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Woman's highway dance yields 911
calls
SHOVELLINE, Calif., Jan. 31 --
Authorities in San Leandro, Calif., said they
received a string of calls about a woman in belly dancing getup
performing a routine at the side of the highway.
The first 911 call reported a woman in a black halter top and black
pants dancing at the side of Interstate 880 at 3:07 p.m. Monday, and the
second call, which came only a minute later, reported the woman had
begun using a light pole and a highway sign as tools for a pole dance,
the San Jose (Calif.) Mercury News reported Thursday.
California Highway Patrol officer Oscar Johnson said the woman went from
a distraction to a real hazard when she ran across the highway, shouting
obscenities at drivers who nearly struck her with their vehicles.
I thought Britney Spears was locked up in rehab!
Breach of urinal etiquette leads
to assault
A Kaiapoi man punched a man twice in
the toilet of a central Christchurch bar because he committed "a breach
of urinal etiquette", a court was told today.
Edward Trevor
Aldridge, 47, pleaded guilty in Christchurch District Court to assault
and Judge Raoul Neave told him: "This sort of behaviour would be
immature in teenagers or small children. This is exactly the sort of
behaviour that makes people afraid to go to town."
Police
prosecutor Sergeant Graham Butcher said the victim went gone to the Rock
Pool bar with friends on December 16.
When he went to
the toilet, he used a urinal next to Aldridge who accused him of looking
at him and punched him twice in the face.
I was at a
urinal once and, out of the corner of my eye, noticed a guy checking out
my package. I just smiled and said, "I know, after all these years I am
still amazed at how big it is." Then I peed on his shoes and blasted him
in the face with my shovel.
Public urinal
etiquette - Look strait ahead, don't speak - even if spoken to - shake
three times, zip up, wash your hands and shout, "I love free peep
shows!" as you run out the door.
Police: Level 3 Sex Offender
Molests Boy At Library
A Level 3 sex
offender was arrested after police said he molested a 6-year-old boy in
the children's room of the New Bedford Public Library.
I guess he had
came up with his own version of Dr. Suess's "Hop on Pop"!! WHAP!
Corey Deen
Saunders, 26, of 15 Johnny Cake Hill, New Bedford, was charged with
indecent assault and battery on a child under 14; rape of a child under
16 (second offense); and enticing a child under 16.
Police said
Saunders fondled and performed oral sex on the boy in a secluded corner
of the library.
I hope this
jackass is repeatedly caught dropping his prison soap. Then I hope
someone beats him to death with shovel.
Have a great
Super Bowl weekend! See you guy back here Monday.
Thursday, 31, 2008
Pennsylvania takes on online
auctions
Mary Jo Pletz was really, really good at eBay.
But now the former stay-at-home mother and gonzo
Internet retailer fears a maximum $10 million
fine for selling 10,000 toys, antiques, videos,
sports memorabilia, books, tools and infant
clothes on eBay without an auctioneer's license.
An official from the Department of State knocked
on Pletz's white-brick ranch here north of
Allentown in late December 2006 and said her
Internet business, D&J Virtual Consignment, was
being investigated for violating state laws.
"I was dumbfounded," said Pletz, who led the
dark-suited investigator to a side patio area,
where he grilled her. "I told him I would just
shut down," she said.
The Pletz case has unleashed a political storm
in Harrisburg over what - if anything - should
be done about regulating Internet auctions in
Pennsylvania.
Regulate, regulate, regulate. ..... our
politicians need to be beat to death with a
shovel. WHAP, WHAP, WHAP! They don't improve,
they don't inspire, they just hunt down
ingenuity and prosperity, and then devise new
ways to suck the life out of it.
And when they suck the life out of it, they then
propose bills to subsidize it. WHAP!!!!
Two bills have been introduced. One would
require Internet sellers who run a business to
get an electronic auctioneer's license that
would cost about $100 a year. The other would
leave Internet auctions as the Wild West of
retail.
A license for this, and a license for that. The
Wild West of retail??? What the hell does that
mean??? I swear, our government is f*cking OUT
OF CONTROL!!!!
Thousands of jobs and the fate of a new-economy
industry in Pennsylvania could be at stake.
There are 400 so-called Internet retail drop-off
stores in Pennsylvania, according to state
officials, and 14,000 state residents who earn
most of their annual income selling on Internet
auctions.
Anti-incumbent, guys. Vote anti-incumbent.
