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Glitch Hits Burial Of Man With
Mobile Phone
A man whose dying wish was to be buried along
with his mobile phone has to be dug up again after his family discovered
they had forgotten to insert his SIM card.
Buried with his mobile phone? He must have
had an ass load of unused ROLL OVER minutes.
Arso Banjeglav, 67, of Montenegrin, was so
pre-occupied with sending text message to his friends on his mobile phone
that he told his son 38-year-old son Brano of his wish to be buried with it.
However, after his funeral, his family
discovered that his grandson, who was playing with the device, had taken out
the SIM card.
"We put the phone in the coffin as he wanted,
but my 10-year-old son had been playing with it and had taken the card out
without my knowledge," Brano said. "So now we have got to dig him up again
to put it in the phone."
Can you hear me now?
See you guys Monday.
Thursday, 25,
2007
Another La.
town bans saggy pants
With a councilman
saying underwear "is called underwear for a reason," another Cajun-country
town has banned saggy pants from its streets.
The ordinance,
passed unanimously Monday by the Port Allen City Council, requires pants to
be secured at the waist so they do not fall below the hips, expose underwear
or create indecent exposure.
In one way, I agree
with this law - guys shouldn't be allowed to walk around in public like
this. BUT! On the other hand, I say let them wear their pants that way. Why?
Because that way I am able to spot an IDIOT without having to engage them in
conversation.
Violators could be
fined $25 to $250 for a first offense, and $250 to $500 for repeat offenses.
Council member Ray
Helen Lawrence said she voted for the ordinance only because she got
numerous calls from constituents who consider the look a fashion faux pas.
Many said they associate droopy outerwear with crime, she said.
How long before
this becomes a racial issue? Just wondering.
Wandering Boy Rescued By
Registered Sex Offender
SHOVELLINE -OMAHA, Neb.
-- A
3-year-old Lincoln boy wandered away from his home in the middle of the
night and was rescued by a level 3 sex offender, capital city police said on
Tuesday.
The boy's mother,
who does not want to be identified, said the family was sleeping just before
3 a.m. Tuesday when her son old got out of the apartment wearing only a
diaper. The temperature outside was 36 degrees.
"Tuesday when
her son old got out........." Sweet proofreading job, Mr. Editor.
WHAP!
It was scary," the
woman said. "It was, like, a worst nightmare that come true."
"It was, like, a
worst nightmare that come true." That is extraordinary command of the
English language, lady.
She said the boy
wandered about a block from his home to the intersection of 48th and
Leighton streets, where a passerby found him on a traffic island.
"The first passerby
who first stopped and spotted the child is a level 3 registered sex
offender," said Kacky Finnell of the Lincoln Police Department.
Police said the man
was convicted in 1997 of sexually assaulting a 4-year-old he was
baby-sitting. On Tuesday morning, he was driving home from work.
"As he got out of
the vehicle and contacted the child, another car was also driving by with
two people in that," Finnell said.
Huh? Read those
last two sentences again, fellow Shovelers. I am going to assume that the
editor had been going Ted Kennedy on a bottle of Jack Daniels when this
story was dropped on his desk. WHAP!
Why is a guy who
sexually assaulted a 4 year old still drawing breath?? He should have been
beat to death with a shovel! Just think what might have happened if the
other car hadn't pulled up? I bet that guy felt like he had just hit the
jack pot when he saw that child there.
The boy's mother
said she feels fortunate about the way the morning played out. She said she
plans to get more secure locks. Until then, she said she will push a heavy
chair in front of the door and remind her son not to wander off.
More secure locks?
What in hell kind of locks is she using now?? Is she Scotch taping the door
to the door frame?
Who knows, maybe
this kid was born to be a locksmith.
Wednesday, 24,
2007
Boozy Britons sink 37 bottles of
whisky a year
Britain's
demand for booze is growing, with the average adult getting
through the equivalent of 37 bottles of whisky a year.
Ted
Kennedy belched and laughed, "37 bottles a year? -hiccup - That
must be a typo! Surely they meant 37 a month. One per weekday
and 2 for Saturday and Sunday. He then put on a neck brace,
screamed, "you limeys are a bunch of light weights!", and
stumbled his way to the senate floor.
The UK
is one of the few countries in the EU where alcohol consumption
is rising, a study of the nation's health has found.
One
result has been a disturbing increase in the number of young
women dying from chronic liver disease
The
survey, the Health Profile of England, also confirms that the
country has the biggest obesity problem in the EU and the
highest teenage pregnancy rate in Western Europe.
However, life expectancy is higher than ever.
Huh?
That is great news! Just great! Not only are they a bunch of
fat, floozy, tramps, that will be pumping out illegitimate crib
lizards at an alarming rate: but they are also going to live
longer to do it. WHAP!
