Thursday, 31, 2005
World's
largest known prime number found
An eye surgeon in
Germany has discovered the world's largest known prime number -- or at least
his computer did.
The surgeon, Dr.
Martin Nowak of Michelfeld, is among thousands of participants in the Great
Internet Mersenne Prime Search, one of several big projects that tap idle
computers worldwide.
Last month, Nowak's
Pentium 4 computer concluded that a number it had been crunching on for more
than 50 days was indeed prime, with only two integer divisors, 1 and itself.
Another computer
which was using different software verified the results.
A prime number is a
number that can only be divided evenly by itself and 1. Numbers like 2, 3,
5, 7...etc. The number 4 isn't prime because it can be evenly divided by 2.
Got it?
Anyway, the number
this guy came up with has 7,816,230 digits, and if printed in its entirety,
would fill 235 newspaper pages. It would also equal the amount of doughnuts
that Michael Moore consumes in an average year.
The first few
Mersenne primes are easily verifiable -- inserting 2, 3 and 5 for n
produces 3, 7 and 31, all prime -- but the math quickly becomes overwhelming
for larger values.
In 1644, Marin
Mersenne, a French monk, published a list of 11 prime numbers -- the highest
being 257 -- for which he asserted that 2n-1 was also
prime. That list was not fully checked until 1947, three centuries later.
Mersenne turned out to be wrong about two numbers on his list and had missed
three others, but his name still remains attached to the concept.
"Finding an
additional prime doesn't enlighten us very much," said Dr. Andrew Odlyzko, a
mathematician at the University of Minnesota.
Exactly! What an
unenlightening waste of time, and they are wasting the resources of over
75,000 computers to do it. Hell, I can't believe I just wasted valuable
space on my webpage to comment on this pointless story. Sorry. WHAP! To
myself!.
Nude
autograph session lands adult store in hot water
An
adult video store in Massachusetts is being blamed for violating city
ordinances because a porn star autographed and posed naked for pictures with
fans.
The X-rated actress allegedly stripped and posed for photos. I hear that the
line of fans was made up mostly of members of the Kennedy clan.
Peabody police detectives entered the Video Warehouse on Route 1 to
investigate a complaint about a store promotion. Video Warehouse is in a
location zoned for adult entertainment, but the store isn't licensed for
live nude performances, said Police Chief Robert Champagne.
Ok, let me get this straight. You can buy a couple hundred gangbang videos,
but you can't have your picture made standing next to a nude woman.
WHAP!!!!! Serenity now!! My God! Our government officials just can't think
logically. And, they damn sure don't live in enough fear of us. WHAP!
``It's one thing to go up and sign autographs, and another thing to pose for
pictures in the nude,'' he told the Salem News. ``This is not like people
signing baseball cards or something like that..."
You are damn right
its not. If you want to get a baseball card signed, you have to give the
shirt off of YOUR back in order to get one of those prima donna, self
loving, "star" athletes to take the precious seconds out of their
self-important life's to offer you a scribble. WHAP!
Wis. Professor to Test Stun Guns on
Pigs
A professor at the University of Wisconsin-Madison plans to study whether
stun guns alone can kill pigs - or whether other medical factors must be at
play - as part of an effort to understand why 70 people have died in North
America since 2001 after being shocked by Tasers.
Led by People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals, outraged animal
rights activists are calling for an end to the two-year study by John
Webster, a professor emeritus of biomedical engineering.
Michael Moore was seen wandering around outside of the lab, mumbling,
"bacon, bacon, bacon, BACON!"
Police hail stun guns as a non-lethal way to restrain unruly suspects.
But critics blame the weapons for dozens of deaths, and police departments
are reviewing how they use the devices, which shoot two small darts carrying
about 50,000 volts of electricity to temporarily paralyze people.
One questions comes to mind - why not a shovel? One good swing and there
is an instant sedative effect. Seems logical to me.
Webster wants to test his hypothesis that Taser-related deaths were the
result of heart failure fueled by drug use and other medical factors, not
electrocution by the devices. To do so, researchers will begin in the next
month studying how Taser electrical currents flow through 150-pound pigs.
Why not give a few pigs a break and just shock Rosanne Barr 3 times? Same
weight ratio, right? Save a few pigs the shocking?
