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Chicken lays mystery Allah egg
A chicken in a Kazakh village has laid an egg with the word "Allah" inscribed on its shell, state media reported on Thursday.
"Our mosque confirmed that it says 'Allah' in Arabic,"
Bites Amantayeva, a farmer from the village of Stepnoi
in eastern Kazakhstan, told state news agency Kazinform.
What is the big deal here? Everything that comes out of my butt has Allah written all over it! WHAP!! WHAP!!
"We'll keep this egg and we don't think it'll go bad."
I agree. It will probably explode and take out a bus load full of innocent children long before it goes bad. Idiots! I would like to offer them some bacon to go with it. Bacon....mmmmm... sweet bacon!!!
Sex offender credited on children's CD
Officials are distancing themselves from a state-sponsored CD of children's songs recorded by prison inmates after it was revealed a child sex offender helped put it together.
Among those credited on the "Wings of Hope" CD
is Raymond Towler, 49, who was sentenced to 12
years to life in 1981 for the kidnapping of two
children, the assault of a boy and the rape of a
girl.
WHAT!!?????? Will a couple of you Shovelers please come over here and wrap your hands around my head, so that it doesn't explode into a billion pieces??!!!!!!?? These are criminals! How in the world did they get to record a CD?
For that matter, how in the hell did Paula Abdul get to record a CD? Please beat my ears shut with a shovel before punching that album up on the jukebox!
Anywho, back to the incarcerated scum.........why do we let them do anything other than lay on their bunks?
This is a prime example of your liberal democrat tax dollars at work. Always worrying more about criminals rights than they do about victims rights. A dead victim can't vote. The caged criminal, if they get their way, can. WHAP!!!!!!!!
The Democrats usually get the criminal vote, don't they?
Thursday, 13, 2006 Police investigate 'tampon maniac' in Groningen
SHOVELLINE- AMSTERDAM — Police in the Northern Dutch city of Groningen are investigating a man who rummages though rubbish bags in search of used tampons and sanitary towels.
The 40-year-old local man is particularly interested in tampons used by students and young women, a police spokesperson said on Tuesday.
The fetishist has been active for at least the last six months and has been regularly spotted searching through garbage outside student dorms. It is not known what he does with the items he collects.
He has left letters for several of his 'victims'. Citing the interests of the investigation, the police spokesperson refused to disclose the contents letters, but said they included a play on words.
Maybe he was asking them it they had seen his Aunt Flo? WHAP!! Enough of this sick story. What a freak!!!
My guess is that they will end up catching him red handed.
ughh.... I'm sorry for that one, guys. Female shovelers, feel free to swing unmercifully at me.
Sharks Up For Adoption After Bay Area Man's Fish Turn Into Snacks
A Bay Area man's nine-ton fish tank is missing a few puffer fish after he started housing two stray sharks, NBC11's Diane Dwyer reported.
Animal lover and stray shark owner, John Valentine, couldn't say no to housing the two black-tipped reef sharks about a month ago.
Stray shark owner? When did that become a recognized title? The liberals in the press just can't get out of their own way!Stray shark owner......what is that?
"What do you do John?"
"I am a stray shark owner. I come from a long line of owners of stray sharks. My great, great, great grand pappy owned a humongous stray shark. As a matter of fact, it was the shark that inspired Steven Spielberg to film the movie JAWS." WHAP!!!
Valentine, who lives in Pleasanton, said the sharks would have died if he did not take them in.
"These were ordered by, I believe a dentist, and when he saw that they were good-sized sharks (and) they wouldn't fit in his tank, they needed a home or they were going to die," Valentine said.
"You're going to need a bigger boat."
The new additions to his tank have made snacks out of his other fish.
"We had a nice display of some angels, a couple of raffs and about 40 damsels. When the sharks were entered in the tank about a month ago, they're all gone," Valentine said.
A month ago??!!!??? This animal lover waited until the sharks ate over 40 of his beloved fish before he did anything? I guess he is selective in which animal he loves most.
Note to 'animal loving' jackass.... Day one - one fish gone. Day two - two sharks gone! What an idiot. My brain just went into a Walt Disney state thinking about this. It froze!!
"I think the best thing for them is maybe somewhere in Las Vegas, you know, somewhere in Monterey, or someone who has a large featured exhibit can take them and treat them well and make sure they have a beautiful, nice home," Valentine said.
Let me help you out here, booger lips. Send them to me. They will be treated well and be a featured exhibit.
I have kabob skewers and a grill with 360 square inches of pristine grilling surface. The sharks will be truly enjoyed by many!
Damn, I didn't get a Quint reference in here, shame on me!!!
Wednesday, 12, 2006 Wife accused of killing husband reportedly used insurance money for breasts
I once heard a girl say that she would kill for a bigger set of tits, errr.. knocker.....err I mean, breast, but I never thought.....
