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A MUST READ
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MERRY CHRISTMAS
Wednesday, 21, 2005 Sharp debate over sharp objects on US planes
Sharp? Appeantly it is still safe to take a Democrat lawmaker on a plane.
A Democrat lawmaker joined flight attendants to claim new rules allowing sharp objects back onto America's airliners made a September 11-style hijacking spree more likely.
This is the same putz who doesn't want PROFILING!! We will take you nail clippers, but if you have a three foot long beard and the words "die white Satan" tattooed across your forehead we will look the other way and let you board without question! MORONS!!! WHAP!!!
But President George W. Bush's security czar Michael Cherton hit back that bombs and not blades were now the biggest terror threat to US aviation.
he debate sharpened two days before the Transportation Security Administration relaxes rules on sharp objects on planes to allow passengers to carry items like nail scissors and small screwdrivers.
What about tiny little shovels??
Massachusetts representative Edward Markey charged that the move would make it easier for terrorist ringleaders to hijack US aircraft.
"Travelers heading off to airports across the country will be disturbed to know that the Bush Administration is now making it easier for the next Mohammed Atta to terrorize passengers at 30,000 feet by allowing sharp objects back on planes," Markey said.
What ever, you jackass! What travelers should really be disturbed about is the fact that you secretly hope for an attack so that you can use it as political fodder in your next campaign. SICK!!! How can you be a Democrat these days? You stand for nothing, but against everything!! WHAP!!!
Rustic parade rolls on in Boykin
As expected this time of year, Boykin was full of strange sights Sunday. Where else could you find a reindeer-hunting Grinch and a school of hillbilly fitness buffs wishing the people Merry Christmas?
And where else would you find the Fatback Queen and her court, all filled with holiday cheer, motoring down the street?
This tiny speck of a community has for 12 years held the most unusual Christmas parade around these parts. It’s a fun processional launched to raise money for charity — and a parade that usually keeps folks laughing. “It’s like Mardi Gras,” said Ohio resident Cathy Johnson after watching her first Boykin parade. “I’m amazed. We will come back for sure.”
Country-themed floats, many pulled by tractors or mules, rumbled down the street of this Kershaw County town.
One was the “Redneck Yacht Club,” a tiny, weather-beaten boat towed with a waving bumpkin inside.
Another was the “Root Beer Float,” which carried a tree root and a beer keg on top. There was even a truck hauling a concrete septic tank, with the words “Ho Ho” spray-painted on the side.
The reindeer-hunting float featured a man in camouflage, wearing a Grinch mask and stalking a person in a reindeer costume.
The hillbilly fitness advisers all showed snaggle-toothed grins as they waved at the crowd.
Sunday’s parade wasn’t as big as in years past because of the gloomy, raw weather. Organizers estimated 3,000 to 6,000 people attended, down from more than 10,000 in good years.
Otherwise known as the Clinton years! When white trashed ruled the land!!!
But that didn’t stop the die-hards from having fun. Tailgating began well before the 2 p.m. parade start. Some people reportedly set up Saturday night in the muddy fields lining Boykin’s one main road.
The smell of barbecue and bourbon was easy to detect on the chilly breeze Sunday. So were wisecracks from the reviewing stand, as parade dignitaries kept up a dialogue filled with country commentaries.
“We appreciate you shining that tractor up for us,” master of ceremonies Rowland Alston told the driver of a rusty piece of farm machinery as he drove past.
Former Gov. David Beasley attended, but wasn’t there to be in the parade. He and his wife, Mary Wood, brought their children from Society Hill to watch the fun. It’s an annual rite, the ex-governor said.
“Man, we don’t miss this, rain, sleet or snow,” Beasley said. “There ain’t nothing pretentious. No parade compares to Boykin’s. It’s just laid-back — it’s like rednecks at their best.”
That is a scary statement!!
STUFF FROM LAST YEAR!!
