Voted website of the month - March 2004 |
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U.S. military
develops tiny sensors disguised as rocks The U.S. military is developing miniature electronic sensors disguised as rocks.
These disguised sensors can be dropped from the air and be used to help detect the sound of approaching enemy scumbags!
I won't guarantee it but I think France just surrendered. AGAIN!
Fire Allegedly Set to Get Guests to Leave
A 46-year-old man allegedly set his own home on fire in order to get two visitors to leave, police said.
Dean Craig was char
Allegedly the guy had asked a couple of people to leave and when they refused he lit the house up. Obviously he wasn't channeling Einstein at the time. Smokey the Bear called him an A-hole.
Me... if I want to empty my house, I denude myself and run around with a shovel!! Works every time. Well, unless Richard Simmons is visiting.... he finds that exciting and runs to the microwave to make some popcorn.
Monday, 30, 2005
HAPPY MEMORIAL DAY!!
Memorial Day was originally called Decoration Day. It was started as a day for us to remember all of those who have died in service to our country. It is sad that most Americans view it as nothing more than a day off to eat hamburgers and slap back beers. <but that is another rant>
There are many stories about the beginning of this day - one of which includes a women's group in the South who spontaneously got together in 1860 to decorate graves before the end of the Civil War.
Memorial Day was officially proclaimed on the 5th of May in 1868 by General John Logan and was first observed on May the 30th in 1868, when flowers were placed on the graves of Union and Confederate soldiers at Arlington National Cemetery.
The first state to officially recognize the holiday was New York in 1873. By 1890 it was recognized by all of the northern states.
The southern states refused to acknowledge the day until after World War I. That was when the holiday went from honoring just those who died fighting in the Civil War to honoring all Americans who died fighting in any war.
And that is how it should be.
HONOR TO ALL THAT HAVE MADE THE ULTIMATE SACRIFICE!
I salute! Wave your shovel!
I hope you guys have a great Memorial Day. To all the vets --- my salute and thank you!
Thursday, 26,2005
NY cop to suspect: Gotcha, it's
your picture, stupid!
A suspect in two taxicab robberies walked into a New York police station and failed to notice his picture in a "wanted" photo on the wall, giving cops an opportunity to make one of their easiest busts ever.
"You look at the photo, and it's not that glaring that it is him," said Det. Sgt. Norman Horowitz of the New York Police Department. But an alert detective noticed the resemblance and police arrested Awiey "Chucky" Hernandez, 20.
This idiot went to the police station to inquire about posting bail for some freak named Huquan "Guns" Gavin, who had been arrested for a different robbery investigation. Hello??? I think Forrest Gump said it best when he said, "Stupid is as stupid does."
Huquan "Guns" Gavin??? Can I get the nickname -- Timm "Shovels" Propes??? hahaha WHAP!!!!!!!!!!
Repeat Graffiti Attack Angers Family They didn't need to read the words or understand the meaning: Just the sight of the black scrawl ignited a familiar frustration.
It was the second time in about a year that someone scrawled a similar message on the wall, Brenda Della Penna said. The last time, the family shelled out $150, spent the day painting with neighbors to repair the damage and considered it a teen prank.
No one was ever caught or arrested for that. This time, the miscreants painted, ``Girls Still Poop Too'', so I am assuming that we can expect "Girls Still Poop Three" And Four???? I don't know, but we will keep an eye open here at Shovel Central.
Graffiti should be taken seriously because it can be the first sign of gang activity, but it doesn't appear to be the case in this situation, said sheriff's Sgt. Brett Landsberg.
Gulliver Prep coach Lazer Collazo resigns
Gulliver Prep baseball coach Lazer Callazo officialy resigned Wednesday, a week after his alledged involvement of improper behavior towards his players came to light.
''I am doing it for the kids and I am doing it for the school,'' Callazo told the Herald Wednesday morning. ``I am not going to coach anymore at the high school or college level. I am going to stay and work at my Hardball Academy and that's all I have to say.''
As should be!!! This freak dropped his pants and pulled out his yam bag and his Clinton, pointed to it, and accused his players of not having "the testicular fortitude it takes to play baseball"!!! INSANE!! If it were football I could understand this. But, baseball???