A woman accused of poisoning her Marine husband and using money from his life insurance policy to get her breasts enlarged was a chronic over spender who refused to live within a family budget, witnesses testified Monday.
Cynthia Sommer, 32, pleaded not guilty in March to charges of murdering Sgt. Todd Sommer, 23, in February 2002 for financial gain. Prosecutors haven't decided whether to seek a death sentence.
Cynthia Sommer received an initial consultation on breast
enhancement surgery the day her husband first complained of
feeling ill, Terwilliger testified. She had the $5,400
surgery in April 2002.
She received a $250,000 lump-sum life insurance payment and a $6,000 military death benefit, as well as $1,871 a month from the Department of Veterans Affairs, authorities said.
Howard Stern was put on hold when Bill Clinton called her in May and.. ....... ahhhhh..... I've got nothing here, Shovelers.
Goodnight! Thanks for dropping by. Have a safe surf home. agggghhhh.. HAAHAA
IRS: Damage at HQ to Take 6 Months to Fix
Flood damage at IRS headquarters will take six months to completely repair, the tax agency said Tuesday.
If the FAIR TAX had been in place this building wouldn't even be in existence!
Flooding that hit parts of the Northeast in June submerged the Internal Revenue Service's lower levels and ruined the building's heating, air conditioning and electrical systems.
The General Services Administration, which manages federal buildings, estimated it will take the rest of the year to manufacture and install replacements.
``The average taxpayer shouldn't feel this at all,'' said John Dalrymple, IRS deputy commissioner for operations support.
What does that mean?
"Bend over and grab your ankles, you won't feel this at all. At least no more than you have felt it since you received your very first pay check."
Isn't it a rule that you have to be a former member of the Manson family to work for the IRS? I don't know? I could be wrong. Somebody look that up.
9/11 'revisionist' allowed to teach
I'm going to go put on my black helicopter flight jacket before continuing with this story. I suggest you guys go grab your tinfoil hats. Oh, and grab your shovels.
The university provost, Patrick Farrell, said in a statement late on Monday: "We cannot allow political pressure from critics of unpopular ideas to inhibit the free exchange of ideas."
Isn't that a nice little liberal quip? "cannot allow political pressure from critics of unpopular ideas to inhibit the free exchange of ideas." That is all they live to do when it comes to ideas that are different than theirs! To them, eliminating conservative ideas isn't called inhibition, it is called "equal time." Equal being - 99 liberal voices to every 1 conservative voice. WHAP!!!!!!
Actually, this has nothing to do with ideas. It is about some moon loon trying to convince people that his illogical vapid lies are the truth, and the liberals want to let him do it because it makes them feel good. WHAP! WHAP! WHAP!!!
Barrett can present his view as one of many perspectives on the September 11 attacks on New York and Washington DC when he teaches Islam: Religion and Culture this fall, Farrell said.
Teaches Islam??? How convenient! Never would have imagined that.
I think, before my head explodes, I need to go lay down for a second. Relax.... maybe some cold cucumbers on the eyes, mud in my bath water and soft flute music in the back ground. Whap, whap whap, whap, whap, whap.....zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Oldest UK mum has a boy
BRITAIN’S oldest mum told last night of her joy at
giving
Dr Patricia Rashbrook’s little boy — who has been nicknamed JJ — came into the world at 9.53am on Wednesday weighing 6lb 10½oz.
Man, talk about being obsessed with the thought of having a grandchild!!
I must give it to them though. What a plan! Think about it.... just about the time the kid feels the need to move out, they will be needing to move in with him. BRILLIANT!!!
Tuesday, 11, 2006
FBI Raid On Congressman Ruled Constitutional
SHOVELLINE -WASHINGTON -- An FBI raid on a Louisiana congressman's Capitol Hill office was legal, a federal judge ruled Monday.
That sound you just heard was every member of Congress slamming their paper shredders into overdrive. Me thinks that right about now I could make a couple of million selling file erasing software up there on the Hill.
Chief U.S. District Judge Thomas F. Hogan said members of Congress are not above the law. He rejected requests from lawmakers and Democratic Rep. William Jefferson to return material seized by the FBI in a May 20-21 search of Jefferson's office.
In a 28-page opinion, Hogan dismissed arguments that the first-ever raid on a congressman's office violated the Constitution's protections against intimidation of elected officials.
Protection against intimidation of elected officials? Nice try, A-hole! My bet is that every member of Congress read this and innately exclaimed, "What the hell? Are we not above the law anymore?"
Jefferson's theory of legislative privilege "would have the effect of converting every congressional office into a taxpayer-subsidized sanctuary for crime," the judge said.
Speak the TRUTH brother!! Speak it! Swing it!! WHAP!!! I raise a shovel to you.
I love this ruling. Imagine it... a judge telling those pretentious, narcissistic whack jobs that all of those bills that they pass, trying so hard to make us a surveillance society, actually apply to them too. WHAP!!!