3rd-grader suspended for
gun at school
An
Orange County third-grade student has been suspended after taking a toy
gun to school on Tuesday, school officials said.
The Sunset Park Elementary School student was suspended for three days
after the gun was found in his backpack, school officials said.
According to officials, a teacher overheard the student bragging about
the gun to a classmate, leading to the discovery.
The toy gun had an orange tip that is similar to real pellet guns,
school officials said.
Umm, no!
An orange tip means that nothing is coming out. IT IS A TOY! These
"officials" were the ones that came up with that. An orange tip means
that it is a "toy" gun.
My guess
is that none of these idiots have ever even held a gun. WHAP!
Don't
you just love being governed by idiots???
The kid
should have been carrying a shovel. We never put an orange tip on them.
WHAP!
Wednesday, 30,
2008
McCain beats Romney to win Fla.
primary
Sen. John McCain won a breakthrough triumph in the
Florida primary Tuesday night, gaining the upper hand in the
battle for the
Republican presidential nomination ahead of next week's contests
across 21 states.
Former New York Mayor Rudy Giuliani appeared ready to quit the
race.
"It shows
one thing. I'm the conservative leader who can unite the party," McCain
said in a brief interview with The Associated Press.
This putz is
NOT, NOT, NOT a CONSERVATIVE!!!!! He is the liberal medias little bitch.
They say he can
unite..... sure.....unite the forces of the power hungry GOVERNMENT to
take more, and more, of your liberties!
This asshole
sponsored theMcCain-Feingold bill. A bill that said, "F*uuuuuuuuuck
the 1st Amendment"!!!!
I hope he gets
pellagra.
They are
saying that Rudy is going to pull out and endorse this liberal.
F**k you, Rudy.
I just took the
admiration I had for you and poured it into the toilet. WHAP!
Sex Offender E-Mail Registry
Proposed To Protect Minors Online
New York State Attorney
General Andrew Cuomo on Tuesday
announced
new state legislation to protect underage
Internet users.
The Electronic Security
and Targeting of
Online
Predators Act (E-STOP) requires paroled sex
offenders to submit their e-mail addresses and
online identities to a central registry that
will be used to deny them access to social
networking sites.
Give me a F**king break! Like these child
molesting freaks can't make up a name and email
address and slide right by this. Our
representatives are idiots. My guess is that
Ahole... eeerrr... Andrew doesn't even know how
to turn on a computer - much less "surf the
net". Don't you just love how these politicians
come up with all of these ways to keep child
abusers away from children?
None of their ideas include actual punishment.
They include mindless "feel good - get me a
vote", bulls**t like this.
They draft crap legislation like, a child
molester can't live within 1000 feet of a
school, church, bus stop....etc..... WHAP!
1000 and 1 feet is ok with them, because God
knows a child molester wouldn't dream of going
that one extra foot to grab an innocent child.
I will tell you how to solve this predator
problem. YOU BEAT THEM TO DEATH WITH A SHOVEL!!!
Then you won't have to worry about them. They
could be 6 feet away <under> the child and you
wouldn't have to worry about it. Get it? Sorry
if my logic makes sense that you feel the need
to swing a shovel at a liberal.
The bill also would forbid sex offenders, on
parole or probation, from communicating online
with anyone under the age of 18 if the offender
is classified level 3 (high-risk of
re-offending) or if the offender's crime
involved the Internet or a minor.
Cuomo said that Facebook and MySpace have
committed to using the registry as soon as it is operational. He also
said that there's no law comparable to E-STOP elsewhere in the country.
Well, Cuomo - you dork - maybe the reason there
is no law comparable anywhere else is the country is because everyone
else in the country knows that this legislation isn't worth SPIT!
Jackass!
Customs officers seize hundreds of
headless rats destined for London restaurants
RATS ?
Tony Soprano pounded his chest, but had little comment or alibis.
He said, "F*ck
you! Like I have time to deal with your f*cking bullsh*t story every
time someone shows up dead. Why don't you go f*ck a rat?"
Customs
officers have seized hundreds of headless rats which were being smuggled
to London. So African diners could crunch into their bones and flesh
.
The
grisly discovery was made by customs officials as they made
a routine inspection of a shipment of synthetic hair at the
docks.
Closer investigation revealed boxes containing the carcasses
of 340 kilos of headless rats.
Hmmmm... is Ozzy Osbourne on tour again? No, wait that was a
bat....errrrr.... sorry.