Anyway, I hear that a salivating Richard Simons requested a tenured position at the Hardball Academy, and said he would work for free.
Wednesday, 25, 2005 Woman arrested for having crowded car
A woman was arrested after the California Highway Patrol officer who pulled her car over found nine people crammed inside, including two children in the trunk.
There was no room left in the car, so this freak put two of the passengers - kids - in the freaking trunk!
Lavern Dunlap, 35, of Glendora, was pulled over about 8 p.m. Friday after another driver reported seeing a woman closing the trunk of her Toyota Corolla with two children inside as the vehicle sat parked on a shoulder.
The saddest part is that this woman will breed again. Her birth canal has yet to see its last escapee!!! WHAP!
Dunlap told the officer she was heading to her sister's house in Palmdale, about a 60-mile trip.
60 miles!!!!????? 60 miles in the trunk of a car!! That could be the title of Ted Kennedy's next book --- if he could manage to keep the car on the road, and the passenger alive, for 60 miles!!!
Accused Alligator Poacher Says He Was Protecting Children
An Escambia High School dean charged with alligator poaching said he was just trying to protect his children.
Michael Vann, 45, said a 4- to 5-foot gator charged at his 9-year-old daughter while she was fishing about 400 feet from home. After shooting the gator, Vann said it went back under water. The father said the alligator has been around his unfenced back yard near Bayou Marcus for nearly two weeks. He called the state wildlife commission for help in recent days but said he couldn't get through.
They charged him with a felony. Can you believe that? I would have charged him for child neglect for not turning the stupid gator into a set of shoes or a purse for her.
Paul Hogan called, I was out on a walkabout, but he left me a message saying, "I agree mate!" WHAP!"
Tuesday, 24, 2005 New drug delays male orgasms, study finds
The first drug formulated to treat premature ejaculation delays climax and also increases reported satisfaction, researchers said on Monday.
The drug, called dapoxetine, helped men delay their orgasms significantly and doubled the numbers of men and their female partners reporting "good" sexual satisfaction, they told a conference.
Star Wars nerds are overjoyed at this news, thinking that they might finally make it past the first 3 pages of the Playboy that they have been trying to look through for the past 10 years.
Thurl Ravenscroft, the voice of Tony the Tiger, dies at 91
Thurl Ravenscroft of Fullerton, Calif., whose voice was known worldwide through his work in movies, TV and at Disneyland, died Sunday from prostate cancer. He was 91.
"I'm the only man in the world that has made a career with one word: Grrrrreeeeat!" Ravenscroft roared in a 1996 interview with The Orange County Register. "When Kellogg's brought up the idea of the tiger, they sent me a caricature of Tony to see if I could create something for them. After messing around for some time I came up with the `Great!' roar, and that's how it's been since then."
Tony Danza smiled, thinking that he is finally the most famous Tony alive. He then called his agent to remind him that he only takes roles where the characters name is Tony. You guys ever notice that?
Lost
cigarette leads to bizarre accident A 38-year-old Winthrop, Ark. man was hospitalized after jumping out the passenger window of a vehicle traveling an estimated 55 to 60 mph to retrieve his cigarette late Saturday, an official said.
Jeff Foran was
riding in his friend's 2000 Dodge Stratus about 10 p.m. Saturday near the
Arkansas-Oklahoma border when the cigarette he was smoking blew out the
vehicle's front passenger window, said Arkansas State Police Trooper First
Class Jamie Gravier. Foran jumped out of the vehicle to retrieve the cigarette and hit the pavement, causing facial trauma.
Do we really need to read the rest of this story, Shovelers? The guy was drunk and I'm assuming he wasn't playing hooky from a Mensa meeting. Facial trauma? What sort of term is that, and why does it make me think of Joan Rivers?
Monday, 23, 2005 Tot, 5, packs a pistol
A 5-year-old Queens boy arrived home from kindergarten with a little something extra in his backpack - a loaded handgun, police said yesterday.
The story says that another kindergartner had given him a .45-caliber semiautomatic pistol and simply told him to, 'Give it back to me tomorrow.' The boys mother just assumed it was a toy gun when she first spotted it in his backpack.
"When I touched it, I realized it
was real," she said.
So she called the school, everyone freaked, and people were arrested and there was a community melt down and on and on and on!