I am sick of both parties nowadays, Shovelers. You know.... we only have two parties. That means that we only have one more party than Iraq had under Saddam.
Anywho, I will tell you what this is going to lead to. The 'members' will lay low and not say much until this blows over. Then they will slip something into a future bill, probably in a natural disaster relief bill when we Americans are thinking of goodwill for the victims - they will sneak in a law, some where way in the back, making it illegal to search any of their offices, homes, handbags, or wallets. Filthy. Just filthy! You guys just watch.
Online Wagering Under Attack in Congress
Did I miss something? Did they solve all the REAL problems facing our nation while I was napping and are now just playing around?
Gamblers who prefer their laptops to blackjack tables won't like what Congress is doing. On Tuesday, the House plans to vote on a bill that would ban credit cards for paying online bets and could padlock gambling Web sites.
The legislation would clarify existing law to spell out that it is illegal to gamble online.
To enforce that ban, the bill would prohibit credit cards and other payment forms, such as electronic transfers, from being used to settle online wagers. It also would give law enforcement officials the authority to work with Internet providers to block access to gambling Web sites
Liberty just folded!! WHAP!!
John Kindt, a business professor at the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign who has studied the issue, calls the Internet "the crack cocaine" of gambling.
"There are no needle marks. There's no alcohol on the breath. You just click the mouse and lose your house," he said.
"You just click the mouse and lose your house."!!??!! The sound-bite surge protector in my head just exploded!!
What the hell? Was this guy channeling Johnny Cochran at the time?
This is all one big load of crap! Congress is just pandering to the gambling lobbyists!! Funny how meaningful legislation always ends up stalled in Congress, but some piece of crap like this gets voted on. It is completely meaningless, considering that most of the gambling websites are not US-based, thus this will not affect them at all.
'Wigged Out' Students Caught Cheating
More than 20 desperate students in Vietnam paid up to 50 million dong to don elaborately wired wigs and shirts that allowed them to cheat on their college entrance exams, police said Monday.
Madonna heard '50 million dong' and immediately booked a flight for Vietnam. Andy Dick did the same. Amber Lyn chuckled, thinking back to her 50 millionth Dong.
During a
weekend raid, Hanoi police confiscated 50 mobile phones, 60
earphones, 150 SIM cards, eight shirts and five wigs, an officer
said on condition of anonymity because he was not authorized to
speak to the media.
 Ring leader Nguyen Hong Hai, 39, told police that more than 20 students paid 20 million dong to 50 million dong to get wigs or shirts that were wired to mobile phones so they could call in test questions and answers, he said.
Shirts and wigs wired to mobile phones? Talk about a perfect scenario for another Revenge of the Nerds sequel!
"Ummm... the answer to question 11 is WANG."
We have never had a story on this page where the word dong was used so much. Well, other than that story about Julia Roberts. Am I still the only one here who hasn't had her? Huh? Can I get a show of hands?
Monday, 10, 2006 Schwarzenegger gets license six months after motorcycle crash
California
Governor Arnold
Schwarzenegger
has finally
gotten a motorcycle license nearly six months after
crashing without one while riding his
Harley-Davidson, according to a report.
An official at the Republican governor's office
confirmed the report when contacted by AFP, but gave
no details and spoke only on condition of anonymity.
Here at Shovel Central, we received an exclusive tip that Arnold complained about them making him take the test with a kid hanging on to him from the back of the bike while he was forced to steer with one hand and repeatedly fire a shotgun at robots from the future with the other.
Schwarzenegger received 15 stitches in the January accident, and later appeared in public with a puffy lip saying that getting a license had never crossed his mind.
"Dis test suck. Akkk, nakk, mine lick-a-himey stein.
Lightning Injures Three Women
Lightning injured
three women working in a field in Berkeley County.
RETRIEVE??? Grammar police alert!!! Revive her! WHAP!!
Zeus is being sought
for questioning.
Evacuees Encounter Obstacles in Job
Hunt In the middle of a Tuesday afternoon, Katrina evacuee Samuel Smith sits on a donated futon and watches a borrowed television in a subsidized apartment the Federal Emergency Management Agency has provided for six months. The unemployed truck driver just started looking for work.
Six months and he JUST started looking?? I will assume that ambition isn't in the top 10 of the list of this losers traits. WHAP!!! If I saw that fact on his résumé, not only would I not hire him, I would chase him out of my office with a shovel!
That would infuriate U.S. Rep. John Culberson, a Houston Republican who wants what he calls "deadbeat" evacuees from New Orleans out of his city.
"Time has long since passed for the able-bodied people from Louisiana to either find a job, return to somewhere in Louisiana or become Houstonians," said Culberson, whose district neighbors the city's southwest pocket where many of 150,000 Hurricane Katrina evacuees settled in Houston.
"You have to make an effort not to have a job in Houston," he said.
Labor analysts tend to agree.