Tuesday, 29, 2008
Choosing the best music for
exercise
Fitness magazines and Web sites love to ask readers
about their favorite workout music while presenting
their play lists or suggestions from celebrities.
Self.com features the "80s cardio play list," which
includes the short-shorts video classic "Wake Me Up
Before You Go-Go" by Wham!
That would work perfect for me, because I would be
running so damn fast to get away from that song that
I would probably do 5 miles in 2 seconds! WHAP!
Man, I hope that song is stuck in your head like it
is mine right now! Uggghhhh!!! Shovel me into a
coma, please!
In other words, the best workout songs have both a
high BPM count and a rhythm to which you can
coordinate your movements. This would seem to
eliminate any music with abrupt changes in time
signature, like free-form jazz or hard-core punk, as
well as music that varies widely in intensity, like
much of indie rock. It also rules out what the
writer and neurologist Oliver Sacks calls "music
which doesn't have adequate rhythmic force."
In other words, the best workout songs have both a
high BPM count and a rhythm to which you can
coordinate your movements. This would seem to
eliminate any music with abrupt changes in time
signature, like free-form jazz or hard-core punk, as
well as music that varies widely in intensity, like
much of indie rock. It also rules out what the
writer and neurologist Oliver Sacks calls "music
which doesn't have adequate rhythmic force."
Here, I think of Wagner," said Sacks, whose recent
book, "Musicophilia," discusses the link between
rhythm and movement.
"..rhythm
and movement..."
............ I am painfully white, I have a disease
called "honky hips", so there is no reason to
continue with this article. :):)
JAIL 'SICKOS' GO FREE
A doctor's note would be a
get-out-of-jail-free card for many violent
felons under a new cost-savings plan in
Gov. Spitzer's
budget.
Proposed legislation
buried deep within
Gov. Spitzer's budget
plan last week would allow the state to free
scores of seriously ill and incapacitated
inmates now crowding prison hospitals - saving
the state $5.4 million in annual medical costs.
Spitzer would extend that option to inmates who
suffer from permanent conditions that bar them
from performing daily tasks and prevent them
from posing a "reasonable" threat to society.
Likewise, the new budget bill would allow the
parole board to decide whether weekly or monthly
visits to parole officers are warranted for the
new parolee. Current law requires weekly visits.
The proposal,
which comes on the heels of revelations that Spitzer's parole board is
freeing violent felons at an increased rate, was slammed by state Senate
Republicans.
Division of
Criminal Justice Services spokesman John Caher the early release was a
"humane" answer to the costly problem.
Sure. We go
from paying for them to lay around in prison to them lying around in
some other taxpayer supported building where they can come and go and
murder and pillage as they want. WHAP!
I'll cut your
cost.... give me an electricity cord, 30 used toasters, and an Olympic
sized pool. I'll shovel the freaks in and when the "Magical Electricity
Festivity" is over I will feed their beef jerky corpses to the local
humane shelter.
That is the
kind of budget cutting ideas that we need. That is why you should vote
for me as your president.
Also in the
governor's budget:
End
automatic annual health inspections at supermarkets to save $1.2
million, and instead focus on "high risk" facilities like
slaughterhouses, packing plants or supermarkets with a history of
complaints.
Read between
the lines - if you haven't made an offering to the government we are
coming after you.
Generate
$15 million annually by installing license plate-tracking technology
along state highways and bridges to nab commercial truckers who aren't
paying their fair share of the highway-use tax.
There
is that "paying their fare share" B.S. again.
Raise $140
million out of the pockets of anyone who pays for their own health
insurance.
HUH??? My head
just exploded!!
This is coming
from a party that claims they want affordable insurance. My shovel is
glowing white hot!
This A-hole is
screaming that he wants people to be able to afford their insurance -
while at the same time saying that as soon as you can, I am going to tax
the spider snot out of you! WHAP! I need a bag full of valium!! WHAP!
This, my fellow Shovels, is just a ploy to force social medicine.
Measures
to protect consumers, including a $320,000 proposal to create an office
to monitor complaints against airlines .........
Ummmm... the
complaints are about waiting lines. WAITING LINES that the government
CREATED!!!!! Why is it that so many American's will go back to the
government looking for answers to the problems which that very
government caused? WHAP!
Husband, Ex-Wife Arrested for DUI
on Same Night
SHOVELLINE -Leicester, Vermont -
A
former Addison County couple was arrested this weekend for drunk driving
in two separate incidents in one night.
Police say Tanya Laporte, 33, was involved in a collision with another
car in Shoreham. She was processed for DUI and drug possession.