03, January, 2005 The new year is here and that means just one thing - hangovers. Well, make that two things - hangovers and that other little tradition of shamelessly lying to ourselves that we call - New Years resolutions. The tradition of New Years resolutions is really nothing more than a built in enabler for procrastinators. It is a procrastinators wet dream. With New Years resolutions they only have to face their problems for about two weeks out of every year. Think about it ......
People quit smoking on the 1st, buy $200 worth of Nicotrol gum and chew it all on
what used to be their first smoke break at work. By the 5th they are sneaking a puff
here and a puff there and before you know it they are reaching for a butt more often than Richard Simmons at the YMCA. Then, somewhere between the
19th and the 21st they are swearing that they are going to quit smoking at the end of the year.
They usually make
this statement while they are slapping their new pack of cigarettes into
their palms like a monkey that is having a conniption fit.
Then you have the people who say they are going to loose weight. They buy diet books, tapes, calendars, meals, drinks, gums, bars and wraps. They starve themselves for a month, lose 10 pounds and then the pachyderms celebrate that 10 pound loss by going Takeru Kobayashi on a 15lb bacon, bacon, cheese, triple fudge, ham wrapped, lard stuffed hamburger smeared with sugar butter. Two days later they are standing at the customer service counter, in an old pair of sweats, hoping that they can return their "new" wardrobe. I wonder...do resolutions enter the relationship knowing that their partner is guaranteed to be unfaithful? I resolve to remain resolute in my resolutions. That is unless one of my resolutions gets in the way of one of my foolish whims. Actually, I don’t make resolutions, mainly because I don’t have the equipment or materials to do so. So, how about some predictions for 2005?
* President Bush will get most of what he wants in tort reform, but not Social Security reform.
* Satellite is going to do for radio what cable did for TV.
* The elections in Iraq will be a success and we will begin to withdraw our troops. <look out Iran>
* Madonna will change her name and religion again and no one will care because she will still be a whore.
* Bill O’Reilly’s head will grow so large that his neck will no longer be able to support it and he will have to spend all the profits from his next book on a special titanium scaffolding to help keep that dome from ripping his neck in half.
* Ipod profits will reach $1 gabbagabba zillion!
* Kofi Annan will be out before the end of the year.
* Michael Moore, while floating around a few miles off the coast of California, will do a cannonball off the front of his yacht causing a Tsunami that will ravage Hollywood killing Alec Baldwin, Sean Penn, Bill Maher, Barbara Streisand and a vacationing Peter Jennings. Ok. That is more of a wish than a prediction.
* ESPN magazine will list Takeru Kobayashi as one of its choices for athlete of the year.
* We will have fun here.
Your predictions are welcome. Timm
Wednesday, 27, 2005 STATEMENT BY SENATOR EDWARD M. KENNEDY ON ANNIVERSARY OF ABU GHRAIB SCANDAL
Fat drunk Ted is
running his booze hole again!
Torture? This fat bastard has forgotten 9-11!!!
Have a shot on me, you pig!
It's an appropriate
time to reflect on how well we've responded as a nation.
PERVERSION and CRUELTY?? Look in your own house! Kennedy's watch this sort of stuff on slideshows at family get-togethers! What is wrong with this guy?
Turd..... I mean Ted. I know you don't remember it, but you have photo albums full of pictures of you naked with panties on your obnoxiously large and bloated head! How can you call something that you routinely pay good money to take part in torture? You operate Abu Ghraib-ass Kennedy Compounds all over our nation. You putz!
But the image of two towers in New York collapsing in a big ball of flames, and taking thousands of American lives with them, seems to have escaped whiskey boys memory. Go have a stroke! The only thing seared in you memory is the number of the local whore house and the Jack Daniels logo!!
The reports of widespread abuse by U.S. personnel were initially met with disbelief, then incomprehension.
Then, they were met by widespread sentiments of shut the f*ck up already! WHAP!!!
They stand in sharp contrast to the values America has always stood for-our belief in the dignity and worth of all people.