But jobless evacuees, keenly aware that Houston is feeling far less compassionate than it was 10 months ago, insist that finding work in the nation's fourth-largest city isn't as simple as Houston's 5 percent unemployment rate might suggest.
Houston should be feeling a LOT less compassionate for these freeloading, goodwill abusing sponges! Also, how would they know how to find work when they have never had to try and do it before? Louisiana is a welfare state. You are born and then you spend the rest of your life exploring all the ways that the government can pay for your miserable existence. Sorry, not everyone, just the ones who are the subjects of this article.
Neither the city nor FEMA track unemployed evacuees, but a Zogby poll commissioned by the city in March found that 85 percent of the 606 refugees surveyed were out of work. Sixty percent said they were looking for jobs.
The other forty are just laying around waiting for hand outs
This is one long rambling article... read it if you want. I'll just say that anyone who sat around on their lazy asses, living off of other peoples backs for six months before they tried to go out and earn their own way should be beat to death with a shovel!! WHAP!!
BOOZE 'IS CHEAPER THAN WATER'
SCOTLAND'S drugs and alcohol tsar has attacked supermarket booze promotions which price lager cheaper than water.
Ted Kennedy just penned legislation that would allow him to perform his Senatorial duties from his newly purchased home in Scotland. His plans are to attach the legislation to a pending freedom of choice bill.
He slurred, "I believe that all women should have the right to choose, but even more, I believe that all Americans should have the right to choose. I am asking for support for my new "Choose to Booze" bill.
Tom Wood was stunned to learn that bulk buyers could buy cans and bottles of popular brands for as little as 40p. Wood, chairman of the Scottish Association of Alcohol and Drug Action Teams, said: "I believe alcohol more than drugs represents the greatest threat to young people in Scotland.
"We're drinking too much as a nation and it leads to violence, family break-up, obesity, heart conditions and other chronic health problems.
"Compared to what we are earning, alcohol has never been cheaper than it is now and a superb illustration of this is that lager is cheaper than bottled water in some supermarkets."
Note to mister Wood. Every beverage, other than coffee, is cheaper than bottled water!
Spanish McDonald's ad prompts talk of a boycot
The mayor of a small Bergen County town is calling for a McDonald's boycott if the fast-food chain does not take down a Spanish-language billboard advertising iced coffee.
Bogota Mayor Steve Lonegan said the advertisement is "offensive" and "divisive" because it sends a message that Hispanic immigrants do not need to learn English.
"McDonald's has the right to advertise to their customers in an appropriate and tasteful manner," said Jodi Senese, executive vice president for marketing for CBS Outdoor. "The billboard is directed to the Hispanic residents of Bogota who make up 20 percent of that town's population. Advertisers recognize the diverse makeup of our nation and often reach out to different populations with messages that are relevant through images and or language.
Blah, blah, WHAP!! This DIVERSE crap drives me insane!! Assimilate or leave!! I actually read a retort to this story where some jackass <obviously a snot licking liberal> said something like "I guess so much for freedom of speech, huh??? Go back to your coloring books and building blocks, you mental midget.
Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.
Just what language was that freedom of speech amendment written in??? Freaking ENGLISH!!!!!! Say what you want, just say it in ENGLISH! Learn it, live it love it! Or leave. Seems like simple stuff to me. WHAP!!!
The text of the advertisement in Bogota reads "Un frente helado se aproxima. Nuevo café helado," which means "A cold front is coming. A new iced coffee."
Or, in Michael Moore language, it means "two hundred all beef patties, two tubs of special sauce, a field of lettuce, a block of cheese, a jar of pickles, a ton of onions and.......yummmmm - going into my gullet. "Pull in!! I'm going to singled handedly make them change that sign from "billions" to "gazillions" SERVED. "
June 23, 2006 - Take Your Dog To Work Day
My dog! Hip Hop artist expected to bring the most "dogs". Snoop decided that he and his dogs should spend the day hanging on the couch toking down pounds of Mexican ditch weed and chowing down on Michael Moore sized bags of Cheetos.
Every dog has its day. And if you are looking for the perfect way to celebrate your pooch while positively impacting the lives of homeless dogs everywhere, you definitely want to be a part of Pet Sitters International’s Take Your Dog To Work Day®.
This is nothing new. The Chinese take their dogs to work everyday - FOR LUNCH!!!
I here that Richard Gere is pushing for a "Take your Gerbil" to work day.
Motorcyclist dies after hit by lightning
A motorcyclist was struck by
lightning and killed Wednesday afternoon while traveling on U.S. 36 in
Westminster, police said.
Gary Missi, 46, of Longmont, was westbound about 5:15 p.m. on the Boulder Turnpike just west of Sheridan Boulevard when lightning struck, Westminster police spokesman Tim Read said. Witnesses said they saw a bright flash that sent the yellow sport-bike veering into a concrete median.
