007

Sheep baa'd in sex case

 

A MAN who was accused of having sex with a sheep has walked free because the animal was unable to testify.

 

The man, from Haaksbergen, near Utrecht in the Netherlands, was reported to police after a farmer caught him having sex with a sheep.

But the case was thrown out of court as the sheep couldn't take to the stand to testify that it didn't want to have sex and had suffered emotional stress.

 

Under Dutch law, bestiality is not a crime unless it can be proved the animal didn't want to have sex.

 

Huh? What kind of an inane law is that? And if they have a law like that, why wasn't Dr. Dolittle brought in to translate the sheep's side of the story?

 

The man claimed that the sheep wanted it baaaaaaaad and that the sheep couldn't be trusted in court, because they are notorious for trying to pull the wool over your eyes.

 

 

 

 

Sing with me guys......

 

Loving ewe
Is easy because you're beautiful....
Making love with ewe
Is all I want to do....
Loving ewe
Is more than just a dream come true....
And everything that I do
Is out of loving ewe....

 

la la la la la... la la la la...la

 

Drunk driver's breath test frightens police

 

A 48-year-old Adelaide man has returned a blood alcohol level seven times over the legal limit, prompting police concerns for his health.

 

A police spokesman said the man's car was stopped at suburban Rosewater on Friday night where he blew 0.368.

 

Ted Kennedy read this, burped, and mumbled, ".368? That is way to much blood in my alcohol stream!! Then he disrobed and began rubbing his genitals on a picture of Betty Ford.

 

"The reading was in fact so high police took the man to the Queen Elizabeth Hospital to have his condition checked by doctors," the spokesman said.

 

After being cleared, the man was charged with drink driving, driving an unregistered and uninsured vehicle and driving while disqualified.

 

What is 'drink driving'?

 

I knew a girl who blew a 6.5 once.

 

She ended up getting off later. 

 

ummmmm.....sorry!:) heeheeee

 

 

Sydney police investigate severed thumb mystery

 

Police are investigating how a man's thumb was severed with a sword at Ashfield, in Sydney's inner-west, overnight.

 

The 28-year-old was taken to Sydney Hospital for emergency re-attachment surgery.

 

Police say they have set up a crime scene outside a pub where the man was found, and also at a nearby apartment complex where it is believed the incident occurred.

 

Police have been told that the man had been practicing martial arts when his thumb was sliced off.

 

His doctor said, as a rule of thumb - he should lay off booze and hitchhiking for a while.

 

Darwin punched the wall, screaming, "I missed again!"

 


Friday, 03, 2007

Self-service economy arrives gradually

 

At airports, supermarkets and big-box retailers, "customer service" in recent years has meant self-serve — aided by touch-screen kiosks.

 

As digital kiosks become more user-friendly and capable of handling more complicated tasks, health care providers, fast-food chains and other businesses say trading face-to-face encounters for face-to-monitor transactions improves service and saves money.

 

Yet the complexity of human decision-making and service expectations in different industries means any possible self-serve revolution is more likely to be a gradual transition.

 

It won't be gradual if the Democrats keep demanding, and getting, minimum wage increases. Those increases will only hasten the development of self service. Of course, when that happens the Dem's will then turn around start complaining about unemployment. Whap!! Democrats SUCK!

 

I love self-checkout. Go in, get your stuff - scan it, bag it and be on your way without having to deal with anyone. That is as long as I don't get stuck behind some imbecile ass satchel, who has no idea what they are doing, and are standing there poking at the kiosks like they ares playing "Whack-a-Mole"!! Whap!!!

 

Anyway, the thought of "self service" had to of been a mans idea. <if you know what I mean> Spank, Spank, Spank, Spank, Spank.

 

First, Pants Man Loses Case. Next, His Job

 

By the middle of next week, Roy Pearson, the D.C. administrative law judge who sued his neighborhood dry cleaners for $54 million and lost, will receive a letter that starts the process of putting him out of a job.