Dignity??!!? Where is the dignity and worth? Where was it while a young girl drowned in your car while while you wandered around drunker than a nine-eyed monkey!! I guess there was dignity in you wearing a neck brace and making excuses for letting her die!! You fat pig!!
-our unequivocal stance against torture and abuse -- our commitment to the rule of law. The images horrified us and severely damaged our reputation in the Middle East and around the world.
Fat Ted is one to talk about reputation, huh? Ya know, guys - - I've been drunk, but I have never been - "what do the people in the Middle East who want us all dead think about our reputation, drunk!" What is that?? Or slam my car into a creek and let my girlfriend drown while I go get another Jack and Coke drunk!
SHUT UP!! You fat sot!! You have the Kennedy name. Why don't you take it, and the family money, and just live out your days on a private island!
Bizarre: Man Tries To Blow Up Surgeon As Penis Op Goes Wrong
An American man was so unhappy with the outcome of his penis enlargement surgery he sent a mail bomb to his plastic surgeon.
Apparently he asked for the Peter Jennings enlargement and only got the John Holmes.
Blake R. Steidler was so upset with the result of the operation he sent the doctor a jeweler box primed to explode when it was opened.
However, the enraged man changed his mind at the last minute and telephoned police who found the bomb and detonated it in a controlled explosion, before arresting the 24-year-old.
He was charged with premature-detonation and then registered to vote Democrat.
Monday, 30, 2005
HAPPY MEMORIAL DAY!!
Memorial Day was originally called Decoration Day. It was started as a day for us to remember all of those who have died in service to our country. It is sad that most Americans view it as nothing more than a day off to eat hamburgers and slap back beers. <but that is another rant>
There are many stories about the beginning of this day - one of which includes a women's group in the South who spontaneously got together in 1860 to decorate graves before the end of the Civil War.
Memorial Day was officially proclaimed on the 5th of May in 1868 by General John Logan and was first observed on May the 30th in 1868, when flowers were placed on the graves of Union and Confederate soldiers at Arlington National Cemetery.
The first state to officially recognize the holiday was New York in 1873. By 1890 it was recognized by all of the northern states.
The southern states refused to acknowledge the day until after World War I. That was when the holiday went from honoring just those who died fighting in the Civil War to honoring all Americans who died fighting in any war.
And that is how it should be.
HONOR TO ALL THAT HAVE MADE THE ULTIMATE SACRIFICE!
I salute! Wave your shovel!
I hope you guys have a great Memorial Day. To all the vets --- my salute and thank you!
Thursday, 26,2005
NY cop to suspect: Gotcha, it's
your picture, stupid!
A suspect in two taxicab robberies walked into a New York police station and failed to notice his picture in a "wanted" photo on the wall, giving cops an opportunity to make one of their easiest busts ever.
"You look at the photo, and it's not that glaring that it is him," said Det. Sgt. Norman Horowitz of the New York Police Department. But an alert detective noticed the resemblance and police arrested Awiey "Chucky" Hernandez, 20.
This idiot went to the police station to inquire about posting bail for some freak named Huquan "Guns" Gavin, who had been arrested for a different robbery investigation. Hello??? I think Forrest Gump said it best when he said, "Stupid is as stupid does."
Huquan "Guns" Gavin??? Can I get the nickname -- Timm "Shovels" Propes??? hahaha WHAP!!!!!!!!!!
Repeat Graffiti Attack Angers Family They didn't need to read the words or understand the meaning: Just the sight of the black scrawl ignited a familiar frustration.
It was the second time in about a year that someone scrawled a similar message on the wall, Brenda Della Penna said. The last time, the family shelled out $150, spent the day painting with neighbors to repair the damage and considered it a teen prank.
No one was ever caught or arrested for that. This time, the miscreants painted, ``Girls Still Poop Too'', so I am assuming that we can expect "Girls Still Poop Three" And Four???? I don't know, but we will keep an eye open here at Shovel Central.