Apparently God didn't find the humor in this guy claiming that his bike was faster than 'greased lighting'. Wow. A moving object being hit. Maybe, he was testing lighting with his newly acquired Patriot Missile technology.
Crossword puzzle fans get their own movie
Every Sunday morning, a nice, middle-aged man with a soothing voice drives listeners of a radio program heard across the United States to wonder if they are nuts or just stupid. He is Will Shortz, crossword puzzle editor of The New York Times, a puzzle fanatic since about the age of 9, and the holder of the only known Ph.D. in enigmalogy (the study of puzzles). He is also "Puzzle Master" of National Public Radio's Weekend Edition, in which he and host Liane Hansen conduct deviously clever word games with listeners.
That NPR sure does have some gripping radio shows doesn't it? Now the 53-year-old Shortz, one of a select few to make a living out of concocting crossword puzzles and word games, is about to become a movie star thanks to a new documentary called "Wordplay," which is built around him and a few others who have made crossword puzzle solving their life's work.
The nerds are back again. The film, which opens nationally on Friday, centers on Shortz and a tense little yearly contest he created, called the American Crossword Puzzle tournament.
This sounds like it has all the makings of another stupid Adam Sandler movie!! What is a seven letter word for "I would rather beat myself to death with a shovel than go see this" ??
Flashing Eer Ad Forces Hotel Evacuation
A red light from a beer ad that a bartender suspected was a bomb when he saw it blinking on a wall forced 35 people to be evacuated from a resort hotel.
Ummm.... note to reporter dude. It is a beer sign, not a beer ad. WHAP!!
The guests were allowed back in their rooms less than an hour later after a Marshall County sheriff's officer determined the light was part of a Pabst Blue Ribbon ad suction-cupped to the window of the Sam Snead restaurant in the resort.
What in the.......??? Was it one shot for the customer - one hot for the bartender night? I would have evacuated the place just because I had found 35 people actually drinking Pabst Blue Ribbon... hell, I would have called the CDC instead of the cops! :) WHAP!!!
Have a great weekend. See you guys Monday! Thursday, 22, 2006 Fans Threaten To Sue Barbra Streisand
Barbra Streisand is reportedly facing legal action from angry fans after she announced her upcoming US tour - as they insist they paid a fortune to see her 'last-ever' performances nearly a decade ago. The furious former admirers of the superstar are planning to file suit on fraud charges.
Streisand, who told fans she was quitting, touring for good in 1999, kicks off her tour in October.
Sure it could be called false advertising, but why are these people surprised? All of these singers/bands do this over and over again. How many farewell tours have the Who had, or the Eagles, or Kurt Cobain? Oh, wait........ Actually, out of all the things that Kurt released, I think the safety on his shotgun was my favorite! sooorry!
Anyway, I wouldn't sue just for the reason that I wouldn't want people to know that I had planned, and paid, to see a Barbara Streisand concert. I would rather everyone find out that I had a trunk full of midget porn.
I would love to see this woman just go away. She is a raving lunatic. An idiot! My guess is, when they opened the lines at the brains booth, she was standing in line for seconds at the nose booth.
Congress stiffs working Americans
Without much fanfare, the House of Representatives last week voted to give members of Congress yet another pay raise, as it has done almost every year for nearly a decade.
Hey, they deserve it! I mean, it is very, very hard work to earn a living by taking money out of the pockets of people who actually work to earn it. WHAP!!! I have said it before, I will say it again. TERM LIMITS!!! The fact of the matter is that most of these guys could take a big pay cut and not be hurting at all. Their salaries should consist of nothing more than an allotment for basic expenses.
How about, since they complain about the deficit all the time, they take a voluntary freaking PAY CUT!! Oh, but ....No. No. No. The government will never do with less, they will bring out the whips and beat it off of our backs before doing that. They are like kids at the mall with daddies credit card. Spend!!
We need the fair tax. It would take a lot of that power out of those power hungry swindlers hands!
Just who do those circus freaks represent?? They represent themselves 95% of the time and their constituents the remaining 5%. And, they will continue to do so until we all, shovel in hand, surround that hill and make them cut it out. But that will never happen because people just don't give a damn anymore. WHAP!!!!
I hope they all develop an excruciatingly annoying painful rectal itch!
Man tests gun, shoots hole in his left hand
This
one might earn an honorable mention in the Darwin Awards,
Wichita police say.
A 28-year-old man wanted to see whether his girlfriend's Walther .22 handgun was loaded, so he pulled the trigger -- and blew a hole in his left hand.
For some reason, Capt. Joe Dessenberger said, the man had placed his hand in front of the barrel as he pulled the trigger on Monday in east Wichita.
The man was treated at Wesley Medical Center. -- Stan Finger
Ok. To start with..... how freaky is it that this story was filed by a guy with the last name - Finger???