 

City sources tell me that a marathon meeting of the commission that reviews the performance of administrative law judges (ALJs) ended last night with unanimous agreement to meet again next Monday to revise and finalize the wording of a letter that will state the panel's doubts about granting Pearson the 10-year reappointment that he has been seeking throughout the last months of his battle against Custom Cleaners and its owners, the Chung family.

 

I hope this putz ends up having to take a job as a floor cleaner in a peep show booth.

 

Within the commission, the discussion about Pearson's future has focused on when and whether it is right to measure a judge's performance by his behavior outside the courtroom. The panel looked specifically at whether Pearson's extraordinary zeal in pursuing the case against the Chungs was so frivolous and embarrassing to the judicial system that it should be taken as evidence of his lack of judicial temperament.

 

The commission should also demand that Mister Smarty Pants pay back every cent that the Chings had to spend to defend themselves. We need a 'looser pays' system in our courts. If you file a mindless, frivolous lawsuits and lose - then you should have to pay all of the defends attorney fees.

 

The people who file frivolous suits should be beat with a shovel. The trial lawyers who take the cases should be beat to DEATH with a shovel.

 

Up yours, John Edwards. You, I primp like a girl, hump.

 

Today's - 'no sh*t' story, brought to you by the Insurance Institute for Highway Safety.

 

Fender Benders Found To Cost More In Luxury Cars

 

Buying an expensive car can bring an owner style, prestige and repair bills in the thousands of dollars to fix damage caused by minor fender-benders.

 

Wow!! I can't believe that! Let me get this straight......If I wreck my Hummer, it will cost me more to fix it then it would for a liberal who was driving a Pinto? Imagine that?

 

In related news...... it cost more to fix the damage when a tornado hits a country club than it does when a tornado hits a trailer park.

 

See you guys back here Monday!
 


Thursday, 02, 2007

Monkey Unlocks Pen, Eludes Zoo Staff

 

The Tupelo Buffalo Park and Zoo asked residents Tuesday to help in the recovery of a white-faced capuchin monkey that apparently managed to unlock his pen and escape. Oliver freed himself at about 8 a.m. and led park staff on a chase through the park's trail system before eventually eluding them.

 

Park employee Ann Stewart said Oliver will respond to his own name and may take bait of bananas, marshmallow or grapes.

 

Rosie O'Fat will take the same bait, if it is slathered in Crisco, gravy and sugar butter. 

 

She urged people to call the park if they spot the mammal.

 

The monkey needs to be spanked. Spank the monkey! Spank the monkey! Spank, spank, spank!! Spank the monkey!

 

 

UT study says lust is top sex motivator for men and women

 

I love it when we have money spent on these studies into the blatantly obvious. In related news,

 

After exhaustively compiling a list of the 237 reasons why people have sex, researchers at the University of Texas at Austin found that young men and women get intimate for mostly the same motivations.

 

Paris Hilton saw this and said, "I could raise that number by 500 reasons - if only I could count that high."

 

It's more about lust in the body than a love connection in the heart.

 

College-age men and women agree on their top reasons for having sex: They were attracted to the person, they wanted to experience physical pleasure, and "it feels good," according to a peer-reviewed study in the August edition of Archives of Sexual Behavior. Twenty of the top 25 reasons given for having sex were the same for men and women.

 

Expressing love and showing affection were in the top 10 for both men and women, but they did take a back seat to the clear No. 1: "I was attracted to the person."

 

My main motivation was that sex was the only known antidote to my "special" disease. At least that is what I told the chicks. Most of them believed it. 

 

 

Kid Nation

 

40 children, 40 days, no adults—eager to prove they can build a better world for tomorrow in the new reality series KID NATION. Settling in Bonanza City, New Mexico, once a thriving mining town but now deserted, these kids, ages 8 to 15 and from all walks of life, will build their own new world, pioneer-style.

 

They will confront grown-up issues while coping with the classic childhood emotions of homesickness, peer pressure and the urge to break every rule. Episodes end with a town meeting in which the kids award one child a gold star worth $20,000, all leading to the grand finale, with an unimaginable test, the biggest awards and a special surprise for every child.