Authorities say an hour later she called her ex-husband, Michael Laporte, 47,
to pick her up. On his way to the station, he rolled his dump truck.
He was arrested for drunk driving and driving with a suspended license.
What an idiot!
Darwin is gripping his shovel right now as he watches theses two dolts
meander their way through life.
Seriously, you know this makes Mr. Darwin want to shovel some more
chlorine into the gene pool.
Anyway, we all know - male and female Shovelers alike - what this drunk
idiot was thinking........ yep.... you know it..... he was
thinking....... "If I go get her, she will let me take her
home and "dump the truck" one last time. WHAP!
Monday, 28, 2008
Man
dies after accidentally shooting himself at party
A man
accidentally
shot and killed
himself at a
West Dallas
party early
Saturday after
showing off his
pistol to
friends, police
said.
Rule #1 - treat
every single gun
you see as if it
were loaded - a
gun is never
empty.
He pointed it at
his head and
pulled the
trigger!! This
was not an
accident! This
was Darwin doing
society a FAVOR!
A shot of
chlorine into
the gene pool,
if you will!
A group of
friends had been
drinking in the
3400 block of
Iroquois Drive
near Loop 12 and
Singleton
Boulevard when
Andreous
Robinson, 20,
went outside
around 1 a.m.
and shot a few
rounds into the
air. Police said
Mr. Robinson
then came back
inside and
thought that
he'd discharged
all of the
rounds, so he
put the gun to
his head and
pulled the
trigger, said
Sgt. Bruce
McDonald, a
homicide
officer.
Please tell me
that someone was
video tapping
this! It is
something that I
would be
rewinding over
and over again,
until I wet
myself.
Mr. Robinson was
taken to
Parkland
Memorial
Hospital, where
he was
pronounced dead.
I'm going to go
out on a limb
and predict that
this is a
mistake he won't
be making again.
Son of
Kan. governor creates board game
SHOVELLINE
-TOPEKA, Kan. --
The son of Gov.
Kathleen Sebelius is peddling a board game titled "Don't Drop the Soap,"
a prison-themed game he created as part of a class project at the Rhode
Island School of Design.
Yes, incase you
are wondering, they are Democrats.
John Sebelius,
23, has the backing of his mother and father, U.S. Magistrate Judge Gary
Sebelius. Sebelius spokeswoman Nicole Corcoran said both parents "are
very proud of their son John's creativity and talent."
John Sebelius
is selling the game on his Internet site for $34.99, plus packaging,
shipping and handling. The contact information on the Web site lists the
address of the governor's mansion. Corcoran said the address will change
when John Sebelius moves.
The site
describes "Don't Drop the Soap" as a game "Where no one playing enters
through the front door!"
"Fight your way
through 6 different exciting locations in hopes of being granted
parole," the site says. "Escape prison riots in The Yard, slip glass
into a mob boss' lasagna in the Cafeteria, steal painkillers from the
nurse's desk in the Infirmary, avoid being cornered by the Aryans in the
Shower Room, fight off Latin Kings in Gang War, and try not to smoke
your entire stash in The Hole."
The game
includes five tokens representing a bag of cocaine, a handgun and three
characters: wheelchair-using 'Wheelz," muscle-flexing "Anferny" and
business suit-clad "Sal 'the Butcher.'
Give me a
break! If this guy wasn't a politicians son, our politicians would be
calling for Blue Ribbon Commissions to investigate, and probably punish
the Rhode Island School of Design and everyone else that has to do with
this game. WHAP!
Tantric master breaks ice record
in NYC
A man who calls
himself a tantric master broke his own world record by standing engulfed
in ice for 72 minutes.
If I were a
"tantric master" I would use my powers to stay engulfed in my wife for
72 minutes. Ummmm....sorry. hahaheheheeee
Wim Hof, 48, stood on a Manhattan street in a
clear container filled with ice for an hour and
12 minutes Saturday.
Hof said he survives by controlling his body
temperature through tantric meditation. Tantra
is an Eastern tradition of ritual and meditation
said to bring followers closer to their chosen
deities.
Here at Shovel Central we hear that he practiced
for this stunt by having sex with Hilary Clinton
once a day. FRIGID! YIKES.
Hof set the world record for full body ice
contact endurance in 2004, when he immersed
himself in ice for an hour and eight minutes.
Richard Gere says
he can keep a gerbil safely engulfed for 90 minutes. He claims to be a
master Buttist...errr......, I, mean, Budist.