Of three groups of pigs in the study, one will be given cocaine, one will
be shocked with the devices, and one will be given both cocaine and electric
blasts.
Robert Downey Junior, out of his love for animals, offered to volunteer
to be the pig that is to be given the cocaine.
Animal rights activists say the study, funded by a $500,000 U.S.
Department of Justice grant, is cruel and unnecessary. They plan protests on
the UW-Madison campus starting this week.
I wonder if any of those freaks are protesting the cruelty outside of
Terri Schiavo's hospice? Me doubts it!
New Perfume Defines Celine Dion
Celine Dion has a new perfume out that is supposed to remind fans that
she's a wife, mother - and confident woman.
<and, untalented,
annoying, mouse faced, freak>
It is called, Belong.
"In Belong, Celine reveals a little bit more of the woman Coty has come
to know behind the scenes," Eric Thoreux, president, Coty Beauty Americas,
said in a recent statement.
"The new fragrance reflects where Celine is right now in her life -
enjoying her family when she is out of the spotlight."
Right. Whatever! I say out of the spotlight is exactly where she belongs.
The article doesn't really describe the smell of the fragrance, or whether
it will turn you into a talent less screaming banshee whose singing voice is
very reminiscent of that of the screeching of a cat whose tail has been
pinned under the leg of the rocking chair of a 400 pound woman.
Wednesday, 30, 2005
Police officer who stops speeding
doctor gets suspended
A Florida police officer is being punished for handcuffing and ticketing
a doctor who was speeding to deliver a baby.
Obviously, the cop was a pro-abortion Democrat.
Doctor Anthony Chidiac was driving his motorcycle ten miles over the
speed limit last March when he was pulled over in Fort Lauderdale.
According to police records, when the doctor said he was on his way to a
delivery, the officer replied, "What are you delivering, pizza?"
I bet if the doctor would have responded, "No, I'm delivering doughnuts",
he would have been given a full blown, lights and sirens screaming escort.
The doctor delivered the baby 15 minutes after he got out of the
handcuffs and was ticketed.
The officer has agreed to a 16-day unpaid suspension rather than being
fired. A citizen board will review the case April eleventh.
Hopefully they will send this jackass back to his life's calling -
operating the fry machine at Dairy Queen.
Woman who found
finger at Wendy's files claim against franchise
I
once knew of a woman with twice her integrity who would have found the
finger and then asked, "Where's the beef?"
A woman who bit
down on a partial finger served in a bowl of chili at a Wendy's restaurant
in California said she was disgusted by the experience while her attorney
has filed a claim with the franchise owner.
Just how damn
retarded do you have to be to not notice a finger in your spoon?
Anna Ayala, 39, of
Las Vegas, was dining at the Wendy's in San Jose, Calif., on March 22 when
officials said she scooped up the inch-and-a-half long fingertip in a
mouthful of chili.
Proof positive that
Wendy's chili is finger licking good.
"Just knowing that
there was a human remain in my mouth ... it is disgusting. It is tearing me
apart inside," Ayala told ABC's "Good Morning America" on Monday.
Go have a drink and
get over it, you tramp. I'm sure you have been on plenty of dates, after
which you didn't complain about "having human remains" in your
mouth!!" SHUT UP!!!!!
The woman's
attorney, Jeffrey Janoff, said a claim has been filed with the franchise
owner, Fresno, Calif.-based JEM Management, Corp. A spokesman for the
company referred questions to Wendy's corporate headquarters in Dublin,
Ohio.
"Suddenly, I chew
something that's kind of hard, crunchy," she said. "I spit it out. At first
I wasn't sure what it was. We started investigating and poking it, (with)
other people, too. That's when we find there's something that looks like a
nail."
The fact that it
took this lady more than a split second to figure out that she was chewing
on a finger should go to show that she doesn't deserve more than the quarter
that it would cost to get the same type of treat out of a freaking gumball
machine.
Maybe she is pissed
because it was the middle finger!
China introduces new erotic kit
for 'remote sex'
China has a
new hi-tech sex invention that will allow people to enjoy the pleasure of
"distant sex." The kits contain - a computer board, headphones and a
microphone for naughty online communication.
Everything is complete with a vibrator or a vagina
(depending on user's sex) - they are connected to personal computers through
computer boards.
According to instructions, a male partner can control the vibrator of a
woman and talk to her on the microphone, whereas the female partner in her
turn is able to manipulate the vagina used by a man.