Graffiti should be taken seriously because it can be the first sign of gang activity, but it doesn't appear to be the case in this situation, said sheriff's Sgt. Brett Landsberg.
Gulliver Prep coach Lazer Collazo resigns
Gulliver Prep baseball coach Lazer Callazo officialy resigned Wednesday, a week after his alledged involvement of improper behavior towards his players came to light.
''I am doing it for the kids and I am doing it for the school,'' Callazo told the Herald Wednesday morning. ``I am not going to coach anymore at the high school or college level. I am going to stay and work at my Hardball Academy and that's all I have to say.''
As should be!!! This freak dropped his pants and pulled out his yam bag and his Clinton, pointed to it, and accused his players of not having "the testicular fortitude it takes to play baseball"!!! INSANE!! If it were football I could understand this. But, baseball???
Anyway, I hear that a salivating Richard Simons requested a tenured position at the Hardball Academy, and said he would work for free.
Wednesday, 25, 2005 Woman arrested for having crowded car
A woman was arrested after the California Highway Patrol officer who pulled her car over found nine people crammed inside, including two children in the trunk.
There was no room left in the car, so this freak put two of the passengers - kids - in the freaking trunk!
Lavern Dunlap, 35, of Glendora, was pulled over about 8 p.m. Friday after another driver reported seeing a woman closing the trunk of her Toyota Corolla with two children inside as the vehicle sat parked on a shoulder.
The saddest part is that this woman will breed again. Her birth canal has yet to see its last escapee!!! WHAP!
Dunlap told the officer she was heading to her sister's house in Palmdale, about a 60-mile trip.
60 miles!!!!????? 60 miles in the trunk of a car!! That could be the title of Ted Kennedy's next book --- if he could manage to keep the car on the road, and the passenger alive, for 60 miles!!!
Accused Alligator Poacher Says He Was Protecting Children
An Escambia High School dean charged with alligator poaching said he was just trying to protect his children.
Michael Vann, 45, said a 4- to 5-foot gator charged at his 9-year-old daughter while she was fishing about 400 feet from home. After shooting the gator, Vann said it went back under water. The father said the alligator has been around his unfenced back yard near Bayou Marcus for nearly two weeks. He called the state wildlife commission for help in recent days but said he couldn't get through.
They charged him with a felony. Can you believe that? I would have charged him for child neglect for not turning the stupid gator into a set of shoes or a purse for her.
Paul Hogan called, I was out on a walkabout, but he left me a message saying, "I agree mate!" WHAP!"
Tuesday, 24, 2005 New drug delays male orgasms, study finds
The first drug formulated to treat premature ejaculation delays climax and also increases reported satisfaction, researchers said on Monday.
The drug, called dapoxetine, helped men delay their orgasms significantly and doubled the numbers of men and their female partners reporting "good" sexual satisfaction, they told a conference.
Star Wars nerds are overjoyed at this news, thinking that they might finally make it past the first 3 pages of the Playboy that they have been trying to look through for the past 10 years.
Thurl Ravenscroft, the voice of Tony the Tiger, dies at 91
Thurl Ravenscroft of Fullerton, Calif., whose voice was known worldwide through his work in movies, TV and at Disneyland, died Sunday from prostate cancer. He was 91.
"I'm the only man in the world that has made a career with one word: Grrrrreeeeat!" Ravenscroft roared in a 1996 interview with The Orange County Register. "When Kellogg's brought up the idea of the tiger, they sent me a caricature of Tony to see if I could create something for them. After messing around for some time I came up with the `Great!' roar, and that's how it's been since then."
Tony Danza smiled, thinking that he is finally the most famous Tony alive. He then called his agent to remind him that he only takes roles where the characters name is Tony. You guys ever notice that?
Lost
cigarette leads to bizarre accident A 38-year-old Winthrop, Ark. man was hospitalized after jumping out the passenger window of a vehicle traveling an estimated 55 to 60 mph to retrieve his cigarette late Saturday, an official said.