Pa. Pub Chaplains Lend Sympathetic
Ear
A pastor plans
to put teams of chaplains in local bars in this central Pennsylvania
town so they can lend a sympathetic ear to patrons who may need one.
I don't do bars
any more, but I wish they had had this when I did! For some reason I was
a lush magnet! Every time I got settled in and was enjoying my beer,
some jackass would sit down next to me and actually think that I gave a
crap about what was going on in their miserable little lives. Rambling,
socially challenged, mongoloids!!! WHAP!
Chicks were the
worst! A guy would tell you something and wait to see if he got a
response, then he'd try something else and wait. If he didn't get a
response, he would move on. But, chicks! Man, they sit down, start
tediously rambling and don't stop - even if you fall forward on the bar
like you had just passed out.
I usually
listened to them for a minute, then turned and said, "I would enjoy this
conversation much more if you would take your top off." That would
always trigger the "all men are pigs" reaction. heeehehee
The chaplains
won't preach against drinking or evangelize when the program starts at
Market Cross Pub, organizer Chuck Kish said.
"We're simply
going to be there to help anybody who wants it. Sometimes people really
just want somebody they can talk to who is not going to be judgmental,
but be sympathetic," he said.
Chaplains will
work in teams, one male and one female, and will be in the bar for about
three hours on the first Friday of every month, he said. The program is
slated to start next month at one pub, with the hope it will be
expanded.
"I thought, a
chaplain in a restaurant and bar? And then I thought, that makes sense,"
Goss said.
This wouldn't
have helped me. Most of my sins were committed not long after leaving
the bar.
Friday, 24, 2008
Spectator sues Blue Man Group over
antics
Audience
participation is a staple of the Blue Man Group. But apparently, one
audience member attending the Chicago show believes cast members took
their surreal antics too far by forcing a video camera down his throat
during a performance in October 2006.
James Srodon of California filed a lawsuit Wednesday against the group.
In the lawsuit filed in Cook County Circuit Court, Srodon says the Blue
Man actors used the "esophagus cam" to project an image of Srodon's
mouth and throat onto a large screen for the audience's amusement.
The lawsuit alleges the Blue Man actors circled him, held his neck and
arms and "forced his head back" to insert the camera. It claims he was
restrained from removing the camera from his mouth.
"At the time the 'esophagus cam' was inserted into plaintiff's mouth, it
was covered in food, liquid and grime from the Briar Street Theatre
floor, including the thick blue paint used to cover the actors' faces,"
the lawsuit said.
Srodon is seeking damages of more than $50,000 for battery, negligence
and negligent infliction of emotional distress. He contends the camera
injured his mouth, throat and dental work.
If I were him I
would sue myself for being stupid enough to go and waste precious
minutes of my life on this suck-fest!! WHAP!
Seriously! I
can't even sit through a 30 second commercial of those idiots! Why in
the hell would anyone pay to sit through an entire show?
I hope the
judge throws this case out and then beats this mongoloid idiot to death
with a shovel right there in the courtroom! WHAP!
See you guys
Monday.
Thursday, 24, 2008
Panty snatcher pleads guilty
A man is facing
a jail sentence after 42 kilograms of missing women's undergarments were
found in his bedroom.
42 kilograms?
What the hell kind of reference was that? Was the guy going to smoke the
panties?? What is more strange? The guy stealing them- or the cops
taking the time to weigh them?
Garth Flaherty, 24, was charged with theft and burglary relating to
1,613 pairs of panties, bras and other women's underwear stolen from
apartment laundry rooms in Pullman, near Washington State University.
Under an agreement with prosecutors, he pleaded guilty and was sentenced
to 45 days in jail.
At first he was
claming that they had arrested the thong guy.
He may serve 30 days of his term in community service, court officials
said.
I will bet you
that his community service won't be served in a laundry room.
Three Little Pigs 'too offensive'
BBC
NEWS - A story based on the Three Little Pigs has been turned down from
a government agency's annual awards because the subject matter could
offend Muslims.
Well, GOD forbid we offend the heathen Muslims.
I
say chase them around the block and slap them all with raw slices bacon.
The digital
book, re-telling the classic fairy tale, was rejected by judges who
warned that "the use of pigs raises cultural issues".
Political Correctness is going to end life as we know it.
This little
piggy blew himself up at the market, this little piggy blew
himself up at home, this little piggy screamed wee, wee, wee, death to
the infidels - all the way to his home/cave.