When the sensual system is connected to the computer and the online
connection is established with a partner, the screen menu offers a variety
of choices: vigorous movements or tender vibrations of a dildo, a strong or
a delicate grip of a vagina.
Or the usual
what have you done for me lately, closed tight stay out grip.
Hopefully this will cut down on China's population
explosion and Pee Wee Herman's trips to the "cinema."
It will definitely
cut down on men need to learn the art of "spooning".
Cousins spurned
by Pa. judge get married in Maryland
First cousins who
were denied a marriage license by a Pennsylvania judge earlier this month
were wed in a civil ceremony in Maryland, the couple said Monday.
I thought that only
happened in the south. Damn, yanks! Always accusing us of doing what they
are doing, but that is a whole other rant!
Eleanor Amrhein,
46, and Donald W. Andrews Sr., 39, of Logan Township petitioned the judge
March 14, three days after a court clerk refused to marry them after
learning they were first cousins. These freaks mothers are sisters. That
would just make for a wonderful Christmas dinner wouldn't it?
They hoped the
judge would grant an exception to the Pennsylvania law because they didn't
plan on having any children. Huh? Or, I guess it would be better put,
children that would have lived!
The Pennsylvanian
law, as is the law of man, was meant to prevent birth defects and other
problems caused by marriage of close relatives.
"Everybody thought
I should be ashamed of it," Amrhein said. "I am not."
Amrhein has no
children; Andrews has three to other women.
Donald became close
to Eleanor when he visited Pennsylvania for family gatherings when they were
children.
"I started coming
up here hanging out with mom's side of the family," Andrews told The Mirror
of Altoona for Tuesday's editions. "I didn't seek her out. She didn't seek
me out. But all along, there was something that clicked."
Seven years ago,
the cousins met up again and they've been together for several years now.
"You can't control
who you fall in love with," Andrews said.
Well, maybe not at
3 A.M., after you have been drinking Tequila since sun up! Which you
shouldn't be doing with your cousin! Can't control????? WHAP!!!
About half of the
states allow first cousins to marry, according to stateline.org, a research
site on state laws.
Pardon me, guys.
I'm going to go vomit. Let us just hope that his swimmers never meet her
eggs! I don't think we really need that sort of prolific explosion of the
number of mobile home parks in this country. WHAP!
Burning
house was filled with marijuana plants
An
Easter fire led police to find more than 100 pounds of marijuana, with some
plants described as the size of Christmas trees.
When
the firefighters responded to a house fire last Sunday, they discovered that
the fire was caused by a pot-growing operation. The pot plants filled the
entire house, which had been vacant for
 quite
sometime. After investigating, they ordered 5 large Supreme pizzas, a couple
of 2litre Cokes and 10 extra large bags of Cheetos. I think they also found
copies of all of Cheech and Chong's movies and a few Willie Nelson albums.
Officers arrested John Tytus, 38, who lived across the street from the
house. In his house, they found some marijuana in the toilet that they said
he had apparently tried to flush.
He was
charged with first-degree felonies of cultivation of marijuana and
trafficking in marijuana. The police also found some cocaine - but no Robert
Downey Junior crashed on the couch.
So What Rhymes With Big Mac?
McDonald's is
tempting rappers to use the name Big Mac in their lyrics, it was reported
yesterday.
The fast food
chain will offer singers up to five dollars every time their song is played
on the radio, the American magazine Advertising Age said.
It said its goal
was to have Big Macs featuring in several songs by the summer.
Obviously, they
aren't going to be asking Tupac Shakur to join this campaign - because he is
no longer able to rap, much less eat Big Macs. I don't think they will be
asking Karen Carpenter or Calista Flockhart to join either, but for other
reasons. I do hear that Michael Moore will be eating a Big Mac every time he
hears a song.
Jack Daniels has
been paying country music to do this for over 50 years. So why is this a
story?
Tuesday, 29, 2005
World's oldest monkey in
captivity dies in Aichi
I had no idea Peter
Jennings was even sick. Oh hold on....
The world's oldest
monkey in captivity has died of a heart ailment, officials from the Japan
Monkey Center said on Monday. In human terms, Buenos, a female black spider
monkey believed to be at least 52 years old, would be the equivalent of 140
to 150 years old.