Although the gun never discharged and no one was hurt, Christian's mother was horrified that her child would be exposed to weapons.
Horrified that her child would be exposed to weapons? What a whiney little liberal! He is 5 for Christ sakes! By that age he should have his own pistol and be able to bust the bull's-eye from 100 yards!!! He should also have a shovel. At 5 there is no reason why you shouldn't be swinging!!!
GRAND JURY STEPS UP IN 'MIDGET-BASHING'
Ok. I laughed when I read that headline. Who among us hasn't said something about the little people? I mean, if you get yourself a bottle of Grey Goose vodka, a Bee Gees CD and a half drunk little midget --- well, you have got yourself a full blown party that will be talked about for ages! Toss in a multicolored Volkswagen Beetle and you might just be anointed King of hootenannies - or be appointed CEO of Ringling Brothers! I don't know.
But, I digress.....
I read on....
A grand jury made short order of a Brighton Beach man yesterday, indicting him for terrorizing his neighbors — a midget mother and daughter.
That is a shovel beating offense to me. You do not mess with, or belittle, women - in any manner! Ever! Well, unless it is Hillary Clinton ---- and I'm not so sure what we would find if we lifted her skirt. WHAP! sorry....that was uncalled for - or NOT!
Anyway, they charged this dude with a hate crime because he kept singing, "Hi-ho, hi-ho, it's off to work we go." Forgive me, guys..... I'm laughing again. Lets get on to the next story!!!
Senator concerned politics played role in base closings; Pentagon denies any outside role
In a carefully worded statement, Sen. Frank Lautenberg (D-NJ) questioned why states that supported President Bush's reelection (red states) had a net job gain of 11,000, while states that opposed Bush (blue states) lost nearly 25,000 positions.
Hmmmm, how f***ing stupid are you, Frank!!!!
"My hope was that [Base Realignment and Closure] decisions were completely removed from politics but the total numbers do raise some questions," Lautenberg said.
The FREAKING war isn't even removed from politics, you asshole!!!! Wrong war, wrong place, wrong time. That was, is, your mantra. And you say this while we have troops on the ground! Then you wonder why none of them vote for you. You are a f***ing asshole and a f***ing idiot!
You damn Democrats are the ones that put politics into every single aspect of our freaking LIVES!!! To do it while are troops are defending us is just unconscionable to me! Remember the days when politics were supposed to stop at the shores? No you don't!! Because you guys are a bunch of power f***ing hungry assholes!!! If it were up to you the f***ing UN would be running our military bases and commanding our troops and you guys would be sitting around sipping f***ing wine and rationing out our ammo supply so that it would be equal with everyone else! You - sir are a JACKASS!!!
You don't support the troops and then you have the freaking audacity to turn around and question why your f***ing states military bases are being closed?? You don't want them until they leave. You are a big fat f***ing ass!!! Up yours!!!!
Sorry about that, fellow shovelers. But that f***er just used politics to state that he hoped politics wouldn't play a part. That goes against LOGIC!!! Asinine!!! I hope I used the F word e-F***ing- nough to properly f***ing convey my f***ing point. F***!!!!!
SPICE GIRLS REUNITE
I'm not sure how religious you guys are, but if this isn't a sign of the Apocalypse -- then I don't know what is. When the frogs start falling from the sky, run for the hills!!!
You thought you'd never see them again, but you were wrong. Now it is decided that the Spice Girls are to make a comeback. The girls are going to head out on a world tour with all the original members, including Ginger Spice.
They are also planning to release a BEST OF album. So I guess if you want to pay $20 for a blank CD, you can have at it!
I wonder if they would consider adding a Shovel Spice? AGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!! Trust me, this is going to be the biggest failed comeback EVER!!!!
Friday,20, 2005
ESPN Writer 'Tased,' Arrested for
DUI A respected racing journalist faces charges of drunk driving and resisting arrest after a police chase on the north side early Tuesday morning.
Bruce Martin, an ESPN correspondent, is in town covering the race. The car he was driving was totaled.
The police report states that this morons pace vehicle was dragging one of its front tires with sparks flying. I guess he missed the pit.
