Timm Has Taken His Shovel To The Beach

Hey guys! I am taking a little vacation.

Put the shovel in the sand for a few days .And do a little fishing in our deep blue seas!

To all you new visitors to the page... you can check out my past rants or the news archives to get an idea of what this page is all about. Sign up for the newsletter while you are here.  I will see you guys back here on 6/2. Thank you for coming by.

P.S.  Take a moment to remember that Memorial Day is not just something that lazy members of Congress dreamed up to give you a three day weekend in hopes of getting your vote.

Memorial Day was first observed on May 30, 1868 at Arlington National Cemetery. Flowers were placed on the graves of all the soldiers who died in the Civil War. After World War 1 we changed it to a day for us to remember all of our soldiers who had died fighting for our country.  In 1971 Congress made it a National Holiday, thus inspiring all of those who aspire to be as little as they could possibly be to go on a three day drinking binge. Or, as the Federals like to refer to it, a three day weekend.

This day is a day to take a moment to remember all of those who have died so that all Americans can have the right to do what less than half of them will take the time to do - that is.... VOTE!!

There are over 260,000 gravestones at Arlington National. Each one of them is a memorial to the individual who gave everything they had so that we might continue to go about our everyday lives without giving one seconds thought to the sacrifice that they made. Does that make you feel a little guilty? If it doesn't I have a shovel that will. Anyway, think about it while you spend the afternoon with your family. Think about it when you slurp down your 5th rum and Coke and realize that no one has walked up and blown themselves into a million pieces while standing right next to everyone that you love.

Just think about it. See you guys next week.   TIMM

Thursday, 27, 2004

What Not To Wear At Court Sex Charge

You just have to love those whacky Scottish! This Murray guy, a rugby player, was charged with sexual attacks on two women. 

One of his victims said she felt 'violated and disgusted' when a drunken Murray pawed her. The second victim said she slapped Murray after he called her a slut and he punched her, leaving her with a cracked nose and two black eyes

The guy admitted to punching her in the face, but claimed to be drunk. He also said he planned to quit drinking, saying,. 'I'm going to stop drinking. This all happened because I'd had too much to drink.'

Well, I guess he didn't stop boozing it up. Either that or he is phenomenally stupid because he showed up for the trial wearing a shirt covered in naked ladies. Sounds like he might need a little shovel adjustment. Even with that show of disrespect to the court, he only received a years probation for what he did. I guess Scotland is a lot like America in that laws don't really apply to their athletes.

British man jailed for armed pet rescue

Note to shovelers - don't come between a Brit and his pet. This Paul Lovie guy broke into an animal shelter armed with a samurai sword, an air rifle, some lighter fluid and a hammer to get his dog back. 

The shelter, run by the Royal Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals in York, was holding Lovie's Jack Russell terrier because it was ill and needed to be euthanized, and that he could not afford the bill. That obviously didn't set well with Lovie, he wanted his dog back.

Now, was he going to get the puppy and take it elsewhere for a second opinion? No, the story states that the shelter confiscated the dog after his loving owner was overheard saying he would “do it himself with a pickax.”

The owner did it in the backyard with the pickaxe.

This guy had better be glad he is in England and not here in America because those P.E.T.A freaks would have strung him up by now.

Man sues wife over ugly past

This story comes from a Pakistani paper, The Daily Times. It reports that a Chinese man divorced his wife because she gave birth to an ugly baby. The guy freaked and accused her of having an affair. She insisted that she hadn't and when he pressed her she finally admitted to having plastic surgery.

So, after confessing, she showed him a picture of how she looked before the surgery. Did he apologize for accusing her of cheating? Nope! Her turned around and sued her for £55,000 because she lied to him!!

             Could you imagine if this freak had been elected President?

It seems that all of Al's speeches turn into epileptic, tourette syndrome induced fits. The hippie rage comes out and he goes into an, "Oh God, I ate the brown acid," screaming trip. The sad thing is that he only shows this sort of anger towards his own country. Personally, since the first time I saw the guy,  I have thought that he was a Soviet spy. Anyway, if you really want to read some insane ramblings, read this speech. It is full of lies. One being...

"The President convinced a majority of the country that Saddam Hussein was responsible for attacking us on September 11th."

President Bush never said anything like that, Al. If that is your real name. He didn't say anything even remotely close to that. Al also goes on to call for the resignation of everyone that has ever spoken to President Bush. Come on Al, please just go away!

Wednesday, 26, 2004

TV could pull plug on Hub convention

Kerry has hinted that he will not actually accept the nomination at the Democratic National Convention in July, so the libs at the networks are hinting that they might not even cover the thing. They know they won't be able to sell advertisements if this clown isn't even going to give an acceptance speech and they aren't willing to eat the revenue loss it will cause. That is saying something about how weak support for Kerry is. Any success Kerry has had in the polls is because of the "anything but Bush" frenzy that the media has been able to whip up. It is a false positive and, like I have said before, it isn't going to work.

Lets look at this from the angle of why he is doing it, because I think that is the real story here. Kerry is considering not accepting the nomination so that he won't have to spend any of the $75 million in federal funds that both he and President Bush will receive. See, if Kerry accepts the nomination in July then he would have to start spending that money five weeks before President Bush who won't be accepting until September. Note - both parties choose the time and place of their conventions.

Anyway, this spending rule is part of that Campaign Finance Reform bill that was recently pushed through by Democrats. Imagine that. Is this not mind numbingly typical of the Democrats? They get the bill passed and then THE VERY FIRST election after its passage they are already looking for ways to get around it. WHAP! WHAP!!!!! WHAP!!

While urging Kerry to dump the idea, Mayor Menino <democrat> defended the concept. He said federal law should be changed so candidates begin spending general election money on the same day.