An administrative law
judge
who drew national attention for his $54 million
lawsuit against a local dry cleaner could soon be
getting his ticket to unemployment. As should be.
This guy is apparently a narcissistic freak, who
obviously does not have the mental faculties to be
sitting on the bench and he obviously has no intention
of
upholding the integrity and independence of the
judiciary. $54 million for a pair of pants? WHAP!
In
this sue happy world we live in, this guy has no
business wearing a robe - unless it is made of terry
cloth and he is sitting on his couch shoveling popcorn
into his mouth while watching Peoples Court reruns.
These LEGAL immigrants had to shut down their store
because of this. F***ing A**hole!! I hope the next time
he goes to a dry cleaners it is to get the grease stains
out of his Arby's uniform.
A city commission
on Monday voted against reappointing
Roy L. Pearson Jr.
to sit on bench at the
Office of Administrative
Hearings,
a court that rules on cases involving D.C. agencies,
The Post's Keith L.
Alexander
reports.
How long until the race card is played??
Pearson,
filed suit after the owners of
Custom
Cleaners in
Northeast Washington allegedly lost a pair of pants he brought in for
alterations. The case ended with a
D.C.
Superior Court
judge's
ruling
in the cleaners' favor. Pearson later indicated he would appeal.
APPEAL??!!? This
jackass needs to be beat to death with a shovel! NOW!
NJ voters to decide fate of
'Idiot' language in Constitution
In about two weeks,
New Jersey voters will decide whether to eliminate insensitive phrasing in
the state Constitution that characterizes people with disabilities as
"idiots" and "insane."
The offensive language, adopted in the Constitution in 1844, is aimed at
barring people with limited mental capacity from voting: "No idiot or insane
person shall enjoy the right of suffrage."
Really? Then how
the hell do they keep electing Democrats in that state?? I guess they have
been ignoring their own Constitution. Much like Democrats do with our
nations Constitution.
At least seven other states _ Arkansas, Iowa, Kentucky, Minnesota,
Mississippi, New Mexico and Ohio _ have the words "idiot" or "insane" in
their constitutions to define who can vote.
On Nov. 6, New
Jersey voters will decide whether to replace the wording in its Constitution
with a phrase explaining how people deemed by a judge "to lack the capacity
to understand the act of voting" would be barred from casting ballots.
So, are they saying
that Democrats will no longer be able vote in New Jersey?
Seriously though,
could you imagine how great this country would be if everyone had to pass an
I.Q. test before they were allowed to register to vote? Seriously! WHAP!
Tuesday, 23,
2007
Textbook may have been gunman's
target
An Indiana
University law student accused of firing several shots from an apartment
balcony may have been aiming at a textbook, police said.
Investigators say
they found two bullet holes in a book on real estate transfer finance and
development in the apartment complex's parking lot.
A book about, "real
estate transfer finance and development..."?? Man, how annoying does that
sound? I am surprised the freak didn't turn the gun on himself! WHAP!
Jesse M. Sneed, 27,
faces a felony charge of criminal recklessness with a weapon in connection
with Tuesday morning's shooting.
Officers arrested
Sneed on Tuesday as he tried to drive away from the area. Police have said
they found Sneed "under the influence of alcohol" and uncooperative.
I bet they are
going to throw the
book at him!
Damn, that was
cheesy. I apologize, and will give myself a beating for that.
As violence falls in Iraq,
cemetery workers feel the pinch
At what's believed
to be the world's largest cemetery, where Shiite Muslims aspire to be buried
and millions already have been, business isn't good.
A drop in violence around Iraq has cut burials in
the huge Wadi al Salam cemetery here by at least
one-third in the past six months, and that's cut the
pay of thousands of workers who make their living
digging graves, washing corpses or selling burial
shrouds.
Can you freaking believe this?!!?? This is a
pathetic new low for the libs in the press. It is
sick!! They are just hell bent on reporting
negatively on the war in Iraq. Nothing can be
good news if it is news on Iraq.
The press runs around keeping a count on deaths,
parading the numbers and screaming about what a
total and senseless waste of life each death is.
Then the deaths go down and what do they do??
Do they applaud the drop and report that things are
getting better over there? Hell, no!
Their reports must be negative!, So, they spin it.
They actually try an put it in a negative light by
saying the decrease in deaths is hurting the
livelihood of cemetery workers! WHAP! WHAP! WHAP!
Too many are dying - not enough are dying. Do what
ever it takes to create a negative slant. Sick
agenda whores!
It is a sad statement about our media, but I still
have to laugh. I guess these booger eaters don't
realize what total mentally vapid, unctuous, dill
hole, idiots they are making themselves look like.
WHAP!