Jeff Foran was
riding in his friend's 2000 Dodge Stratus about 10 p.m. Saturday near the
Arkansas-Oklahoma border when the cigarette he was smoking blew out the
vehicle's front passenger window, said Arkansas State Police Trooper First
Class Jamie Gravier. Foran jumped out of the vehicle to retrieve the cigarette and hit the pavement, causing facial trauma.
Do we really need to read the rest of this story, Shovelers? The guy was drunk and I'm assuming he wasn't playing hooky from a Mensa meeting. Facial trauma? What sort of term is that, and why does it make me think of Joan Rivers?
Monday, 23, 2005 Tot, 5, packs a pistol
A 5-year-old Queens boy arrived home from kindergarten with a little something extra in his backpack - a loaded handgun, police said yesterday.
The story says that another kindergartner had given him a .45-caliber semiautomatic pistol and simply told him to, 'Give it back to me tomorrow.' The boys mother just assumed it was a toy gun when she first spotted it in his backpack.
"When I touched it, I realized it
was real," she said.
So she called the school, everyone freaked, and people were arrested and there was a community melt down and on and on and on!
Although the gun never discharged and no one was hurt, Christian's mother was horrified that her child would be exposed to weapons.
Horrified that her child would be exposed to weapons? What a whiney little liberal! He is 5 for Christ sakes! By that age he should have his own pistol and be able to bust the bull's-eye from 100 yards!!! He should also have a shovel. At 5 there is no reason why you shouldn't be swinging!!!
GRAND JURY STEPS UP IN 'MIDGET-BASHING'
Ok. I laughed when I read that headline. Who among us hasn't said something about the little people? I mean, if you get yourself a bottle of Grey Goose vodka, a Bee Gees CD and a half drunk little midget --- well, you have got yourself a full blown party that will be talked about for ages! Toss in a multicolored Volkswagen Beetle and you might just be anointed King of hootenannies - or be appointed CEO of Ringling Brothers! I don't know.
But, I digress.....
I read on....
A grand jury made short order of a Brighton Beach man yesterday, indicting him for terrorizing his neighbors — a midget mother and daughter.
That is a shovel beating offense to me. You do not mess with, or belittle, women - in any manner! Ever! Well, unless it is Hillary Clinton ---- and I'm not so sure what we would find if we lifted her skirt. WHAP! sorry....that was uncalled for - or NOT!
Anyway, they charged this dude with a hate crime because he kept singing, "Hi-ho, hi-ho, it's off to work we go." Forgive me, guys..... I'm laughing again. Lets get on to the next story!!!
Senator concerned politics played role in base closings; Pentagon denies any outside role
In a carefully worded statement, Sen. Frank Lautenberg (D-NJ) questioned why states that supported President Bush's reelection (red states) had a net job gain of 11,000, while states that opposed Bush (blue states) lost nearly 25,000 positions.
Hmmmm, how f***ing stupid are you, Frank!!!!
"My hope was that [Base Realignment and Closure] decisions were completely removed from politics but the total numbers do raise some questions," Lautenberg said.
The FREAKING war isn't even removed from politics, you asshole!!!! Wrong war, wrong place, wrong time. That was, is, your mantra. And you say this while we have troops on the ground! Then you wonder why none of them vote for you. You are a f***ing asshole and a f***ing idiot!
You damn Democrats are the ones that put politics into every single aspect of our freaking LIVES!!! To do it while are troops are defending us is just unconscionable to me! Remember the days when politics were supposed to stop at the shores? No you don't!! Because you guys are a bunch of power f***ing hungry assholes!!! If it were up to you the f***ing UN would be running our military bases and commanding our troops and you guys would be sitting around sipping f***ing wine and rationing out our ammo supply so that it would be equal with everyone else! You - sir are a JACKASS!!!
You don't support the troops and then you have the freaking audacity to turn around and question why your f***ing states military bases are being closed?? You don't want them until they leave. You are a big fat f***ing ass!!! Up yours!!!!