Change the law. That is their answer every single time campaign finance laws are broken. They never suggest punishing those who break the law, they just propose new laws that might prevent the lawbreakers from breaking the law next time. Shovel gripping asininity! This all started with Clinton and Gore. Gore was caught red-handed violating campaign laws over and over and over again, so instead of holding him accountable congress decide to go on a rewriting binge. They came up with a totally worthless bill that violates the freaking very FIRST AMENDMENT.  But that is another rant for another day.

Do note that Kerry never gave the slightest thought to postponing his acceptance of a purple heart.

Judge Kicked Off Bench for Drunkenness

This judge, Monty L. Doggett, has been kicked from the bench and will not be allowed to run again for at least five years. This was a unanimous ruling by the Louisiana Supreme Court who also added that he would have to be certified as eligible before he would be allowed to seek a judgeship. His is, however, immediately eligible to become a Kennedy.

According to the story this guy issued arrest warrants that he was too drunk to  read and on several occasions court had to be cancelled because he was so blasted. There was even a day when he was so blitzed that his staff  "cleared the public from the hallways outside his courtroom so he could be carried out of his office by sheriff's deputies." Oh, did I mention that was before 10 a.m.

The terrorist threat will most likely go up today. It is going to be reported that the terrorists are already here. Don't freak.
no link

Tuesday, 25, 2004

Bush to Present 'Clear Strategy' on Iraq

The networks didn't carry this speech. No bias there, huh? Think about it. All of the network anchors and reporters have been complaining that President Bush has not given us an explanation for his exit strategy in Iraq, and that he needs to step up and explain why he has done what he has done and what are we doing over there and why this and that and blah...blah... blah.

So he gives a speech to explain all of this and these clowns don't even run it. Instead they run shows like Fear Factor. A show where attention starved idiots will sit around and eat worms just so they can get their faces on TV.

This is pretty sad, but not surprising. Although I do believe that this is the first time that the networks have not carried a presidential speech during a time of war. Can you believe that? We are at war, the president wants to tell us what is going on and they don't even carry it. I wouldn't care if it were President Bill Clinton or even Michael Moore, I would like to hear what they had to say about the status of the war we, as a nation, are in. It would probably be a lie, but I would still like to hear it.

Although I would have liked to have seen more anger and fist shaking, it was a good speech and he answered most all of the questions that the liberals have been asking. Know one thing though. This speech was not actually given for or to us. It was given for the people in Iraq and all the rest of the middle east. It was given for our collation forces. It was given to the terrorist that still think that they can break our will and make us leave. President Bush said, "If they need more troops I will send them."  That wasn't to let American families know that their loved ones might be headed to Iraq. That was to let the little pockets of resistance know that he will do what it takes to see this thing through. He should have said, "If this entire country has to load up and come over there, we will!"

Pew Survey Finds Moderates, Liberals Dominate News Outlets

This story goes right along with the last on. Don't you just love surveys and studies that point out the obvious? 

There are a bunch of numbers in this survey, but when you break them all down it shows that only 7% of journalist call themselves conservative. <I assume 100% of that 7% work at Fox News.> Anyway, even with those numbers the freaks in the mainstream media still run around claiming that something needs to be done so the 93% who consider themselves liberal can have equal time with the 7% who don't. Huh? I guess math and logic aren't requirements for a degree in journalism.   

According to Pew, about 60% of the general public believes it is necessary to believe in God to be a truly moral person. The new survey finds that less than 15% of those who work at news outlets believe that.

I find it a bit strange that that question was part of the survey. I don't know what it has to do with the media and liberals. Other than to prove that they are all Godless pigs!

Moore takes top award for 'Fahrenheit 9/11'

Ok. File this report under the category of, Holy Crap I could not care less!

Michael Moore's "Fahrenheit 9/11," a documentary denouncing the presidency of George W. Bush, won the Palme d'Or  Saturday night as the best film in the Cannes Film Festival.

This is just amazing news. I mean, how in the world did he manage to get this award at the Cannes? Right... who didn't see this coming? Lets see....fat Michael's  "film" was anti-Bush and liberals run the awards and the awards are given out in FRANCE!!!!!!! Freaking France.  Hello? I'm surprised they didn't rename the award after this humongous tub of gelatinous goo. I hear he celebrated by eating a 15 pound double bacon, cheese, ham, bacon, butter, bacon burger.

VACUUM-PACKED HAMSTER'S FAT CHANCE

A hefty hamster has lived to eat again after his bulging waistline saved him from a painful death in the belly of a vacuum cleaner.

The story says that the thing wasn't killed because it was too fat to fit through the tube. I think Richard Gere's gerbils might want to take a note or two here.

"The hamster did seem a little bit fazed by it all, but he was all right."

He was given a purple heart and told to take two aspirin and run for the Senate.

Monday, 24, 2004

A lawyer was fined $8,500 for misconduct and harassment of opponents because he barked like a dog at a witness during a deposition. Hmmm...I'll bet that is the first time he has ever done that without his dominatrix pulling on his collar and making him yell, "I've been a bad little boy!"

This lawyer, David Fink, was said to have made false statements, failed to comply with court orders and engaged in frivolous conduct during a breach of contract suit. His client, a one Carl Levine, was suing a married couple, Laurette Angsten and Kit Kittle...., Who in the hell is named Kit Kittle? I think that guy should be sued for breach of not having a moronic first name. Kit? Was David Hasselhoff his dad?

Anyway, this Levine guy was suing the Kit clan because they hadn't paid him the money he said they owed him for marketing their products. During the deposition Kittle referred to some letters he had received from Fink as threatening, "mad dog lawyer" letters. So, at the continuation of the deposition the next day this Fink guy started barking like a dog when Kittle was asked about the letters. The report says,

.....Fink "behaved in a very mocking manner, making the witness feel intimidated, speaking over other people and making it difficult for the court reporter to record much of anything."