It was only a .22. ....... Grab a Band-Aid and walk it off, nancy-boy! My guess is that he has probably tried to lick a frozen flagpole or two in his youth. Or maybe the day before - who knows? Also, how much do you guys want to bet that the last thing he said before pulling the trigger was "Here honey, hold my beer"!! Too bad he didn't try looking down the barrel!
Wednesday, 21, 2006 Global Warming Affecting Your Life? E-Mail Us
Here is a link for all you liberals who come to this site.
Witnessing
the impact of global warming in your life?
ABC News wants to hear from you. We're currently producing a report on the increasing changes in our physical environment, and are looking for interesting examples of people coping with the differences in their daily lives. Has your life been directly affected by global warming?
We want to hear and see your stories. Have you noticed changes in your own backyard or hometown? The differences can be large or small — altered blooming schedules, unusual animals that have arrived in your community, higher water levels encroaching on your property.
WHAP!!!! Sure they want to hear from you. but, if you write in to say that your life has not changed in any sort of tiny, little microscopic way ... your email will be immediately deleted! Bunch of left-wing freaks! This is just further proof that the media no longer reports the news. THEY TRY AND CREATE IT!! That is all this is. They have an agenda to create a story and they are going to use letters from whackos to try and legitimize it. WHAP!!!It is sad. Or should I sat sick!
All I have to say is, so what if it is hotter lately, all that means is that the girls will be wearing less. What is wrong with that?
Michael Moore likes the hotter temperatures, because it means that he can cover the hood of his car in butter and fry his bacon, eggs, ham and lard on it. "It is like having a drive thru in my driveway," he said. WHAP!!
In my opinion it is Daylight Saving Time that has caused all of this warming. Think about it..... year after year of all of those extra hours of the sun being up and beating down on us. Stop DST!!!
Woman to run in nude to save bulls
A BRIGHOUSE woman hopes her nude antics will expose the cruelty behind a Spanish tourist attraction.
Lynzi Waddington, 21, is joining hundreds of fellow animal rights activists on a naked run through the streets of Pamplona. The run, called Running of the Nudes, has taken place in the Spanish city annually for the past four years.
Other than the models that P.E.T.A. trots out, have you seen your average peta member? They should call this the running of the hogs!
Organised by Peta (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals), the event is held two days before the city's annual Running of the Bulls.
I have a solution here, accidentally run the bulls two days early.
The Running of the Bulls event is part of the festival of San Fermin, attended by thousands of people from all over the world each year. By doing this, they aim to show tourists that there is a win-win alternative to the traditional spectacle in which bulls are forced to stampede the streets.
My guess is that tons of guys would show up to run from those naked, maniacal bovines!
Whales Slap Flatulent Prey
Norwegian killer
whales slap their tails underwater to disorient and kill herring, which
sometimes defend themselves from the assault by disappearing under
In related news, Clinton slaps tails to disorient his victims.
The study is one of two papers presented at the recent Acoustical Society of America Meeting in Rhode Island that addressed some of the clever techniques whales employ to catch their dinner.
While whales often are successful, some herring escape. The study's authors perhaps say it best: “Farting may save their lives.”
Well known gas bag, Michael Moore has often claimed that farting has saved his life. A little gas release helped him avoid exploding.
Lego to cut 1,200 jobs in Denmark, U.S.
Lego Group, whose iconic plastic building blocks have entertained millions of children for more than 70 years, said Tuesday it will be shedding 1,200 of its worldwide jobs to remold itself in an era when kids prefer playing with electronic gadgets.
This is sad. I made my first shovel, and first girlfriend, out of Legos. She was a bit edgy.
Tuesday, 20, 2006 Pa. city poised for immigration crackdown
SHOVELLINE - HAZLETON, Pa. - With tensions rising and the police department and municipal budget stretched thin, Hazleton is about to embark on one of the toughest crackdowns on illegal immigrants anywhere in the United States.
Last week the mayor of this former coal town
introduced, and the City Council tentatively
approved, a measure that would revoke the business
licenses of companies that employ illegal
immigrants; impose $1,000 fines on landlords who
rent to illegal immigrants; and make English the
official language of the city.
God bless this man! Someone has to do this. I wish our federal government would, but this an election year so you can forget about that.
Let me say this one more time... they are NOT IMMIGRANTS!!! They are ILLEGAL INVADRES! ILL-FREAKING-LEGAL!!!! Man, just damn! The next time I hear, 'push 1 for English' I might just go Enola Gay on somebody. Beat your representatives in the head with a shovel about this! WHAP! WHAP! WHAP!
Larger corpses catered for
A council-run crematorium is spending thousands of pounds on installing larger cremators so it can cater for an increasing number of "oversized" coffins.
Will one of those coffins be named, "The Michael Moore" ???
Managers at
Haycombe Crematorium in Bath, Somerset, have had to turn grieving
families away because their relatives were too big to be cremated at
the site.
The problem
became so common that when the two existing cremators were due to be
replaced this year, staff requested they were made wider and deeper
to accommodate larger people.