 

Yet another mindless "Reality TV" show. Thank you, CBS. Thank you for having such a lack of talent and creativity. Every time you produce a new reality show, you are just proving to the world that your ilk have run out of ideas. WHAP!

 

Ever heard of the Lord of the Flies? It was a well written and imaginative tale - unlike 99% of the mindless muck coming out of "Hollywood".

 

8 year olds? How many labors laws is CBS breaking?  

 

I hate reality TV!!!


Wednesday, 01, 2007

Man falls out of car while trying to spit

 

A Pensacola man was critically injured after he fell out of a vehicle while trying to spit.

 

Miguel Rogelio, 37, was riding in a 2006 Lincoln on U.S. Highway 29 when he “quickly opened the right front door” to spit, according to the Florida Highway Patrol.

 

Have you ever heard of rolling down the window, you dumbass??!!??

 

When he did this he fell out of the moving vehicle and onto the roadway, hitting his head.

 

The driver of the car, Desiree C. Jamar, also of Pensacola, told the investigating trooper that they had just left the Tom Thumb store near the West Roberts Road intersection and that the car was traveling at about 45 miles per hour when Rogelio fell out.

 

Right now, Darwin is pacing in circles - mumbling to himself, "HOW DID I MISS THIS ONE????"

 

 

Man allegedly admits to sexually molesting cows

 

A man caught in a dairy barn just before midnight in late May was not only violating the boundaries of the farmer’s property, but he admitted to police that he was there sexually molesting the cows.

 

The judge asked, "How dairy take advantage of those poor cows?"

 

Fifty-six year old Gregory Viens, of Fayston, pleaded no contest last week in Vermont District Court to the misdemeanor charge of unlawful trespass and paid the court $601 in fines for his crime.

 

He pleaded guilty, but insisted that he had been setup, because the cows were all singing - "I'm in the mooooooooooood for love"

 

On May 29 Viens was caught in the barn of the Scribner Farm on River Road in Moretown when a farm employee, who had noticed Viens vehicle parked near the farm, went around to the back of the barn and caught Viens in there.


Employees at the farm had suspected Viens of trespassing on the farm and knew he had a history of sexually abusing cows, according to court documents.


Viens was convicted of the same charge in 2000.

 

Why wasn't this bovine pumping freak not locked up? That is udderly ridiculous!

 

Hmmmm...Well, now that I think abut it - they didn't lock up Tom Arnold. Oh, sorry - different issue there.

 

According to court documents, Stephen Scribner, manager of the Scribner farm, told police he suspected Viens had been trespassing and that Vien’s presence there made farm employees uncomfortable.


Tuesday, 31, 2004

Clintons bash Bush in speeches


Ok, guys. This is just shovel licking delicious! Bill Clinton was speaking to worshipers at an upper Manhattan church, criticizing President Bush's administration on everything from the environment, to drug benefits, to tax cuts for the wealthy, blah, blah, blah. Then he went off the deep end.

"Sometimes I think our friends on the other side have become the people of the nine commandments," he said, accusing Republicans of ignoring the truth.

Huh? Hello??!!?? What a joke! Lying, not being truthful? This from a guy who stated emphatically that he "did not have sex with that woman."  Hmmm... Let us think about this, guys.

Not bear false witness, not covet, not commit adultery, not steal. I think old Bill needs to look in the mirror! Might he and his ilk be the people of the 2 or 3 commandments? WHAP! Please shut up and just go away!    

Man Decapitated In Bizarre Wreck

We can file this one in the 'what was he thinking' file.

A Cobb County, Ga. man and his friend had been out partying and drinking heavily, so heavily that the passenger got sick. Well, they are going down the road and the passenger is hanging his head out of the truck window and he is spewing like Karen Carpenter after any given meal, then suddenly his buddy looses control of the truck. Along comes the support wire of a utility pole and, well, I think you get the picture. Dome be gone.

What does the driver do? Pull over and call for help? No, he drives on to his house with the headless corpse hanging out of the window. Then, once there, he goes on inside and goes to sleep!

Now, I have been drunk before. Very drunk! But I have never been "my buddies headless corpse is in the seat next to me, I think I'll just go home and crash" drunk!