The judge ruled that Kittle didn't owe they guy a dime. I hear that Fink pooped on the floor and left the courthouse to chase some squirrels.

I think Andrew Dice Clay answered that question a long time ago. And he didn't need a study to come to his conclusion, which was -- "Who f****ng cares!" 

Sorry, ladies, but that one was just too easy. Save your emails... or, don't -- they will probably be pretty funny!

This study was done in Germany so I would think that the woman might be thinking about whether or not she needed to trim her mustache before company showed up. But, it turns out that the women are thinking about their wardrobe and tax receipts. That is odd. Are German guys really that bad in bed? I don't know or care, but I bet if you asked  John Kerry he would say, "I served in Vietnam." 

Come on! If you don't at least halfway grasp why there are differences between a man and a woman then it doesn't surprise me that she might be thinking about her taxes while you roll around on her. I'm sure she finds the experiences to be very similar. Either way she is getting screwed and not enjoying it.  Not to mention the fact that John Kerry served in Vietnam.

I hope the constituents learn from this and toss Roybal-Allard out of office next election. She just forced this company to change their ad and then called it "self-regulation." Consent by forced coercion...How about that? Wouldn't the King be smiling? White knuckle grip!!

Friday, 21, 2004

Families Heckle Giuliani at 9/11 Hearing

Outraged relatives of World Trade Center victims heckled former Mayor Rudolph Giuliani on Wednesday as their hopes that he would be grilled by the Sept. 11 commission faded in the face of gentle questioning and effusive praise from panel members.

"My son was murdered because of your incompetence!" shouted Sally Regenhard, whose firefighter son died in the trade center.

That is enough of this article!!! I fully realize that these people are less than a minuscule minority of the people who lost loved ones on 9/11, but I have flat out had it with these 9/11 families!! HAD IT! I am sorry for their loss, but if they aren't going to shut up then they need to give back the two million dollars that we gave to each of them and then turn around and take their cases to court! What a bunch of money grubbing pigs!

Here is a simple truth, you guys. We gave them that money to prevent this sort of stuff from happening. And I do mean WE, because every penny that the government gave those people was taken from us by force. The money each of these families received was, in essence, nothing more than hush money! "Here is some free cash, shut up and go away."

See, if these people hadn't been paid off, the trial lawyers would have snatched them up and sued the airline companies until going out of business was the least of their worries. These people would have destroyed the economy, but more than that - air travel as we know it would exist no more.

The government realized this and that is why they gave them the money. Most of the 9/11 families took it and went on about their lives, but the greedy ones are not going to let go of the cash cow. Sickening!

What a bunch of ungrateful ingrates! I want you to think about it for a second. We all gave out of our own pockets after that day - in all kinds of ways. A donation mailed in here, spare change dropped in a fireman's boot there, millions of items purchased and donated to the collection spots all across our country, not to mention all the people who lined up to give the very essence of their lives. BLOOD! And on top of all that outpour of selfless giving, the government came along and took even more. That still isn't enough for these freaks. If you have been looking for a reason to beat someone to death with a shovel - which you should be - this is it.

None of these families deserved one DAMN DIME! This is going to sound crass and hateful, but .... well, never mind, let me put it another way. Sure this was a tragedy. This was a tragedy unlike anything that we have ever seen before. But do we really owe the victims families an average of 2 million dollars? Not only NO... but HELL NO!!!!!!!!!

The bottom line is that there are hundreds of families all across our great nation who are torn apart by the tragedy of an unexpected death every single day of the year. I know that comparison might not be fair to the 9/11 families, but you get my point. On second thought... maybe it is. Actually, I am going to stop here before this turns into a full blown rant. Or has it already?

One last thing.... "My son was murdered because of your incompetence!"

You make me want to vomit lady. You aren't worth the business end of my shovel. Your son died because terrorist attacked our country, not because of anything Ruddy Giuliani did. Can you get that through your skull? Shovel, oh shovel, these blame America first people unnerve me so much that I want to rob a methadone clinic!

This ladies son, like all the others in his line, died a hero. Stop disgracing his memory and start respecting it like the rest of us do. Salute.

Lawnmower driver charged with DUI

Something about that headline just makes me want put on a Lynyrd Skynyrd record and go 'Leaving Las Vegas' on a gallon jug of bourbon. 

This guy was pulled over for driving his mower all over the streets in his neighborhood. It turns out that he was drunk, and to add to it, his license had been revoked due to two previous DUI's. (in an automobile)  He was shouting obscenities and driving all over the road when the cops arrived.

"He kept driving for a few moments. One of the officers then walked up to the mower (and) turned off the ignition," said Lt. David Fellows.

The man had his 1-year old daughter in his lap also. Someone get Jeff Foxworthy on the phone, there is a skit here with his name all over it.

More Iraqi prisoner stuff is on the way.

Thursday, 20, 2004

Crunch 'n Munch replaces Cracker Jack at Yankee Stadium

Tradition, sports and George Steinbrenner are going to hell. It seems that Crunch 'n Munch will be replacing Cracker Jacks at Yankee Stadium. They are claiming that the change is being made because Cracker Jacks lost in a taste test. I say follow the money. But then again, we are talking about Yankees and taste, so this shouldn't come as a surprise.
"Baseball historians would say Cracker Jack and the Yankees belong together," Charles Nicolas, a spokesman for Cracker Jack's parent company, Frito Lay, told the Times, "and hopefully they'll be together again soon."

To tell you the truth, baseball bores me to death and I don't really care to watch it, but if those yanks change the "take me out" song I am going to carpet shovel that stadium. "Buy me some peanuts and crunch and munch, I don't care if you can't eat after I bust your skull into a bloody pulp!"

Virtual Devils Curse Internet Church

I don't find it surprising but I didn't know that there was such a thing as an Internet church. I also don't find it surprising that the website.... errr... excuse me, church is being hacked by geeks with too much time on their hands. I mean, come on - much like Amber Lynn - these guys should have seen that coming.