Which seems like
how long Peter Jennings has been on the air.
Visiting Official Upset About
Aussie Shoe Search
Papua New Guinea's
prime minister is to complain formally to the Australian government after
airport security staff asked him to remove his shoes for a search, the
Australian Associated Press reported Tuesday.
Sir Michael Somare
was transiting through Brisbane airport on his way home to Port Moresby last
week after attending a meeting of regional leaders in New Zealand when the
incident occurred.
Somare told his
country's EM TV News Monday that security staff had asked him to remove his
shoes as he and his delegation passed through, AAP reported.
He reportedly
called them all HEELS and wished horrible things on their SOLES!
Monday, 28,2005
I thought you guys would like to
read this,
Normally I enjoy writing scathing rants about
anti-American communists from Europe but when I read
John Gibson's article on
FOXNEWS.COM I was overjoyed. I could not have put it better my self.
Although I shall try later on after Mr. Gibson's exquisite words.
Trust me ..... read
it. Click the link.
Man Tries to Steal Gun to
'Rescue Schiavo'
A man was
arrested after trying to steal a weapon from a gun shop so he could "take
some action and rescue Terri Schiavo," authorities said.
Michael W. Mitchell, of Rockford, Ill., entered Randall's Firearms Inc. in
Seminole just before 6 p.m. Thursday with a box cutter and tried to steal a
gun, said Marianne Pasha, a spokeswoman for the Pinellas County Sheriff's
Office.
Mitchell, 20, told deputies he wanted to "take some action and rescue Terri
Schiavo" after he visited the Pinellas Park hospice where she lives, Pasha
said.
Mitchell was in custody at the Pinellas County jail Friday after a judge set
his bail at a total of $120,500 for the four charges of armed robbery, grand
theft, aggravated assault with a deadly weapon and criminal mischief.
What do you
want to bet they won't deny him food!
Man, 20, fatally shoots himself by
accident in car with friends
A 20-year-old man
died when he accidentally shot himself in the head late Friday, Tucson
police said. The man's younger brother and several friends were inside the
car where the shooting occurred.
Adrian "A.J."
White-Wolff, of the 7100 block of South Craycroft Road, was taken by friends
to the Kino hospital emergency room, where he was pronounced dead at 11:07
p.m., according to a police report. Police reported that the shooting was
accidental. Officials released few details about the shooting Saturday.
White-Wolff, his
19-year-old brother, Derrick, and a few friends were on their way home from
a swap meet when he accidentally shot himself, said Doris Ann White-Wolff,
his mother. "It was a stupid accident," she said. "Derrick said A.J. thought
he was Marshall Dillon, flipping that gun around. They thought they were
having fun."
Hmmm... I wonder
what was going through his mind? Well, other than that arrant piece of hot
lead!!!
U.S. still can't solve Azteca in
qualifying loss
Prolific striker
Jared Borgetti and Antonio Naelson scored four minutes apart in the first
half, and the United States could only reply through Eddie Lewis in the
59th, the first U.S. goal in Mexico since 1984.
Mexico made up for
the Americans' superior size by out hustling the visitors on both sides of
the ball, said Mexico coach Ricardo Lavolpe.
"We were always
taking the initiative," said Lavolpe, who received a congratulatory call
from President Vicente Fox. "For 90 minutes there was only one team on the
field."
The crowd booed the
U.S. national anthem and a spattering of fans chanted "Osama! Osama!" before
play started, and shortly after Lewis' goal.
One question.
Why in the hell aren't we carpet-bombing the s**t out of those worthless
bean suckers? They are the bane of our nations
existence!
Friday, 25, 2005
Paula Abdul Charged With
Hit-And-Run
We will file this
one in our "How Ironic" section of the vast files of the Shovel library.
I must ask the
musical question.... " straight up now tell me.....oh oh oh,.... am
I caught in a hit and run...."
"American Idol" judge Paula Abdul
was charged Thursday with hit-and-run driving for allegedly fleeing after
her car clipped another vehicle on a freeway last December.
I would like to see
Simon involved in a hit and run.... as long as it involved a Mac truck and
him walking across the street.
The city attorney's office filed
the misdemeanor count, which carries a maximum sentence of six months in
jail and a $1,000 fine. A message left for Abdul's
spokeswoman wasn't immediately returned.