Wednesday, 23, 2008
Teacher's sex-abuse confession
thrown out
SHOVELLINE -SCOTTSDALE, AZ - A Maricopa
County Superior Court judge has tossed the confession of a former
Saguaro High School substitute teacher accused of fondling a 17-year-old
student at his home in April.
The ruling by Judge Helene Abrams is a major victory for Tom Porras, who
confessed to Scottsdale police that he had ejaculated on the student,
whom he had invited to his home for an "athletic massage," according to
earlier court documents.
Dude, talk
about rubbing someone the wrong way!! WHAP! I wonder if she was
on the pole-vaulting team?
This guy just
got off twice! Sorry.
Amy Nguyen, Porras' attorney, had asked Abrams to throw out her client's
confessions because police had ignored his constitutional rights to
remain silent and have an attorney present when they questioned him on
April 26.
In her
three-page ruling, Abrams said that Scottsdale police at the school
advised Porras of his Miranda rights to remain silent and have an
attorney present during questioning.
But the judge said that Scottsdale detectives ignored Porras' requests
"at least three times" not to be questioned about the allegations.
Stupid
detectives! They must be watching too much CSI. This is a sticky
situation.
World's biggest fish finger
revealed
Rosie O' Fat unavailable for comment.
We all like stories about giant pizzas, huge donuts
and massive paella.
Well, not to be out done, the world's biggest fish
finger has been created.
I heard that they did it just for the halibut.
Sorry, WHAP! on myself.
It was served up by an MP outside the Houses of
Parliament.
Fish fingers have been popular in Britain for
the past 80 years - even Posh Spice has
confessed to eating them.
The only question we have is how much tomato
sauce would you need for the king of all
sandwiches?!
I would make a concise decision and not
flounder on it.
Tuesday, 22, 2008
I'D RATHER BE FAT AND RICH
If American
women could choose between having Jennifer Aniston's bikini body or a
million dollars, three out of four would take the money and run.
That's
one of the eye-opening findings of an online poll by Woman's Day
magazine and AOL Body that asked 6,905 women questions about their
body-image and health-care concerns.
Well, duh!!! I
am going to call this the Rosie O'Fat syndrome. Remember in her early
days, when she was skinny and attractive? Ummm... well now that I think
about it, I can't either. Anyway, this is the way most chicks view life
- gimme the money, money, money - and I will spend it on the bacon
wrapped chocolate bars, covered in sugar-butter! I'm just saying.... ya
know? I'm not talking about my female Shovelers - my Shovellets.
Judge Says Ex-Con Can Keep Lottery
Winnings
SHOVELLINE -BARNSTABLE, Mass. --
More good luck
has come to a convicted bank robber who won $1 million Massachusetts
lottery prize.
A judge said
Timothy Elliott can keep his winnings even though he violated probation
when he bought the scratch-off ticket.
Elliott was put
on five years probation after pleading guilty in 2006 to robbing a Cape
Cod bank. Part of that probation included no gambling or buying lottery
tickets.
This is why we
need to do away with liberal judges. They will sit on the bench and
pick-and-choose when they want to enforce the law. WHAP!
Monday, 21, 2008
Chess legend Fischer dies at 64
The US-born player, who became famous
for beating Cold War Soviet rival Boris Spassky in 1972, died of an
unspecified illness, his spokesman said.
He was granted Icelandic citizenship
in 2005 as a way to avoid being deported to the US.
Mr Fischer was wanted for breaking
international sanctions by playing a match in the former Yugoslavia in
1992.
He must have felt like a pawn.
He also had alienated many in his
homeland by broadcasting anti-Semitic diatribes and expressing support
for the 11 September 2001 attacks in New York.
Supporting the 9-11 attacks??!!?
I'm glad he is dead. Hell, it makes me
want to drop my shovel and bop my bishop.
Checkmate, you A-hole!
Mystery Man's Annual Visit to Poe
Grave
Undeterred by controversy, a mysterious visitor paid his
annual tribute at the grave of Edgar Allan Poe early
Saturday, placing three red roses and a half-filled bottle
of cognac before stealing away into the darkness.
Nearly 150 people had gathered outside the cemetery of
Westminster Presbyterian Church, but the man known as the
"Poe toaster" was, as usual, able to avoid being spotted by
the crowd, said Jeff Jerome, curator of the Poe House and
Museum.
The tribute takes place every Jan.
19 — the anniversary of Poe's birth.