This guy, obviously having an Earnhardt Junior fantasy, led the cops on a two-mile chase. He didn't get the checkered flag and then refused to get out of the car. He might have waved his Dick Trickle at the officers-- I don't know.
One deputy broke out a window and used a taser on him. He then failed a field sobriety test registering .22, nearly three times the legal limit for alcohol.
And just 1/3 the legal limit of your average NASCAR fan. Either way, Jeff Gordon is still gay!
Also, speaking of ESPN, Chris Burman is still a fat ANNOYING, TALENT LESS, LUCKY TO BE EMPLOYED JACKASS!!!!! WHAP!WHAP!WHAP! Sorry, lost my mind there for a second.
Health Study Shows Males and Females are Different!
Could a headline get a bigger - DUH!!!!!
A recent study on medical treatment suggests that physicians need to pay more attention to gender when they diagnose and treat their patients for various conditions and ailments.
Who conducts these studies into the obvious, who in their right mind would pay for them, and why do they make the news? I swear, you see these types of stories at least once a year. Insane. I think I need to have my uvula checked.
Tuesday, 17, 2006 HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!
Everyday I beat
my own previous record for number of HAHA!! Monday, 16, 2005 United Attendants Pose for Risqué Calendar
While some United Airlines employees are using placards and pamphlets to protest the loss of their pensions, a group of flight attendants is taking a more risqué tack — showing some skin to publicize their plight.
The five women, ranging in age from 55 to 64, posed for a 2006 calendar that depicts them in various states of undress in front of a vintage plane, on a park bench and on a plane's wing, among other locations.
Old chicks, naked,
on the wings of a plane and on park benches. HHHhmmmmm..... Sounds like a
plot for an episode of CSI, doesn't it? Does it make you want to grab your
shovel or your Viagra or both?? I can't decide. I don't have any Viagra -
being the young stud that I am my Shovel has all the SHOVE in it that it
needs!!! HAHAHA Ok, that was just uncalled for and ridiculous!
Ok, I guess we should keep in mind that these chicks are stewardess's, and I have never seen a stewardess that wasn't hot.
Well, other than that one balding guy with the funny lisp who insisted that giving me a foot massage was part of my "flight package." I've never had a man rub my feet while singing Barry Manilow tunes to me before, but he seemed to know what he was doing so I tipped him 3 bucks and patted him on the head.
How did I get off on that tangent? Back to what I was saying, these are stewardess's, so we might be safe. It's not like we have Wal-Mart cashiers posing spread eagle in the buggy return isles or on the self checkout counters. YIKES!!!
Reflecting a mix of humor and anger, it was released to coincide with a bankruptcy court's approval this week of United's plan to terminate $9.8 billion in employee pension obligations.
Too bad we can't do that with the members of Congress. Those bastards will probably vote themselves a $9.8 billion dollar increase in their pensions and, still, all their lemmings will run to the polls and reelect them. Most of the rest of America will sit on the couch, sucking back gallons of Cheese Whiz while stabbing at their cell phones to vote for the latest American Idol contestant.
The rest of us will stand in line, ballot in hand, thinking of the veterans who have - and will die - to give us the right to vote, and we will wonder why it isn't legal to take a shovel and beat the first two groups of people to death!!!
While United is never named nor its airplanes shown, every photograph in "Stewardesses Stripped (Of Their Pension?)" is accompanied by a zinger related to the record pension default by the Elk Grove Village, Ill.-based airline. "Coffee, tea, or me without a pension?" reads one. "Marry me, fly free — but don't expect anything from my pension," says another. And the cover shot: "Are your butts covered? We thought ours were too."
Obviously these mental midgets aren't working for Hallmark! "Marry me, fly free.." ???? That sounds like a marriage proposal from Madonna!!
Anywho, the part of this that you guys will love the most is that United announced that it intended to stop funding its pensions and dump them on the government's pension agency, which by law can guarantee just $6.6 billion of the total.
What that means is that our government can put a gun to our heads and demand that we give them $6.6 billion dollars just because Untied broke a contract.
Hide your wallet and grab your shovel!!!!!!!!
Bob Dylan's Hometown to Name a Street
The street where Bob Dylan grew up is being given the name "Dylan Drive" in his honor.
It's the first time the city of
Hibbing, where Dylan also attended high school, is doing something permanent
to honor him.