Sorry about that, fellow shovelers. But that f***er just used politics to state that he hoped politics wouldn't play a part. That goes against LOGIC!!! Asinine!!! I hope I used the F word e-F***ing- nough to properly f***ing convey my f***ing point. F***!!!!!
Friday, 16, 2005
In its darkness, 'Kong'
shows the human heart
Movie reviewer David Edelstein, writing in ****.com, <I'm not giving this putz the free advertising> notes the "implicit racism of 'King Kong' - the implication that Kong stands for the black man brought in chains from a dark island (full of murderous primitive pagans) and with a penchant for skinny white blondes."
Liberals just cannot help themselves. I would be laughing my shovel off if this guy was writing satire, but he is actually being serious. The3y see the game of pool as a racist sport because victory is achieved by using a white ball <the cueball> to sink a black ball <the 8 ball>.Cake is racist because Angel Food cake is white and the brown cake is DEVILS FOOD!!!! Not to mention that a little WHITE lie is more acceptable than your ordinary lie. These people really need to be beat to death with a shovel!!! WHAP!!!
Speaking of using lawn tools as instruments of death....
Central Fla. Man Found With Pitchfork Stuck In Head
A 21-year-old Central Florida man was arrested after his stepgrandfather was found dead with a pitchfork stuck in his head, according to a Local 6 News report. Police in Ocala, Fla., said Efrain Ruiz admitted to stabbing 62-year-old Domingo Santiago in the head with a pitchfork.
They think the motive for the killing was money. I'm betting he will blame it on.. ummm...well.....President Bush seems to be the target of blame for any, and all, of the ills in world - so I will choose 'what can we blame President Bush for today?' for 500, Alex.
Yahtzee Games Prove Dicey For Winooski Bar
SHOVELLINE -WINOOSKI, Vt. -- A Winooski bar has been ordered to go dry for two weeks in January after being busted for holding Yahtzee games.
The owner of McKee's Pub said he had no idea he was doing anything wrong by allowing the classic dice game to be played in his establishment.
State liquor enforcement agents said they suspended the pub's liquor license because the game, which required $1 to play, constituted gambling.
Well known screaming lunatic and onetime presidential candidate, Howard Dean declared Yahtzee rules were a mistake based on lies and was "a game we can't win", then he asked for a timetable, screamed YEAH!!! and began drooling uncontrollably into his own shoes.
Have a great weekend, guys!! We will see you back here on Monday! Thanks for dropping by!! Shovel on!!! Timm
Thursday, 15, 2005 Don't Drink and Dial
On his drive home from one round after another of alcoholic merriment, a 31-year-old German man was befallen by a blow-out. Rather than change the tire himself, he decided to keep his hands clean and leave the dirty work to the breakdown services.
Befallen by a blow out... what a wordsmith this journalist is. WHAP!!! Anyway..... the idiot behind the wheel would have done himself a favor by staying home. His blood alcohol level was seven times the legal limit, he was driving on a license that had been revoked over eight years ago, and he was driving a borrowed car.
Sounds to me like Ted Kennedy's weekly Sunday afternoon drive. But, I digress.
After the blow out, the boy genius dialed what he believed to be the number of roadside assistance, and inebriatedly announced, "My car is broken and I need you to come and fix it. And you'd better be quick because I'm really pretty drunk and I don't have a license so it wouldn't be good if the cops drove past."
Yep, you guessed it. He had misdialed by a number or two and accidentally called the police.
He will be doing some
time in the slammer, but the good news is that he will also be receiving the
much coveted "I was as tanked as Uncle Teddy" D.O.T. certificate of B.A.C.
Eminence.
Hotel creates giant Xmas tree
from beer bottles
A hotel in Quy Nhon, capital of the central Binh Dinh Province, has created a Christmas tree from empty beer bottles, described as the biggest of its kind in Vietnam.
It took seven employees of the Saigon-Quy Nhon Hotel, and Lieutenant Dan, 10 days to complete the tree which measures 12 meters high and four meters around.