This virtual place of worship, named the "Church of Fools", <huh? what is up with that name?> allows Christians to create an interactive 3D animated character who they could make kneel and sing hymns or any other thing one could do in church. And you know it.... there is a virtual collection plate where they can give money. The site is a little more than a week old and the hackers are already screwing with them. Some log in a Satan and start cursing during sermons.

"We have had problems from a small number of worshippers, which happens in any Internet chat room, and we are bothered about individual harassment, which we are taking seriously," said the site's deputy editor, Stephen Goddard.

The "Church"  is sponsored by the Methodist Church. Agghhhh... those whacky Methodist. They are always up to something. They are taking new steps to try and smite the heathens who are hacking into the site. One thing they did was remove a "shout" function where anyone could speak to the whole "congregation." People were using it to shout: "Satan loves you."

Sorry, I'm not laughing. Ok, yes I am.

Sex during old age is not a myth

One of these myths is that which denies sexual activity to those over 70. There are a number of ideas surrounding sex and older people......

Ok. Enough. I was going to report on this, but I just decided not to. It may not be a myth but it is something that none of us care to see, or hear about, or think about!

Billy Joel Signs Book Publishing Deal

Billy Joel has just signed on to write two children's books. They are going to be published by Scholastic. Those are the people who published the Harry Potter novels. The first book will be based on a song of his,  "Goodnight My Angel", which he wrote for his daughter. 

I think the reassurance his daughter might be seeking would come in the form of  airbags and crumple zones. I don't know how much credence can be put into the rumors that the second book will be titled, "The little car that could, until I slammed it into the the living room of a complete stranger."

Wednesday, 19, 2004

Man Arrested After Hotel Room Is Coated In Vaseline

Who among us hasn't trashed a hotel room? Well, this guy in Virginia took it up a notch. He is accused of smearing Vaseline over the entire room. I mean everything! The mattresses, the bedding, the freaking TV and the furniture. He even slathered down the carpet and the towels. The story doesn't state whether or not he was expecting guest, like ... say... Richard Gere and a cage full of gerbils.

But -- anyway, the cleaning crew discovered this when they were coming in to clean the room. They called the police who found 14 empty Vaseline containers. I wonder if he bought all 14 at one time? And if so, why didn't the clerk at the store alert the authorities about the purchase? There is no reason for anyone to buy 14 jars of Vaseline at one time. Not even a Catholic priest.

They also found a bunch of porno magazines in the room's trash can. That fact isn't really news. Is it?

Damage to the motel room and its contents was estimated at over $1,000. Sheriff's deputy found the man a short time later at another motel. The deputy said the man was "smeared from head to foot with Vaseline."

That brings to mind fond memories of Burt Reynolds' character in Strip Tease.

France says 35-hour week is failing

These dolts aren't very different from the Democrats here in the U.S. Whap!!

H.S. Student Hospitalized After Drinking Lab Chemical On A Dare

On a dare, a high school student in Texas drank a chemical from one of the schools labs. He was later found in a hallway, bleeding from the nose and mouth. hmmmm... He must have drank the same stuff that Whitney Houston drinks every few months. He was in critical condition for a while but has now been moved up to satisfactory.

The student drank the unidentified chemical on a two-dollar bet at the school, said Nancy Smith, a supervisor.

What happened to the good old days when you could eat a bug on a 25 cent dare? 

Oh yes.. sexy chocolate

If this is true it might be all over for us guys. A sex expert is claiming that a new chocolate bar which will help men and women orgasm is on the way. Men could care less about the chocolate, but if it is true for women we are screwed. I'd suggest investing in latex and plastics and seeing if you could work some kind of angle with Vaseline boy from the previous story. I don't know how much I put into this though because ......

She also claimed that robotic prostitutes are set to be developed — and predicted under-the-skin microchips which tell if someone has been unfaithful. They could record bodily temperature changes, revealing whether partners had been steamy with someone else.

Hmmm... odd. She also added...

“The orgasm from chocolate should be as good as a real one."

If this is true we are going to have nothing but fat chicks on this planet and they will want nothing to do with us. And, we won't anything to do with them because they are FAT!

I wonder if this miracle chocolate will come with nuts?

Tuesday, 18, 2004

Want a baby? Have sex!

This is unbelievable. This story is about a German couple who went to a fertility clinic because they hadn't been able to conceive a child during their eight years of marriage. Why? Well, they didn't know what sex was.

"We are not talking retarded people here, but a couple who were brought up in a religious environment who were simply unaware, after eight years of marriage, of the physical requirements necessary to procreate."

Just damn!

Veteran Navratilova to play singles at Roland Garros

Martina Navratilova is going to play in a singles Grand Slam event for the first time in 10 years. It will be at the French Open later this month..

“The request came from her, to celebrate the 20th anniversary of her last victory and 10 years after her last appearance,” French Open sports director Stephane Simian told Reuters. 

All I have to say is that Billy Jean King could lick her.

           Man... could this guy get any larger? Holy crap!

Monday, 17, 2004

U.S. athletes told to cool it at Olympics

This is absolutely insane!! We actually have people on the U.S. Olympic committee telling American athletes not to wave the United States flag during their medal celebrations at this summer's Olympic Games in Athens. They say that it might harm our already-battered public image. Does killing bad guys and freeing oppressed people and feeding half of the freaking planet actually leave a battered public image? I mean other than in the liberal mind.

     ...but U.S. Olympic officials have ordered their 550-strong team to exercise restraint and avoid any jingoistic behavior.

Jingoistic behavior??!!!!! GRIP! This idiot reporter just compared waving OLD GLORY in celebration of winning the 50 yard dash to waving around a sign reading, "bomb the ever living hell out of Iraq!" What an idiot! I guess he would like to see us apologize for every victory, too. Oh man, I hate the media.