"This street sign, and the support we've received from so many people here in town, show once and for all that this town is proud of Bob and what he's accomplished," said Aaron Brown, committee chairman of Dylan Days, a four-day festival that honors Dylan and the arts.
Bob said, "I would mbbbllleeenmmmmmmbblllen mlbel ummmm anmble memememememebebebebeummmmble...me bumble umble umble"
I have the
translation crew here at the Shovel working on Bob's response. When I find
out exactly what he said, I will let you guys know. It might take eons
because Dylan speak is not something that we have invested much of our
resources in!
Fence From Grassy Knoll Up for Auction
Conspiracy theorists and collectors, take note: A section of fencing from the infamous grassy knoll in Dallas' Dealey Plaza is going up for auction.
The weather-beaten picket fence, along with its metal posts, goes up for bid Sunday at the Lelands.com online auction house. Bidding on the fence from the scene of President Kennedy's Nov. 22, 1963, assassination runs through June 16.
"It's an iconic item, in a macabre
sort of way," said Simeon Lipman, director of Americana at the Long
Island-based auction house.
The fence was rescued from the junk heap five years ago by Dealey Plaza tour guide Ronald D. Rice. When a construction crew began dismantling the fence to replace it in January 2000, Rice grabbed four sections each nearly 6 feet long and 4 1/2 feet high and put them into storage.
The minimum opening bid for the fence is $5,000, although Lipman acknowledged he had no idea what kind of bidding might ensue. "It's impossible to say with such a unique item," he said.
At the end of the auction, my prediction is that the Warren Commission will claim that there was only one winning bidder, but we will never know for sure if he was the sole wining bidder, or if he had help bidding. There might have been a last second bid coming from the other side of the auction knoll. Who knows??
Either way, Oliver Stone needs to be beat to death with a shovel, and fat drunk Ted will most likely blow $5,000 on scotch and water that day in an attempt to out bid the quote-unquote, imaginary person that is screaming at him from the floorboard of his car.
Thursday, 12, 2005
Brewery Says New Pope Loves Its
Beer
Shoveline,
Vatican City, Rome --- A German brewery is
enjoying new success following a label change, and a "thumbs-up" from a
high-profile fan of its beer, German native Pope Benedict XVI.
After that blessing the brewery was compelled to send the Pope 185 gallons of their tasty adult beverage. In related news, Ted Kennedy announced he is thirsty and plans to visit the Vatican tomorrow.
Elderly Woman Survives Nine-Story Fall
They wrote the songs that made you sing
Richard and Robert Sherman are the authors of the most-played song on Earth, and for that they would like to apologize to some of you.
The song is "It's a Small World (After All)," the tune that plays on a continual, multilingual loop every few minutes at Disney theme parks across the world -- a fact that Disney employees are only too well aware.
"They must go out of their minds," says Richard Sherman.
"We've driven teenagers crazy in every language," says Robert Sherman.
My intent of posting this story was to get that song stuck in your heads for a couple of hours. Now that I have succeeded at that, I would like to ask that the Black Crows, Poison, Beck and Britney Spears apologize for every song that they have ever recorded!
Wednesday, 11, 2005 Deputy, Car Chase Suspect Wounded After 95 Rounds Fired At SUV
Shovelline Monterey Park, Calif. -- A car chase suspect in California was wounded after deputies fired more than 90 rounds into his SUV.
Wounded??? Do they not train their deputies to shoot?
Deputies were responding to a call about shots being fired in a troubled Compton neighborhood when they tried to pull over an SUV that had been reported loitering.
The guy fled, and the police chased him for 15-minutes before using a spike strip to flatten the tires.
Videotape showed 10 Los Angeles County deputies surrounding the vehicle -- and then opening fire after it lurched forward and hit a squad car.
Martin Riggs saw this story and just laughed, claiming that if he had spent 95 rounds the guy would have more holes in him than 100 blocks of Swiss cheese.
Nationwide Free Frosty Giveaway at Wendy’s
This weekend at Wendy's nationwide, Frostys are on the house.
Is it just me or is that a horribly worded sentence? Shouldn't it be .....at Wendy's, Frostys are on the house - nationwide.? Sorry, just being a picky little shoveler!! hehehe Sorry, but I do have an MBA in grammar...... or is it a BS? Me forgets.