According to the press, the world is starving. Yet, evidence shows that there are more fat asses walking around. Hmmmmmmm..... which is it? Sort of maddening isn't it?1??
Clearwater cop accused of beating wife over group sex
A Clearwater Police
Officer was arrested Sunday after beating his wife for refusing to engage in
group sex, according to a Pasco County Sheriff’s report. After 6:30 p.m. Sunday, 43-year-old Nicholas Brems and his wife, who live in Lutz, got into an argument when he suggested the pair engage in sexual acts with other couples, according to the report.
Brems’ wife said after she told her husband no, he began pushing her head into a wall and punched her several times. According to the report, the beating left Brems’ wife with “blood streaming from the left side of her head,” as well as bruises on other parts of her body.
This looser is actually trying to claim that it was in self defense. Self defense of WHAT!!?? What a, maggot!!! WHAP!!! I am going to bite my tongue on this one. <too many 4 letter words my fly out of my fingers and onto this webpage> But I will say that I hope he gets his wish for group sex....... and I hope it is in the corner of a dark room, way back at the end of a hall of cell block D!
Cops... I have my shovel on me, so I REALLY have no need for them.
Monday, 19, 2006 Danish police 'distracted' by World Cup match
American police distracted by watching the Danish! and the doughnut and the cinnamon twist and the jelly filled chocolate covered sugar balls and... .....WHAP!
Some police officers in Denmark refused to answer an emergency call because they were engrossed in watching a televised World Cup football match, a Danish newspaper has reported.
The father of a 14-year-old boy phoned the police station at Gladsaxe, north-west of Copenhagen, on Monday night to report that his son had been threatened with a knife by two men on a motorcycle, who attacked the boy and stole his mobile phone, according to the tabloid, Ekstra Bladet.
He asked the police to send a patrol car as the robbers were still in the area and could be arrested. "We can't send a car because we don't have the men" available, the police station told him.
The father decided to file a complaint and went to the station, where he was surprised to find six to eight officers watching the Italy-Ghana match.
Soccer. Sounds like Ike Turner's solution to his everyday problems. Anyway, soccer. yaawwwwwwwwwwnnnn! If God had intended for us to play soccer HE WOULDN'T HAVE GIVEN US HANDS!!!!!! If you told me that I was going to be forced to watch soccer for the rest of my life, I would gouge my eyes out with a shovel! ... right before I beat Michael Moore to death with it. Although, even if my eyes were gouged out, I think I could find and WHAP that big fat ass! Swing, baby!
Man Charged With Having Crack in Sundae
This banana split was topped with something more potent than just a cherry. A motorist was arrested and charged with possession of a controlled substance after he was caught with two rocks of crack cocaine he had stashed in his ice cream dessert.
Our crack research team here at Shovel Central has discovered that Marion Berry has ordered 2 banana splits a day for the last 10 years.
Oscar Martinez, 41, of Richmond, had been pulled over by police officer David Bentley late Sunday after he failed to stop at a pedestrian crossing on the campus of Wharton County Junior College. Bentley discovered that Martinez had a suspended driver's license and an outstanding traffic warrant.
This Martinez guy told the cop that he wished he
could finish his banana split. The cop looked in the
car, probably wanting a bite for himself, and
noticed a melting banana split sitting on the front
floorboard. He also noticed that it was topped with
a square-shaped object. It turned out to be crack
cocaine.
"One of the crack rocks was sitting right on top of the bananas," Neinast told the Fort Bend Herald-Coaster. "Once he found the first crack rock, he figured there were more inside. He emptied it out and there it was."
I guess this will give a whole new meaning to a "Coke float"!!!!! WHAP! WHAP! WHAP!
Web news readers spend more money online: study
Frequent readers of newspaper Web sites are more likely to make online purchases than other Internet users, according to a study released on Friday by the Newspaper Association of America.
This study is a load of crap! People who frequent porn sites out spend them 100 times over! Our study here at Shovel Central proved that. And it was a thorough study. A lot of people were polled!
Eighty-two percent of so-called "power users" -- those who visit a newspaper Web site on an average day -- have bought products online, compared with 55 percent who are less frequent visitors, the study said. That is good news for newspaper companies, which are trying to revive their often profitable but flagging print editions, while pumping up revenue on their Web sites.
Wow! Thanks for the keen insight into the obvious, reporter dork.
We did a study that
showed that 100% of people who visit shopping malls have bought more
products there than 100% of those who didn't!!!
Stew Rieckman column: Men Who Cook cooking up annual event to help battered women
I wonder if they cooked battered shrimp, battered fish..... just kidding. All my Shovel babes need to remember one thing - if he hits you once he will hit you twice and and on and on and on! It drives me insane to see a battered woman who says, "but he loves me, he didn't mean to do it." AGGHHHH!!! WHAP! WHAP! WHAP!! Take my advice here. Read very closely, it is pretty easy to absorb. The first time your man hits you, wait until he goes to sleep... then you take out your shovel and you beat him in the face until he swallows his teeth and his eyeballs are three inches away from his eye sockets! Or shoot him in the nuts. Either way works for me.