The plan is part of a charm offensive aimed at repairing the country's international reputation after the deepening crisis in Iraq and damaging revelations of the mistreatment of Iraqi prisoners by U.S. forces at the Abu Ghraib prison.

There is the Iraqi prisoners reference once again. Something is up. They just will not let it go. You know, they actually believe that if they hammer it enough they will be able to hurt President Bush. That is the only reason that you are still hearing about this.

"Regardless of whether there is anti-American sentiment in Athens or not, the world watches Americans a lot now in terms of how they behave and our culture. What I am trying to do with the athletes and coaches is to suggest to them that they consider how the normal things they do at an event, including the Olympics, might be viewed as confrontational or insulting or cause embarrassment."

Insulting or an embarrassment? Screw you! How did this nancy boy even get hired?  Hell, why don't we just throw most of the events? Why even keep score for that matter? God Almighty! This whole thing about not wanting to anger or upset anybody is about to make me climb a tower with an automatic shovel. I say that France shouldn't be able to bring their flag to any of the events. Win or lose. Instead they should be forced to run around with a huge white flag. They wave it more than their national flag anyway.

Actually, I could care less about the Olympics. I might watch if they were played with automatic weapons. But, I will tell you one thing - I will wave my flag. I will go facial on you with it!





 

Canada May Face Worst Drought in Years

They are predicting that British Columbia will have dry weather for the third summer in a row, which will be the worst drought since the Great Depression.

"We're in such a drought situation that even if we did get torrential downpours for the next few weeks, it wouldn't matter," provincial fire information officer Nancy Argyle said Wednesday, "and the forecast is for the opposite of that."

And this is a bad thing, why? I think it has nothing to do with weather patterns and everything to do with them being French.

In typical liberal fashion, tippler Ted Kennedy completely avoided a question in a recent interview.

Hello? Whiskey boy. Put down the 48 ounce tumbler of scotch.

This sot was just read a direct quote of his own words and his response is to claim that his words - his own freaking words! - were part of a Republican attack machine and he rejects them. What the...? How is that? Is he claiming that he was hypnotized and that the Republicans put words in his mouth or something? What a load.

Of course O'Brian let that comment slide, so I guess we are now supposed to assume that quoting a Democrat is the same thing as attacking them. That should make for some mindless debates, huh?

Man Hurls Phones, Causes $2K Store Damage

Personally, I think this was just this guys way of asking, Can you hear me now???????

What do you want to bet that mom has to take her top off to count to twelve?

Intrigue surrounds Conan Doyle's papers

Friday, 14, 2004

Immigrant Remarks By Ehrlich Still Burn

I love this story. This Governor - Robert Ehrlich Jr. - got a little irate when he encountered a Mc Donald's employee who couldn't speak English. He let his feelings be known and stomped out of the restaurant saying that he would never eat at Mc Donald's again. Word of the incident got out and he was invited onto a local talk radio show. During the interview he said:

"I reject the idea of multiculturalism. Once you get into this multicultural crap, this bunk, you run into a problem. With respect to this culture, English is the language."

Well, as you can imagine this caused all the Democrats in that county to begin wetting themselves like an octogenarian with a severe incontinence issue. They even went as far as to pass a freaking resolution condemning his comments. Wasn't that just grand of those spoiled little immature brats with titles? On top of that they also suggested that he.... you guessed it... apologize. That seems to have become the word of the year for Democrats, or politicians in general.

I say, SPEAK IT, MY MAN! It is about time that a politician stood up and called this obsession with multiculturalism exactly what it is. CRAP!!

When a group of reporters confronted him in the State House foyer and demanded that he explain his comments, he didn't back down.

"The words stand on their own," Ehrlich (R) replied. "It's a common culture, and the last message we want to send out is for people to separate themselves. We should celebrate the common American culture, the common American values and the common American language. I think that's common sense."

The typical response by callers to the radio show was that they were glad to hear a politician speaking the truth. Amen, brother. Is it too much to ask that people just learn the language? That seems to me to be a miniscule penance to pay for all the freedoms you are afforded by living in the greatest nation on this planet!

LEASH GAL'S SEX PIX

Seems we have a new angle to the Lynndie England story. I know you have all seen the pictures of her since her pictures are the most widely published ones from this liberal press, politically driven, prisoner torture scandal. She was the chick standing there with the cigarette in her mouth pointing like she had a gun.

She was claiming that she only did it because she was told to do so by "persons in higher command." She also said that it was part of torturing the prisoners in order to get them to talk. Well, the revelation of a few new pictures and movies put a little kink in that story. 

"She was having sex with numerous partners. It appeared to be consensual," said a lawmaker who saw the photos.

A couple of things here. First off, when I saw those first pictures of her I immediately thought full bull lesbian. I guess I was wrong there. Secondly, and I think this is a very salient point. She said they were torturing the prisoners. Follow me here. She was getting gangbanged while the naked prisoners were forced to watch and masturbate. This was all done "in an attempt to get the prisoners to talk." Ok. I'm not buying it for a second. Why? Let us just think about it.

I'm a prisoner in a blazing hot desert. My living conditions really suck and I am basically miserable and I'm not allowed to do anything other than stare at the wall or a bright light. Ok? My captors want me to talk. I refuse so they strip me naked and tell me that they are going to make me masturbate and watch a gangbang until I do. Well, all I have to say is - I hope that girl is up for a marathon because I've got nothing better to do. I'm not saying a word. At least not until I have developed a debilitating case of carpal tunnel syndrome in both wrist.

Cantwell's jobless bill fails by 1 vote

The Republicans just barely, and I mean barely, defeated it by a 59-40 vote. It only required 60 votes to pass. Let us do the math here. 59 + 40 = 99. There are 100 Senators. That means one Senator had other more important things to do than show up to vote on this. Would any of you care to take a swing as to who that ONE Senator was? You got it. John, the condiment king, Kerry. He hasn't commented on why he missed the vote, but he did state that he served in Vietnam. Don't you just want this guy running our country? WHAP! 