Who knows, maybe he looked over and thought, "Wow! He just puked his brains out!"

The next morning a neighbor happened to notice the headless body hanging out of the truck window and called the police. They found the driver asleep in the house, covered in blood and still drunk. He was treated for dehydration before being booked at the county jail where he was charged with vehicular homicide. My guess is the guy is desperately searching the family tree for any Kennedy lineage. 

Newport cop driven home after DUI stop

Here is a related story. A Newport cop is under investigation by his department after being stopped him for suspected drunken driving, and then being allowed to be driven home without any charges being filed.

Newport officer Mark Crank was stopped at 1:23 a.m. Aug. 10 on the Interstate 471 ramp to I-275 west. A Fort Thomas police video shows Crank repeatedly refusing to take a field sobriety test and being uncooperative.

"You were all over the road, sir, OK?" Fort Thomas police officer Adam Brown said to Crank in a video recorded by his cruiser's dashboard camera. "I mean you almost wrecked this car three times while I was following you. In fact, at one point you were just an inch from going off the road back there."

The grainy video shows Crank's repeated refusal to comply with a sobriety check, saying, "Why are you standing there doing this to me?"

Buried at the end of the story is the fact that Crank was one of three Newport police officers named in a federal civil rights lawsuit in 1996. The suit claimed that the three officers, who were off duty at the time, pointed guns at two Northern Kentucky University students during an argument. The suit was settled out of court with the city paying undisclosed damages. WHAP! I think we have shoveled up a bad cop here guys!
 

Web Turns 35, but Still Work in Progress

Thirty-five years after computer scientists at UCLA linked two bulky computers using a 15-foot gray cable, testing a new way for exchanging data over networks, what would ultimately become the Internet remains a work in progress

Hold on a second! UCLA scientist? Didn't Al Gore tell us that it was he who invented the internet?

Today, University researchers are still experimenting with the net trying to increase its capacity and speed. Political pressures might hinder them. Imagine that?

In the 70s they created the TCP/IP protocol, in they 80s the domain name system came along and the 90s brought us the World Wide Web. Now the engineers are  developing separate systems that will parallel the Internet so that data-intensive applications like video conferencing, brain imaging and global climate research won't have to compete with all e-mail, e-commerce and of course, PORN!

The rest of the info in this article is pretty much a big yawner. No word on how a shovel will effect the WWW. I guess that remains to be seen. All I know is that Michael Moore is still an excessively portly putz!

Man who cut out girlfriend's eye may end up as a juror

A man, who spent time in a courtroom for gouging out his girlfriend's eye with a steak knife, could be back in court Monday, but this time as a juror.

Am I living in bizarro world here? In 1996 this guy, Nathan Campbell, attacked his girlfriend with a steak knife and cut out one of her eyeballs. In his trail he was found not guilty by reason of insanity. WHAP! Do you guys know how the insanity plea came about? Originally it was a posthumous plea. I will take that up later.

Anyway, even though this guys is still being treated for mental illness, he might make the jury just because he has a valid driver's license. Hello?!!!??  This is sick! I will keep a shovel on it!

Kerry is dead in the water. Just watch. Keep your shovel on you, though! There is still some swinging to be done!


Monday, 30, 2004

Woman dies after fall from fifth floor of Virginia Beach hotel

That headline is just as misleading as it can be.  Witnesses say that this woman didn't fall, she jumped - right into the hotel courtyard. So she was either trying to kill herself or the plunge was her attempt at impersonating Vanilla Ice's musical career.

Anyway, she was dead on the scene.

Oh, and I almost forgot to mention, she and her husband were there to attend a conference on suicide prevention! Hmmm.... Sources are telling the Shovel that Rod Serling is going to come back from the grave for this story. We will keep an eye on it!

Pregnant Inmate Forced To Undergo Abortion To Be Eligible for Death Penalty in China

Read that headline until your head explodes from trying to find the logic in it! WHAP! I wonder where the NOW gals will stand on this? Me thinks they won't say a word.