From Friday, May 13, through Sunday, May 15, consumers can pick up a free Junior Frosty at their local Wendy's restaurant. No purchase is required for customers to receive the free dessert.
Wendy's expects to give away more than 14 million Junior Frostys during the special three-day event.
Michael Moore is expected to be the slurpie of more than 8 million of those. Unless his limo breaks down, which will put him at about 6 million. Rosanne Barr warned that she will kick his ass if pulls in front of her at the drive thru.
"We're thanking our loyal customers for their support following the incident in San Jose," said Tom Mueller, Wendy's president and chief operating officer.
This is all about that freak who claimed to have found a finger in her chili. It turned out to be a lie and she has since been arrested. Hopefully she will soon be given 14 million WHAPS with a shovel!
'Sea of beer' shuts eastbound 401
Shovelline, Canada -- Rush-hour traffic on the busiest stretch of Highway 401 was snarled this morning after a tractor trailer hauling 2184 cases of beer collided with a small car and flipped onto its side.
Two thousand plus cases? Was this truck headed for the Kennedy Compound? Or was David Hasselhoff's fat ass needing something to wash down his 50 gallon tube of Cheese Whiz??!!???
The accident at about 6:30 a.m. brought traffic to a standstill in the eastbound express lanes the 401 just east of Highway 400, in the area known as the 'basket weave.
'The entire load of beer was spilled, creating what one police officer described as a "sea of beer."
Norm Peterson called it a "sea of heaven".
An air ambulance was dispatched to the scene, after a female driver was trapped in her car, but it wasn't needed.
It turned out to be
Brett Butler, and she happened to have a straw, a bag of Doritos and was
thirsty.
She just sucked her
way out. Kind of like she did with her comedy career.
Tuesday, 10, 2005
Sex researchers shed light on
unpopular sex acts
From bondage to "breath play" and zoophilia, it's not easy keeping up with society's fast-developing sexual trends.
That's why some of North America's top sexologists are hunkered down with academics and therapists at a Fisherman's Wharf hotel this weekend: to swap findings about everything from teens with underwear fetishes to transgender couples.
"These couples have problems that I didn't know how to deal with," said Olga Perez Stable Cox, president of the Western U.S. region of the Society for the Scientific Study of Sexuality.
HUH!!?? Zoophilia?? These noodle nurses are meeting at a Fisherman's Warf hotel to discuss why some people feel the need to copulate with barn creatures? You don't need a meeting or a convention to figure this out. I can some it up for you in 3 words. PEOPLE ARE FREAKS! They will consummate their relationships with anything from a banana to a bowl of butterscotch pudding. Stop wasting so much time and go get a real job, like making me a Big Mac!
I offer a course in shoveling, though I doubt any of you could pass the required academic entrance exam!
Doctors: Vaginal Cream May Be Harmful For Face
In an effort to put her best face forward, one woman decided to use a product on her face that was meant for a different part of the body. A guest on the television talk show "Oprah" recently shared her secret to fighting facial wrinkles: vaginal cream.
"I have been putting Premarin vaginal cream on my face for 20 years, and it works," said Vicki Mackarvich.
I guess the theme of today is FREAKS!!! How did she go from spreading it down there to spreading it around her eyes? That just sounds like a really bad Linda Lovelace porn script.
Even worse, the story goes on to tell that many people use Preparation H for the same thing. That gives a whole new meaning to the term - BUTT FACE, huh?
Beachcomber spots tackle of a different sort
A beachcomber called police to
report a grisly find while walking on Auckland's Eastern Beach at the
weekend - "what appeared to be a set of severed male genitalia, including
penis and testicles", as the police log recorded it.
Is the scientific name, dick-weed? Or do we call it a Bobbitt?
Monday, 09, 2005 Local Bomb Shell Landmark Stolen Sounds like an American Idol headline, doesn't it guys?
For the last forty years, the Gibson family proudly displayed an old World War II bomb shell in their Carbondale yard. The six foot tall, 350 pound shell was certainly hard to miss, as drivers passed by it on Giant City road.
Isn't 'an old WW II bomb' sort of redundant? Sorry, just being picky! heheheh WHAP!!!