Stolen Kisses Send Trucker to Jail

This 41-year-old guy named Thomas Houser hooked his cab up to a trailer loaded down with 41,000 pounds of Hershey's Kisses and took off. That is 2,550 cases of kisses. Richard Dawson must have been furiously jealous. 

He made up a fake invoice and sold them to an unsuspecting merchant for $30,000. The actual value was around $113,000.

The man stated that he had been under some financial hardships. I say he was probably trying to placate a PMS'ing wife..

Thursday, 12, 2004

Boston Globe publishes bogus GI rape pictures

Wednesday morning the Globe posted graphic photos depicting U.S. troops gang-raping Iraqi women. The photos were fake. They were copied from a pornographic website and forwarded around by propagandist.

They ended up being part of an article about a Boston city councilor named Chuck Turner, who had distributed them Monday at a press conference. Turner is a Democrat. How do I know that? I know it because it was never mentioned in the article. If he were a Republican, that fact would have been part of the headline. The press will always ignore the Democrat party affiliation if the representative has done something wrong. Always. Anyway, Turner was accompanied at this conference by activist Sadiki Kambon.

Something stinks here, guys. We aren't done with this yet and I think some Democrats just might  ... shall we say, beat themselves with a shovel before this is all over.

'Superstar' Producers Lied to Studio Audience

I hate "reality TV"! To be honest, some nights I think reality TV poses a greater threat to our nation than all the middle east terrorist combined! The WB network has a new show debuting Monday called Superstar USA. Oh joy of all joys!! The premise of the show is to reward the worst singers instead of the best. The anti-American Idol if you will.

Well, it seems that one of the producers feared that people would laugh and boo so before the filming started he told the audience that the contestants were terminally ill patients from the Make-A-Wish Foundation. Obviously this guy isn't the fastest chip on the motherboard.

"One of the producers ad-libbed something to the audience - who had been paid to be there - that may have offended someone in the audience, and for that we sincerely apologize," the production company said in a statement. "The remark is not in the show and was never intended to be in the show."

You just know the show sucks if they are afraid that people would rather walk out than get paid to sit through it. Anyway, the "joke" or big finale of the show will be to tell the contestant that they won because they sucked the most.

If you want a reality show based on the premise of who sucks the most I would suggest you do one about the nightly news on the three major networks. That thing would go right down to the wire. Nail biter!

Tampa Bay Lightning Offers Free Beer To Season Ticket Buyers

I know, your taste buds started dancing and your liver dialed 911 when you read that headline, but it turns out that it is a bit a misleading. This happened during the the first Eastern Conference playoff game and the free beer was only for that game. The deal was you could drink unlimited free beer at the game that night if you put down 100 bucks towards 2004-05 season ticket.

Only 25 out of the 21,000 people in attendance signed up for the season ticket deal. I think over half of those 25 were Kennedy's. Anyway, a bunch of local police and area chapters of Mothers Against Drunk Driving got their panties in a wad and yelled that it was irresponsible. 

"It seems we take one step forward and they took two steps back. It's advertising irresponsible behavior. It's a huge insult to our community," said Becky Gage, the victim services director for the Hillsborough County chapter of MADD.

They said this even though there were safe guards in place. The arena would stop serving anyone who was overly intoxicated. They also, and I love this one, offered free taxi rides to people who believed that they'd had too much to drink. If you are smashed the taxi ride alone is worth a hundred bucks and I will bet you that that is how those 25 looked at it. $100 for all the beer you can drink and a free ride home? Hello? Who do I give my money to?

I was too pissed off to comment on the slaying of Nick Berg yesterday. I thought I might be over that today, but then I ran across a comment...

"On March 19th, 2004, President Bush asked, "Who would prefer that Saddam's torture chambers still be open?" Shamefully we now learn that Saddam's torture chambers reopened under new management, U.S. management. President Bush has presided over America's deepest and deepest fall from grace in the history of our country and the tragedy unfolding in Iraq is the direct result of a colossal failure of leadership."

That wasn't some towel-headed freak from the big sandbox who said that. No. It was the fat worthless sot we all call Ted Kennedy. That fat bastard just compared President Bush to Saddam Hussein. Can you believe that? You won't see this lard ass speaking to the troops anytime soon. My God, I bet his head would pop 10 times as sweetly as one of Gallager's watermelons! Why hasn't someone gone ballistics on this guys dome with a shovel? The left are loosing their minds and need to be dealt with as such.

It seems to me that the press is living for apologizes now a days. Will they demand one from him for making such an outrageous statement? Doubt it. But remember, they aren't biased in any way. GRIP! I bet that you will not even hear about these insane remarks.

 

Wednesday, 12, 2004

Angry Man's Web Site Nabs Traffic Death Suspect

This is cool. A guy named Rolando Pozo started a web site when the guy who was charged with killing his brother-in-law didn't show up for his trial date.

The perpetrator, Carlos Giddings was speeding when he slammed into Pozo's brother-in-laws motorcycle, killing him.  But Giddings didn't show up for court so Pozo started the site and before long he received an email telling him where the guy could be found. A few hours later Giddings was in cuffs.

"I never thought it would lead to an arrest," said Pozo, 34. "For me, I was kind of going through the motions with the Web site. Because I just had to do something, you know?"

The cops went to get the guy, who faces vehicular homicide charges, and when they got to the house the adults at the house said they knew nothing about Giddings. The cops tried a different angle.

"Then the trooper saw a small child inside, and he asked where Carlos was," Coggins said. "Kids don't lie. He pointed down the hall, and sure enough Carlos was trying to go out a window. But we caught him."