Chinese prison officials have forced a pregnant inmate found guilty of transporting heroin to undergo an abortion so that she could be eligible for the death penalty, according to a report published on Wednesday, AFP/Yahoo! News reports.

This lady, Ma Weihua, was arrested for transporting 56 ounces of heroin. Under China's criminal code, anyone convicted of trafficking that amount of heroin can be executed. But! Chinese law also states that pregnant women and people under the age of 18 cannot be executed.  What a conundrum, huh?

Not for the government over there. They want to abort the child in order to be able to legally execute the mother. ????  I know how you guys feel -- INSANE!!!!!

The consent form stated that the substation director requested that Ma be forced to undergo the procedure because she was "uncooperative." The form also noted that Ma was given general anesthesia -- which put her to sleep -- instead of the local anesthetic usually used for early-term abortions, according to Ma's attorney Weng Weihua.

How crazy is this? It makes me want to sing that old Monty Python song,  --sing it with me--- "I like Chinese, I like Chinese. They only come up to your knees...." Seriously though - why aren't we dropping bombs over there?

Tale of malt & mystery

This is cool in a weird way. This guy is selling beer that he made from the barley of crop circles.

"There's something very interesting as yet unexplained going on in those fields," Cates said.

Some people believe crop circles are tangible proof that superior extraterrestrial intelligence is at work in our world, others believe there is a paranormal aspect to
their appearance, and some say they are nothing but grand hoaxes.


Everyone else is a NASCAR fan!


Friday, 27, 2004

Move over Don Ho

Jake Shimabukuro, the first Hawaiian - and only ukulele player - to sign with Epic Records is about to explode onto the music scene. Look out Tiny Tim! Oh wait, never mind, he is now tiptoeing under the tulips. 

Anyway, this guy can fill arenas, pulling in thousands of rabid admirers. The critics love him and are even comparing him to guitar greats like Jimi Hendrix and Eddie Van Halen. Hmm... 4 strings on one and 6 strings on the other. Sure, I can see the comparison. Kind of like comparing a bugler to a trumpeter, I guess. Whack jobs!

Just a thought, but is there a job more counter productive and meaningless than that of a critic? Not only of music, but of anything. Maybe it is just me, but most critics seem to be vainglorious little maggots who live to tear down every person who possess more talent than they do. That would include, in their case, 99.9% of the free worlds population. WHAP! Critics strike me as the kind of people who buy their underwear at garage sales. Sorry, got off on a rant there. Back to the story...

To win over more hearts and minds, Shimabukuro will be touring the States over the next several months, playing at venues ranging from the Bumbershoot arts festival in Seattle to the Knitting Factory in Hollywood. His newest CD, "Walking Down Rainhill," also was released in the United States on Tuesday. But he says he isn't in any particular hurry to become a household name.

That is a good thing because 'household name' is something that he will never be. I'd say, at best he might end up being a trivia question.


Speaking of less than six strings, here is a perfect segue...

Air play ambitions in rock riff riot

Finland will be holding the ninth annual Air Guitar World Championships this weekend. The finalists must perform a song of their choice as well as a song that will be chosen right before they hit the stage. There is no dress code for this unparalleled display of lack of musical talent.

Judges are looking for originality, the ability to be taken over by the music, stage charisma, technique, artistic impression and - it goes without saying - "airness"

In related news, Michael Moore is still the undisputed champion  floating Air Biscuits.

Waldoboro school bans nuts, seeds

Come September, all 400 children in SAD 40's Miller School will go nut-free, seed-free, pit-free and bean-free as part of a food ban designed to save a fellow pupil's life.

Parents are being told this week not to send their children to school when classes begin Sept. 1 with anything containing peanuts, sunflower seeds, poppy seeds, sesame seeds or legumes such as dried peas and beans. Also banned: fresh peaches, apricots, avocados, plums, cherries or other pitted fruits.

Although more than one pupil at the school is allergic to such foods, one child's sensitivity is life-threatening, Superintendent Pamela Carnahan said Tuesday. The child, whose identity has not been released, is so sensitive that he could have a reaction merely by smelling the breath of someone who has eaten the banned foods.

"It's of such a