Some even
describe it as a local landmark. But, over the weekend, the bomb turned up
missing. The Gibson's think someone stole it, but they're not sure how
thieves could yank the heavy shell out from the ground, and not get spotted,
along their busy street.
Not sure how? Saddam moved tons of them without anyone noticing and he also convinced the Democratic Party that he never had them in the first place. Although they had already claimed that he did, but now they say he didn't. But back then he did, but that was before war monger, W got into office and flew those planes into the towers because he wanted to make some "BIG OIL!" money for his cigar smoking buddies!! Sorry, I had myself an Al Franken moment there for a second. My God!! Wouldn't you guys like to take a shovel to that guys dome!!???
For the last four decades, Lucille Gibson, and her daughter, Judi, didn't have to give out their home address, they just told everyone to look for the home with the bomb in the front yard.
"It's been around, people have said, ‘don't take it down or we'll get lost!’ Before the high school was here and this road didn't go through, that's what people used to find the blacktop!” said Judi.
Lucille's late husband, Hoot, used the bomb to mark his small welding business to customers.
"He used to say he could weld anything, but a broken heart or the break of day," said Lucille.
I think George Strait needs to grab his guitar and jump all over that line! There is a million bucks there if he can find the right chord!!
She also claims her husband would often do welding projects for free, but there was something never for sale - his World War II bomb shell.
"He used to say for everything he gave away, he'd get back three times as much. That's the attitude he had. I'm so upset over this. It’s about the only thing I have left to remember him by," said Lucille.
What's more frustrating for this family, just a few days after the bomb turned up missing, Judi found a note in the mailbox. It contained a photo of four unknown women. And written on the photo are the words, "thank you!"
One of them must have been Jane Fonda and the other three must have been Kennedy Clan whores!
I hope they all develop an incurable, 24/7 rectal itch that has them sucking on Tucks pads like they were BlowPops!!! !
Cops: Man had 10 beers,
blew up house
A 38-year-old suburban man allegedly admitted to police he drank 10 beers
before lighting a commercial firework inside his home, blowing up the house
and seriously burning himself and a female companion.
Darwin must have been asleep at the wheel on this one!
The UN sent in an inspection team. Their results are expected to be in by
the year 3000, at which point the Democrats will claim that the guy never
had the shells and that the police report was false. They will then anoint
this guy as the all important, most irrelevant, Chair of the DNC!
Coke arrested on charge of possessing $8 million worth A woman identified by authorities as Denise Coke was arrested after a drug-sniffing dog discovered 33 pounds of cocaine in her vehicle.
Isn't
that a......ummmmmm.... what is the word I am looking for? ummmmmm a
thing-a-ma-doggle! A ...ummmm... hypotenuse!!! No, that wasn't the word I
was looking for. My mind just went blank - which just happens to be
its normal state of being! hehehehe
Roseville police acting on a tip gave Michigan State Police the description of a vehicle allegedly containing drugs. Coke, 25, of Detroit was arrested after being pulled over for speeding Tuesday night on Interstate 696.
Coke was arraigned Wednesday on a charge of possession with intent to deliver more than 1,000 grams of cocaine, punishable by up to life in prison upon conviction.
Pepsi declined comment.
Roseville Police Chief Richard Heinz said the cocaine had a street value of $7 million to $8 million.
7 to 8? Sure, that is unless you had Charlie Sheen's cell number, which would make it closer to12 to 13 million. Maybe even 20 if he had a hooker at the house at the time.
Friday, 06, 2005
Woman Gets 20 Years for Staging Fake
Death Shovelline - Georgetown, Texas. A woman who helped her husband dig up a corpse and use it to fake his death in a fiery staged car accident was sentenced Thursday to 20 years in prison. I have had some crazy ideas before, but I have never had a - lets dig up a corpse and use it to fake my own death idea before!
A jury sentenced Molly Daniels after she pleaded guilty to insurance fraud and hindering apprehension. She was also fined $10,000.
"This was a ghoulish, horrific crime," said prosecutor Jane Starnes. "I think it is unfortunate she could only get 20 years."
These two freaks dug up the body of an 81-year-old and used it to fake this guys death. The husband, Clayton Wayne Daniels, was scheduled to report to jail for failing to report to his probation officer.