There is no good news anywhere for the John F***ing Kerry campaign. Is this guy going to make it through the Democratic Convention? There are some new poll results out and they show that, no matter how you cut it, President Bush has a strong hold on the lead. Note, these polls were taken after the prisoner "torture" farce broke. Thus proving that the "story" is nothing more than pure partisan politics.

When polled on nothing other than just President Bush vs. Kerry - President Bush leads 47% to 44%. If the American people were as freaked out over the scandal as the press is portraying it those numbers should be opposite. Or, actually worse.

Lastly, and this is very important. 68% of President Bush's supporters say they support him strongly which means that they are behind him and they will actually be voting for HIM. With Kerry, only 38% his supporters say that they are behind him. That proves what I have said before about this guy having no support. Most of the people who will vote for Kerry don't actually want him as president. They are just voting against President Bush. Have you noticed the "Anyone but Bush" stickers that are popping up? Kerry is not going to win off of a negative vote. Americans just don't operate that way. 

Clinton Gives 900-Page Memoir to Editors

Well, well, it seems that old Willy Boy has finished his memoirs and submitted the completed manuscript to editors. It is said to be an estimated 900 pages. I'm assuming that is a very rough estimate and will be adjusted after they figure out just how many of the pages are stuck together. It is going to be called "My Life."

"The former president received a reported $10 million to $12 million advance, and the book has a first print run of 1.5 million copies."

The tome is due out in June. That will be just in time to suck the air out of the Democratic National Convention.

Oregon State Bar opening an investigation into Goldschmidt

I'm only going to include one excerpt form this article because it is so tedious that it would give you bleeding ulcers. This Neil Goldschmidt clown recently admitted to having a sexual relationship with a 14 year old when he was Mayor of Portland in the 1970's. He was in his mid thirties a t the time. 

The statute has ran out so this pedophile can't be charged. That is disturbing enough, but one other thing about this story caught my eye. The story points out this guys political career, but they leave out one little fact.

He was mayor of Portland from 1973-79, U.S. transportation secretary ....and Oregon's governor from 1987-91.

What is missing here? Well, there are16 paragraphs in this story, but not once is his party affiliation mentioned. NOT ONCE! I wonder why that is? I don't have to tell you, do I? This guy is a Democrat. I found that out by searching Yahoo. This just proves the bias of the media.

If the guy had been a Republican, the headline would have been something like, "Oregon State Bar opening an investigation into Republican Goldschmidt" and every time his name was mentioned it would have been preceded with "Republican"  

                      See if you can find this in the mainstream media.

Grip and swing! Anyway, from Good news to Bad.....

I don't know if you have seen the video of the decapitation or if you even want to. But here is the link. Just why we haven't we turned that part of the planet into a huge sheet of glass is beyond me.

Tuesday, 11, 2004

Jobs jubilation

I'm not going to go into a big rant here because I have been telling you about the good economic news for a while now. I'm just including this to give you a few more facts because I know the mainstream media won't. As a matter of fact, not only will they not report it, but they will also allow the Democrats to continue to talk the economy/employment situation down. They will never call them on what they say. Ever. Ted Kennedy could step in front of a TV camera tomorrow and claim that the unemployment rate was at 45% and the media would run with it. They might add a caveat that Ted's claims had yet to be confirmed, but they would still run it. WHAP! Anyway, here are some numbers.

Friday's employment report confirms the economic expansion is accelerating. Creation of 288,000 payroll jobs in April almost doubled the consensus forecast of 150,000. Coming on top of the 337,000 new jobs created in March (revised up from 308,000), the economy has now created 625,000 jobs in just two months. This is a very impressive performance after months of disappointments.

• Initial claims for unemployment insurance have dropped steadily and are now the lowest level since October 2000. The insured jobless rate has fallen to 2.3 percent, the lowest since the end of the recession in November 2001.

•  The Institute for Supply Management, an industry group, has seen its manufacturing employment index jump to the highest level in 15 years, signaling growth in manufacturing employment of 50,000 per month. With goods-producing employment having risen 124,000 in just the last two months, this forecast looks very good.

•  The ISM's index of capacity utilization is up to 85.6 percent -- well above the Federal Reserve's figure of 74.6 percent. If the ISM index is more accurate, which it may be, we should soon see a burst of corporate investment as businesses scramble to add new capacity.

• The Congressional Budget Office reports profits rising so fast corporate income tax revenues are 45 percent above this time last year. It also reports higher payroll tax revenues consistent with expanding employment. Overall, the economic picture has brightened so much CBO now sees $30 billion to $40 billion more in federal revenue than earlier anticipated.

Oral sex lessons to cut rates of teenage pregnancy

That is the real headline. Can you believe this? It seems that those who are in charge of England's schools want to encourage schoolchildren to experiment with oral sex. They think this could prove to be the most effective way of curbing teenage pregnancy rates! 

We have all, at one point, sat back and longed to be back in school when life was so much simpler. But hey! You toss in this knew addition to sex Ed and I'm saying not only would most guys long for it, but they would pay good money to go back!

This is so inane! Can you believe they actually found it necessary to do a study to come to this conclusion? I don't want to get too graphic here, so I will just say, "NO DUH!!!!" You don't need a study to tell you that after the "oral sex" the guy isn't going to be interested in full intercourse. It is common knowledge that he will just be smiling and wanting to grab a moon pie and a nap.

This "revelation" could mean an end to the pill. That is if guys have anything to say about it.

German men prefer a flashy car over a sexy lady

It seems that a new survey has shown that 86% of the dudes in Germany would rather spend a weekend with their hands on a hotrod Ferrari than with a sexy female celebrity. That struck me as a bit odd until I read who the sexy celebrity in the survey was. Pamela FREAKING Anderson! 

The fact that most guys would rather spend time with a car than her isn't news. What a howling skank! Frankly, I would rather spend my weekends with my hands on a SARS laden Asian hooker.