The
visitor did not leave a note, Jerome said, electing not to
respond to questions raised in the past year about the
history and authenticity of the tribute.
So,
now there is this former church historian, who led the fight
to preserve the cemetery, and he is claiming that the whole
thing was a hoax that he made up in the 1970's as a
publicity stunt.
"We
did it, myself and my tour guides," Porpora, a former
advertising executive, said in August. "It was a promotional
idea."
Hmmm....a lie? Maybe a Tell-Tale Heart will beat on until he
goes Coo-Coo for Coco Puffs!
Jerome disputes Porpora's claims and says the tribute began
in 1949 at the latest, pointing to a 1950 article in The
(Baltimore) Evening Sun that mentions "an anonymous citizen
who creeps in annually to place an empty bottle (of
excellent label)" against the gravestone.
And
every year, after the crowds have cleared, Ted Kennedy
always shows up and grabs the bottle and bumbles back to his
office.
Then he sits there on a midnight dreary, remembering how his
name and money stopped the query's,
He would never think of the fact that he let Mary Joe die
anymore--
Even when he nods, besotted, napping, and there comes a
tapping,
As of some one gently rapping, rapping at his limos
floorboard.
"'Tis some visitor I have drowned," he mutters, "tapping at
my floorboard--
Only this and nothing more."
"Go away! I am Ted f***ing Kennedy and I got away with it.
Burp!"
Jerome invites a handful of Poe enthusiasts to join him
inside the church every year but withholds details of the
tribute in an effort to help the toaster maintain his
anonymity. He said the visitor no longer wears the
wide-brimmed hat and scarf he donned in the past.
In
1993, the visitor left a note reading, "The torch will be
passed." A later note said the man, who apparently died in
1998, had handed the tradition on to his two sons.
This year's visitor was the same man who has come to the
grave site many times in the past, Jerome said.
"We recognize him from his build, the
way he walks," he said. "It would be very easy for us,
visually, to see if this were a different person."
Poe, who wrote poems and horror
stories including "The Raven" and "The Telltale Heart," died
Oct. 7, 1849, in Baltimore at the age of 40 after collapsing
in a tavern. Next year will be the 200th anniversary of his
birth.
Well, I will tell you guys one thing - with the hyenas and
vultures that we have in the 24/7 press now, it probably
won't be a "mystery" after the 200th. They will have the
grave site surrounded with cameras and lights. It will be
lit up like Ted Kennedy on..... well, any given day.
Anyway, it wouldn't surprise me to see Geraldo trying to
tackle the guy for an "exclusive, first time" interview.
Clowns say kids do NOT find them
scary
SHOVELLINE -LONDON -Unhappy clowns from
around the world say a study that reported that children didn't like
them has wiped the big smile from their faces, and have been falling
over their large shoes to put their case.
A poll by
researchers looking at what decor to put in hospital children's wards
found that youngsters do not like clowns on the walls and even older
ones think they are scary.
"We found that clowns are universally disliked
by children. Some found them quite frightening
and unknowable," said Penny Curtis, senior
researcher at the
University of Sheffield which questioned
250 children aged between four and 16.
I wonder what kind of questions this 'highly
intellectual' survey was based on. Did they show
them picture after picture of John Wayne Gacy?
What was it that Gacy said? "it's not rape if
they are dead."???
Maybe, in this "study", they showed the kids
pictures of KISS in full makeup. Who knows?
Clowns kind of make my skin crawl, but they
don't scare me. I will say this though, if
someone in clown makeup approached me on the
street - it would be a death beating with my
shovel. Same thing for a mime.
I think it should be legal to beat mimes to
death whether they approach you or not! WHAP!
But their
findings, published in a nursing magazine on Wednesday, has put the red
noses of the clowning community out of joint.
"The 'universe'
of 250 children used for the
Sheffield University study was miniscule compared to the 250,000
one-to-one bedside visits made by Clown Care to hospitalized children
annually," said Joel Dein, director of communications at the
Big Apple Circus in
New York.
The Clown Care
programme has involved two million hospital bedside visits since it
began 21 years ago, employs more than 93 professional "Clown Doctors"
and has been copied across the world in countries such as
Italy and
Brazil, Dein said.
I think our
country should be very afraid of clowns. Not the ones in makeup - the
ones in WASHINGTON!!!!!!
Friday, 24, 2008
Spectator sues Blue Man Group over
antics
Audience
participation is a staple of the Blue Man Group. But apparently, one
audience member attending the Chicago show believes cast members took
their surreal antics too far by forcing a video camera down his throat
during a performance in October 2006.