Heineken provided the 8,000 empty bottles which were used to make the record-sized tree. It now stands on display in front of the luxury four-star hotel across from Quy Nhon beach.
Please grip with me here for a second, dear Shovelers, as we collectively join in an attempt to fathom.....
A stack of empty beer bottles in Vietnam is called a Christmas Tree, while, in the United States, a freshly cut for decoration Fraser Fur is being called a Holiday tree. Try and shovel through that logic!!?!!! WHAP! WHAP! WHAP!! Damn libs need a good beating!!
IF YOU PLAN ON NEEDING EAT IN THE NEXT WEEK DO NOT READ THE NEXT STORY!! DON'T SAY I DIDN'T WARN YOU!!!
Docs
Removing 16-Pound Face Tumor A 14-year-old Haitian girl was undergoing a groundbreaking operation Wednesday to remove a 16-pound tumor-like mass from her face.
My omniscient question and comment to follow at a later date - or never, which ever comes first!
Right now I
am going to go vomit.
Wednesday, 14, 2005 Murderous Santa display outside Manhattan mansion draws stares
I can't say for
sure, but I will bet he is on the side of those who are not allowed to roam
free, and unshackled, among the general population.
This freak told the
New York Post it was a statement about the commercialization and
secularization of Christmas.
Whatever, you logically and socially impaired loon!! This is what the liberal news cycle has brought us, fellow Shovelers. If some whack job promotes their cause in a manner befitting of the issuing of multiple arrest warrants the press will try their best to lend legitimacy to it. Especially when the news is negative. They live for murder, mayhem, car wrecks, natural disasters and house fires. Oh, and of course the seemingly obligatory "Bush Lied" story. They view good news as "no news." Hmmm... and to think people wonder why our population is becoming addicted anti-depression drugs. WHAP!!! I find that the swift sure swing of a Shovel is the perfect antidote to all of life's little ills.
Sorry, got off on a
tangent there. Anyway, I am going to assume that this putz is an escapee
from the Island of Misfit Toys and should be captured as soon as possible.
Police: Wal-Mart Santa arrested for exposing self to boy
A Wal-Mart Santa Claus was arrested Monday for allegedly exposing himself to a 15-year-old boy and attempting to have the boy engage in oral sex with him at his home on Dec. 9, according to a City of Newburgh police press release.
Ransford George Perry, 57, of Newburgh, has acted as an advocate for numerous children around Newburgh through a business called the Association Against Biased Educators. He is also a promoter for "talented children," and a Santa Claus at the Wal-Mart on Route 300 in the Town of Newburgh, police said.
Perry was acting as an advocate for the youth and told the victim he had work for him to do at his home when the assault allegedly took place, police said.
I assume the work involved Santa's lap, and/or his magic sack. Maybe even a little help with his one-eyed elf.
MAN DATES GAL ON INTERNET FOR SIX MONTHS -- AND IT TURNS OUT SHE'S HIS MOTHER!
Skirt-chasing
playboy Daniel Anceneaux spent weeks talking with a sensual woman on the
Internet before arranging a romantic rendezvous at a remote beach -- and
discovering that his on-line sweetie of six months was his own mother!
At this point
in the story Jerry Springer dropped his newspaper and said a little prayer,
thanking God for the multitudes of shameless freaks that are overpopulating
our planet right now.
Let us all
lower our shovels for a moment of bowel distressing retching! Ok, back to
the sickness....
Sorry, guys. But at
this point I am going to have to act like a Frenchman and surrender! I give
up! I can't go on with this story. I will leave it up to you! Matter O fact,
the best, funniest, swing at the story will get a FREE T-shirt! Shovel on!
Add another creation to the strange scientific menagerie where animal species are being mixed together in ever more exotic combinations.
Scientists announced Monday that they had created mice with small amounts of human brain cells in an effort to make realistic models of neurological disorders such as Parkinson's disease. |