The survey also reported that..... ...only 25 per cent of respondents chose Britney Spears over a Lamborghini Gallardo.

I'm not really sure what is up with that number. I think there is a deeper rooted problem over there in Germany. Might it be because most German guys are jaded due to the fact that they are used to dealing with German women, who are usually hairy and not attractive? Just a guess.

Just a thought... how long will it be before we see a reality show of a sex change?

Monday, 10, 2004

Fox Threatens to Sue Co. Over Billboard

This is pretty funny. Fox News is swinging a shovel around and threatening to take this Atlanta sign company to court if they don't post a message on a billboard that takes a shot at the propaganda machine called CNN, which was created by a communist marrying, snot slinging drunk, that we all affectionately refer to as Ted. Who just happened to get his start in billboards. WHAP!

What is wrong with that? I guess the left wing is trying to monopolize the billboard industry too. The truth just hurts, Americans are getting fed up with the slant. The liberals have lost their monopoly on news coverage and it shows. According to Nielsen ratings Fox averages around 1.46 million viewers during primetime, while CNN only draws about 909,000. MSNBC? 290,000. What a joke! The MS should be BS.

Carb culture affects stock prices

I'm telling you, this low carb craze is affecting peoples minds. It is going to be a so called legitimate affliction before you know it. My shovel, I hate the term "so called!" Anyway,  Krispy Kreme, American Italian Pasta Company and Interstate Bakeries all had losses while meat and poultry producers Tyson and Smithfield have hit record highs in the past few weeks.

It seems that everyone has gone Wendy's and is running around yelling, "Where's the beef?"

The price of eggs and milk is on the rise while other companies can't seem to give bread away.

Krispy Kreme Friday warned that profits would be lower and blamed changing eating habits for reducing its fiscal 2005 forecast by 10 percent. The company also plans to sell or close Montana Mills Bread Company after buying it last year, along with six of its less profitable stores. Shares of Krispy Kreme plummeted 29 percent to close at $22.51 Friday.

You know what is coming, don't you? Sausage filled doughnuts! "Give me 6 hot Italian sausage stuffed doughnuts and 6 doughnuts with the diced pork loin glaze."

Policeman arrested driving in fishnet tights

This wonderful story comes to us from France. Personally, I think everyone in France should be arrested simply for violating the laws of nature and common sense and just for being *ssholes!.

This freak was a French policeman. What does a French policeman do actually? Wander around in hopes that perpetrators will surrender? Can't you just see a French cop asking you to put your hands behind your back and you tell him to screw off, so he immediately cuffs himself and kneels at your feet?

Well, this off duty French police-androgyny was pulled over only to find out that he was drunk. I like my French men bombed, but more in that laser guided missile kind of way. Also, he was wearing nothing but a pair of fishnet tights. That is a visual we could all do without, huh?

The man admitted he was a part-time prostitute after fellow police chased him through the Bois de Boulogne, a wooded area on the outskirts of Paris reputed as a nighttime hangout of transsexual prostitutes, in the early hours of Thursday. The policeman said he needed the extra income. If convicted, he could lose his driver's license and be fined. Prosecutors said on Friday there was not enough evidence to try him for passive soliciting, which is punishable by prison in France.

Just how bad could prison be in France? I'm sure all they do is just sit around sipping tea and sharing little anecdotes about their grotesquely over pampered poodles. <by the way, poodles aren't actual dogs.> Do you think they have showers in French prisons? Wouldn't it be pointless sense they don't bathe anyway? Or maybe actually using soap is punishment to them. The French suck!

Woman Survives Fall From Parking Garage

A shortcut through a downtown Orlando parking garage could have cost a local woman her life. A 2½-foot gap sits between two parking garages and the woman came up on the wrong side, WESH NewsChannel 2 reported. She spotter her car in the other lot and decided to take a shortcut and jump across. The jumper fell six stories before hitting the concrete. She's alive and should recover from her injuries.

One word here. WOMEN! Well, two, STUPID!

Party Set for Andy Kaufman, Just in Case

Andy Kaufman died of lung cancer on May 16, 1984, but according to legend, the eccentric comedian said if he were faking, he'd resurface 20 years later to the day.

So, Kaufman's best friend has planned a party at the House of Blues in Los Angeles on May 16. He took out over 100 personal ads all across this country and overseas. There are even VIP tickets available so you can be right there if Andy shows up.

Sing it with me STYX style..... I've got too much time on my hands.... too much time on my hands!

Friday, 07, 2004

Bush pauses to comfort teen

This is just a feel good story to toss in amongst all the negative stuff that is surrounding President Bush right now. He didn't do this for a chance at a headline which is just as well because the press isn't going to report it anyway.

In a moment largely unnoticed by the throngs of people in Lebanon waiting for autographs from the president of the United States, George W. Bush stopped to hold a teenager's head close to his heart.

When asked about the event with President Bush, her father admitted that he was pretty cynical and jaded at this point in his life. But stated emphatically, ".. this was the real deal. I was really impressed. It was genuine and from the heart."

McDonald's Corp. Stock Slips on CEO News

McDonald's Corp. stock slipped Thursday, a day after the company's announcement that new chief executive Charlie Bell had undergone surgery for colorectal cancer.Shares fell 35 cents, or about 1.2 percent, to $27.46 in early trading on the New York Stock Exchange.

McDonald's, still recovering from the April 19 death of Bell's predecessor, Jim Cantalupo, had no further comment beyond its statement late Wednesday that Bell underwent successful surgery earlier in the day. It said in that announcement that his recovery is expected to be brief, but did not elaborate.

This guy might recover but Mc Donald's won't until they drop that stupid "I'm loving it" ad campaign. Those commercials are so phenomenally annoying it makes my hair hurt!

Jobless Claims Hit 2000 Low