I have never personally known anyone who was murdered. But I do feel that I've known Christine Clark for a long time.
Christine was an elementary school teacher. She was also a victim of domestic abuse. She had sought shelter at a Milwaukee area domestic abuse center and had received counseling from the Regional Domestic Abuse Services in Oshkosh. She had gotten out of the abusive relationship, was divorcing her husband Alan Schambow and was putting her life back together.
As is often the case in domestic abuse, Schambow feigned remorse and contrition in hopes of getting Christine to come back to him. His reconciliation attempts failed. Christine thought she was finished once and for all with the abusive relationship. But on April 8, 1990, Schambow lured Christine to the Eldorado Marsh on the guise of returning their daughter after his regular visitation. In the ultimate act of domestic abuse Schambow bludgeoned her to death with a tire iron. Schambow was convicted of first-degree intentional homicide and was sentenced to life in prison.
I hope he is in big boy prison with Hulk sized homos who make him their bitch and corn-hole him until his colon explodes!!!! WHAP! WHAP! WHAP!
Grand Jury Declines to Indict McKinney
A grand jury declined Friday to indict Rep. Cynthia McKinney in connection with a confrontation in which she admitted hitting a police officer who tried to stop her from entering a House office building.
So, a grand jury
declined indict Cynthia McKinney after she admitted hitting a cop who
tried to stop her from entering a House office building.
My guess is, she hit him with a left. Anywho, this sucks. It stinks. This woman is a disgrace! She is a race monger. If a can of Jerry Curl exploded in her hands she would scream racism and blame whitey, claiming that it only happened because she was black. It is sickening!
Man.... I needs me one of them there race cards. Who do I need to axe about wheres I gets it? Where be my 40?
China Makes Ultimate Punishment Mobile
Zhang Shiqiang, known as the Nine-Fingered Devil, first tasted justice at 13. His father caught him stealing and cut off one of Zhang's fingers.
Twenty-five years later, in 2004, Zhang met retribution once more, after his conviction for double murder and rape. He was one of the first people put to death in China's new fleet of mobile execution chambers.
Governors all over this country slapped their foreheads and shouted BRILLIANT!
The country that executed more than four times as many convicts as the rest of the world combined last year is slowly phasing out public executions by firing squad in favor of lethal injections. Unlike the United States and Singapore, the only two other countries where death is administered by injection, China metes out capital punishment from specially equipped "death vans" that shuttle from town to town.
Makers of the death vans say the vehicles and injections are a civilized alternative to the firing squad, ending the life of the condemned more quickly, clinically and safely. The switch from gunshots to injections is a sign that China "promotes human rights now," says Kang Zhongwen, who designed the Jinguan Automobile death van in which "Devil" Zhang took his final ride.
How many deaths do you think it gets to the mile? Also, is it customary to tip the lethal injection delivery guy, and if so - how much?
Art gallery loses its head, displays plinth
One of Britain's most prestigious art galleries put a block of slate on display, topped by a small piece of wood, in the mistaken belief it was a work of art.
Just further proof that modern art SUCKS!!
The Royal Academy included the chunk of stone and the small bone-shaped wooden stick in its summer exhibition in London.
a slab on which a pedestal is placed -- and the stick was designed to prop up a sculpture. The sculpture itself -- of a human head -- was nowhere to be seen.
But the slate was actually a plinth -- a slab on
which a pedestal is placed -- and the stick was
designed to prop up a sculpture. The sculpture
itself -- of a human head -- was nowhere to be
seen.
Since the slate and the head were submitted separately, they were judged separately. Here is the kicker, fellow Shovelers.
The freaking head was rejected, but the rock and stick were considered to have merit and were accepted. WHAP!!! Art is no longer art! It is a joke! The less talent you have the more credence they lend to your "work"! Insane. I think I'm going to try and get a government grant to photograph my shovel next to pictures of well-known liberals. I'll call the display... Wishful Thinking. WHAP!!!
Cocaine killed prisoner, inquest told
A massive amount of cocaine killed a woman who was carrying concealed drugs while she was in police custody, a coroner's inquest heard Wednesday.
Dona Sanderson, 42, died June 26, 2005. A week earlier she had been arrested on a drug charge and placed in Saskatoon city police cells
The inquest has
heard Sanderson was carrying a bag of cocaine in her vagina the night
she was arrested by Saskatoon city police and placed in cells.
Not just a bag, a bag containing a "massive" amount. How big was she...err I mean - it?
She must have been related to Courtney Love!
Charlie Sheen called the incident a 'loss of a dream date.'
Dr. Wendelin Ezzat, the pathologist who performed the autopsy, testified the massive amount of cocai |
the cover of their own bubbly flatulence, according to a new study.