Authorities contend Abdul was
driving Dec. 20 on a highway about 15 miles northwest of downtown when she
changed lanes and struck another vehicle, causing minor damage. The driver and passenger snapped a
photograph with a cellular phone camera and wrote down the license plate
number of the car, which was traced to Abdul, city attorney's office
spokesman Frank Mateljan said.
She had an alibi,
but apparently it was about as legitimate as your average NBA's players
child. What a moron! This prancing proprietor of intellect told the highway patrol investigators
that her car couldn't have been involved because it was in the repair shop
that day. Well, it didn't take a detective with the I.Q. of Sherlock Holmes
to check the repair shop records and find that her car wasn't brought in
until the following day. WHAP!
HBO MOVIE SHOWS RADIO 'AIR
AMERICA' CHAOS
HBO is set to air a behind the scenes look at the launching of liberal radio
network AIR AMERICA.
I wonder if it will be closed-captioned for the hard
of thinking?
The documentary
centers around what a fraud
Evan Cohen, the founding chairman and main investor in
the failing network is.
It shows her coming into the Air America
offices in the middle of the night to sign over the company. She then lies
about how many ads have been sold and how much money is the Air America bank
account. It turns out that the balance is a big fat zero. Which is actually
a good number for liberals because they seem to have real problems counting
much higher than that. 
It shows how AIR AMERICA executives lied and
lied again about not bouncing checks to their Chicago and Los Angeles
affiliate owners. [The network was quickly thrown off the stations.
The film captures AIR AMERICA staff first learning about the Chicago and LA
nightmare by reading a DRUDGE REPORT exclusive on their computers.
There is a scene showing the phenomenally nauseating rodent, Al Franken
ranting about President Bush at a staff meeting, then seconds after he is
done he is informed that there is no
money left. I assume he was not be being all Stuart Smiley at that
moment.
The doubts. The lies. The bounced checks. The heartbreak.
The viewer is taken up-close to witness the ugly business of media ambition.
LEFT OF THE DIAL shows an angry meeting of the writing staff being told how
money was deducted from their checks to pay for health care -- but the money
was never paid to the HMO and they were never covered!
Host Janeane Garofalo looks suicidal in nearly ever scene which she appears.
I imagine
that is because the mindless little vagabond has finally figured out that
she doesn't have the mental fortitude to enter the arena of ideas! I just
wish she would figure out the concept of physical hygiene! NASTY!! Is she
French? Because she looks like she has the same bathing habits. There isn't
enough Clorox on this planet to clean her up enough for me to touch her - I
would rather spend the rest of my life with a bottle of Nivea hand cream and
the Farrah Faucet poster I got in 6th grade.
I told you guys when they started this that it would
not work. They had to pay stations to take their show, which is 180 degrees
out of phase with the way business works. WHAP!!!
David Cassidy Wants to Win
Kentucky Derby
1970s teen idol
David Cassidy thinks he has a contender for Saturday derby at Turfway Park..
"If I could win the
Kentucky Derby, there would be nothing on the face of the earth, other than
the birth of my son 14 years ago, to compare to the thrill and the high of
it," he said Tuesday by phone from Florida.
He doesn't stand a
chance. I'm betting he'll finish 3rd behind Julia Roberts and the obvious
winner Sarah Jessica Parker. Why is it that I want to jam an apple in their
mouths every time I see them?
50 CENT DISAPPOINTED HIS
BULLETPROOF CARS HAVEN'T BEEN SHOT AT
Rapper
50 CENT is disappointed nobody has tried to shoot
him while he's been out driving - because he spent $200,000 bulletproofing
two of his cars.
I don't get black rappers. I guess it is because I
am just so painfully white. I also don't understand how people with such an
astonishing lack of talent are able to get as far as they do. I guess it is
just proof positive that in our great country, with all our freedoms, anyone
can achieve anything they want.
He tells BLENDER magazine, "I have two (bulletproof
vehicles), one in New York, one in LA, and it was about 100 grand each, "I'm
actually disappointed though: Nobody's shot me. I spent a lot of money on
that s**t!"
Obviously, logic eludes this talent less freak.
There are millions of gun toting lunatics out there, so there is still hope.
Have A Great
Weekend And A Happy Easter!
See you Monday!
Thursday, 24, 2005
Alarm clock set to wake doziest of
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