James Srodon of California filed a lawsuit Wednesday against the group.
In the lawsuit filed in Cook County Circuit Court, Srodon says the Blue
Man actors used the "esophagus cam" to project an image of Srodon's
mouth and throat onto a large screen for the audience's amusement.
The lawsuit alleges the Blue Man actors circled him, held his neck and
arms and "forced his head back" to insert the camera. It claims he was
restrained from removing the camera from his mouth.
"At the time the 'esophagus cam' was inserted into plaintiff's mouth, it
was covered in food, liquid and grime from the Briar Street Theatre
floor, including the thick blue paint used to cover the actors' faces,"
the lawsuit said.
Srodon is seeking damages of more than $50,000 for battery, negligence
and negligent infliction of emotional distress. He contends the camera
injured his mouth, throat and dental work.
If I were him I
would sue myself for being stupid enough to go and waste precious
minutes of my life on this suck-fest!! WHAP!
Seriously! I
can't even sit through a 30 second commercial of those idiots! Why in
the hell would anyone pay to sit through an entire show?
I hope the
judge throws this case out and then beats this mongoloid idiot to death
with a shovel right there in the courtroom! WHAP!
See you guys
Monday.
Thursday, 24, 2008
Panty snatcher pleads guilty
A man is facing
a jail sentence after 42 kilograms of missing women's undergarments were
found in his bedroom.
42 kilograms?
What the hell kind of reference was that? Was the guy going to smoke the
panties?? What is more strange? The guy stealing them- or the cops
taking the time to weigh them?
Garth Flaherty, 24, was charged with theft and burglary relating to
1,613 pairs of panties, bras and other women's underwear stolen from
apartment laundry rooms in Pullman, near Washington State University.
Under an agreement with prosecutors, he pleaded guilty and was sentenced
to 45 days in jail.
At first he was
claming that they had arrested the thong guy.
He may serve 30 days of his term in community service, court officials
said.
I will bet you
that his community service won't be served in a laundry room.
Three Little Pigs 'too offensive'
BBC
NEWS - A story based on the Three Little Pigs has been turned down from
a government agency's annual awards because the subject matter could
offend Muslims.
Well, GOD forbid we offend the heathen Muslims.
I
say chase them around the block and slap them all with raw slices bacon.
The digital
book, re-telling the classic fairy tale, was rejected by judges who
warned that "the use of pigs raises cultural issues".
Political Correctness is going to end life as we know it.
This little
piggy blew himself up at the market, this little piggy blew
himself up at home, this little piggy screamed wee, wee, wee, death to
the infidels - all the way to his home/cave.
Wednesday, 23, 2008
Teacher's sex-abuse confession
thrown out
SHOVELLINE -SCOTTSDALE, AZ - A Maricopa
County Superior Court judge has tossed the confession of a former
Saguaro High School substitute teacher accused of fondling a 17-year-old
student at his home in April.
The ruling by Judge Helene Abrams is a major victory for Tom Porras, who
confessed to Scottsdale police that he had ejaculated on the student,
whom he had invited to his home for an "athletic massage," according to
earlier court documents.
Dude, talk
about rubbing someone the wrong way!! WHAP! I wonder if she was
on the pole-vaulting team?
This guy just
got off twice! Sorry.
Amy Nguyen, Porras' attorney, had asked Abrams to throw out her client's
confessions because police had ignored his constitutional rights to
remain silent and have an attorney present when they questioned him on
April 26.
In her
three-page ruling, Abrams said that Scottsdale police at the school
advised Porras of his Miranda rights to remain silent and have an
attorney present during questioning.
But the judge said that Scottsdale detectives ignored Porras' requests
"at least three times" not to be questioned about the allegations.
Stupid
detectives! They must be watching too much CSI. This is a sticky
situation.
World's biggest fish finger
revealed
Rosie O' Fat unavailable for comment.
We all like stories about giant pizzas, huge donuts
and massive paella.
Well, not to be out done, the world's biggest fish
finger has been created.
I heard that they did it just for the halibut.
Sorry, WHAP! on myself.
It was served up by an MP outside the Houses of
Parliament.
Fish fingers have been popular in Britain for
the past 80 years - even Posh Spice has
confessed to eating them.
The only question we have is how much tomato
sauce would you need for the king of all
sandwiches?!
I would make a concise decision and not
flounder on it.
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