No!! Who could possibly imagine that there might be a failure to report to jail in this story? Only people who have never been to jail commit these sort of heinous acts!
Clayton Daniels returned a few weeks later with a different name and his hair dyed black, prosecutors said. His wife introduced him as her new boyfriend to her 4-year-old son.
This woman should be sewn shut.
In court, investigators said the wreck had seemed suspicious from the start. There were no skid marks on the road, and an investigator found that the fire started in the driver's seat and was helped along by charcoal lighter fluid.
You can't fool CSI Georgetown! They searched the couple's home and Molly's work computer and found a scheme to create a new identity for her husband, including fake birth certificates and a Texas driver's license under some assumed name.
Clayton Daniels.
Molly Daniels. Why is it that I get the feeling that Jack Daniels also had a
hand in this moronic scheme? GULP! WHAP!
Gore to Get Lifetime Award for Internet
Al Gore may have been lampooned for taking credit in the Internet's development, but organizers of the Webby Awards for online achievements don't find it funny at all.
Webby? What sort of Mexican ditch weed were they smoking when they decided on that name?
In part to "set the record straight," they will give Gore a lifetime achievement award for three decades of contributions to the Internet, said Tiffany Shlain, the awards' founder and chairwoman.
Contributions? Name one! Oh, in case some of you don't know, this clod boasted that he "took the initiative in creating the Internet." Riiiiight! I bet the guy couldn't even turn a computer on!! I bet he thinks C:enter is the punch line to a homo joke! <that is - see colon enter - for you libs out there> If Al has actually ever surfed the net, my bet is that he spent most of his time at pastyfatwhitechicks.com.
"It's just one of those instances someone did amazing work for three decades as congressman, senator and vice president and it got spun around into this political mess," Shlain said.
I don't believe her statement. I DEMAND A RECOUNT!! I demand a recount. Al Gore stole this award. He stole the award. Not to mention that he is fat, insane and rejected, not elected! He stole it!
Bank
robbery suspect arrested Was this robber this stupid? Or was he just too chicken really attempt to rob the bank?
On 5/3/05 at 11:51 am the South Portland Police Department received a report of a Robbery at the Mill Creek Branch of the Norway Savings Bank. Employees of the bank reported that a subject had pulled into the drive-through area and sent the teller a note demanding money, through the pneumatic tube system.
Obviously this dork didn't get the money so he pulled away, left the seen, scrammed, vamoosed, hit the trail, scampered in his pants, scurried, darted away....
Sorry! Anyway, an officer spotted him 2 minutes later and pulled him over. He immediately surrendered without incident.
Hold on a second, fellow Shovelers!!!! Immediately surrendered without incident?!!? He wasn't stupid or chicken. He was a FRENCH! A French bank robber!!!! Oh... I gues that would make him stupid and chicken. Never mind. WHAP!
School board bans band from performing 'Louie Louie'
A pop culture controversy that has simmered for decades came to a head when a middle school marching band was told not to perform "Louie Louie."
Benton Harbor Superintendent Paula Dawning cited the song's allegedly raunchy lyrics in ordering the McCord Middle School band not to perform it in Saturday's Grand Floral Parade, held as part of the Blossomtime Festival.
What are you guys in Michigan drinking? Number One - it is an instrumental version of the song. Number Two - you would need an abacus, a hearing aide, Stephen Hawking, and 30 snot drunk frat guys to translate the lyrics to that song. Number Three - that controversy died before Paula Dawning lost her Blossomtime!!!
Let it go! Louie Louie, Oh Oh, we gotta go, yeah yeah .... something, something, something.... Go get yourself a beer, lady!
Have a great weekend, guys! HAPPY MOTHERS DAY to all my Mother Shovelers!
|
ged
with felony arson after allegedly splashing rubbing alcohol on the floor of
the two-story home in Aurora Township and using a lighter to ignite the fire
around 1 a.m. Sunday, the Kane County Sheriff's office said.
That is a conundrum. The coke thing is just ironic! Some horse-faced chick
wrote a song about that word. I think her name is Alanis, the ugly, angry, I
eat bales of hay and you need a bridal to date me, something or another. She
sold a couple of records. I didn't buy either of them.