Monday, 22, 2007
Man shot with flare gun called apparent suicide
A 79-year-old man shot himself in the mouth with a flare
gun Thursday morning, in an incident that Town of
Tonawanda police are calling an apparent suicide.
Emergency crews responding to the 8:52 a.m. call of a
man down on an Elmwood Avenue front lawn took the man to
Erie County Medical Center, where he died about an hour
and a half later.
Apparently this guy
had a FLARE for the dramatic.
Survey: Gas Prices Up 5 Cents In
2 Weeks
The national
average price for gasoline rose about 5 cents over the last two weeks,
according to a survey released Sunday.
The average price of regular gasoline on Friday was $2.80 a gallon,
mid-grade was $2.92, and premium was $3.03, oil industry analyst Trilby
Lundberg said.
The nation's lowest price was in Newark, N.J., where a gallon of regular
cost $2.56, on average. The highest was in San Francisco at $3.17, according
to the Lundberg Survey of 7,000 stations nationwide.
Then there are places all across this country - like Boaz, Alabama, where
you can get free gas by pulling the finger of a big-fat good ole' boy who is
making his way out of a barbeque buffet.
Gas prices will
continue to rise until we get politicians who have the stones to tell the
environmental idiots to F themselves and we start drilling in our own
territory.
We can do it, but
no one on the hill has the boggetts to push it through.
None of them really
care about what is good for the country - all they care about is what is
good for getting them a vote. WHAP! Our Government is out of control and no
one cares. The average citizen cares more about who will win "Dancing with
the Stars" than they do the day to day votes of the people who can actually
control their lives.
Trust me, that is
the way the politicians like it. They love it when the majority of the
citizens don't pay attention to what they are doing.
That is sad!
WHAP!!!
Friday, 19, 2007
Much like
Capitol Hill has become a 'paradise' for members of Congress.
It's a
community that seems serene, with just a wind chime breaking the
silence. But look again and you will see many residents wearing ankle
monitor systems that alert authorities if they wander too far away.
The Palace
Mobile Home Park is a place that welcomes sex offenders. Ninety-five of
these 200 residents are convicted sex offenders, including some
pedophiles.
The
adults-only, nondescript, low-income trailer park near St. Petersburg,
Florida has gained a reputation among sex offenders on probation as a
good place to live and stay out of trouble
"Out there ...
it's a jungle," said Michael, who did not want his last name used for
this report. "In here, it's our own little piece of paradise. We're safe
here."
'Out there is a
jungle' ...... Duh!! that is because FREAKS like you are wandering
around.
In many
ways, the Palace provides him a second chance at life. New laws across
the country have limited where
sex offenders
and predators can live, banning them from places where children might
congregate. This trailer park is far enough away from schools, churches,
playgrounds and bus stops, allowing Michael to call it home without
running afoul of the law.
Ummmm, living
in a trailer park almost guarantees that you will run afoul of
THE LAW!!!! Has this journalist never seen an episode of cops????
Couple's Dancing Cockatoo Becomes
a Star
An online video
of pet cockatoo dancing to a Backstreet Boys song has a northwestern
Indiana couple dealing with some worldwide attention. Irena and Chuck
Schulz have more than 30 birds in their home, but the cockatoo,
Snowball, is the star.
Whenever they
play the 1997 song "Everybody (Backstreet's Back)," the 11-year-old
medium sulfur-crested Eleonora cockatoo lifts his legs, squawks and bobs
his head, flashing his bright yellow crest to the beat.
Television
programs "Inside Edition" and "The Morning Show with Mike and Juliet"
have featured Snowball's moves. The couple says people from around the
world have contacted them after seeing the bird dancing on the
video-sharing site YouTube or elsewhere.
The sick
thing is, the people who watch these shows actually think they are
watching the news. The sadder thing is - they are allowed to reproduce.
This country is done for!
Sex, Nazi,
burrito and Viagra: Who Googles what?
Internet users in Egypt, India and Turkey are
the world's most frequent searchers for Web
sites using the keyword "sex" on Google search
engines, according to statistics provided by
Google Inc.
Germany, Mexico and Austria were world's top
three searchers of the word "Hitler" while
"Nazi" scored the most hits in Chile, Australia
and the United Kingdom, data from 2004 to the
present retrievable on the "Google Trends" Web
site showed.
Chile also came
in first place searching for the word "gay",
followed by Mexico and Colombia.
The top searchers for other keywords were as
follows (in order from first to third place):
"Jihad" -
Morocco, Indonesia, Pakistan
"Terrorism" - Pakistan, Philippines, Australia
"Hangover" - Ireland,
United Kingdom, United States
- the United States being
second and third can be directly tied to Ted
Kennedy
"Burrito" - United States, Argentina, Canada
VIVA Taco Bell!
Thursday, 18, 2007
Shovel, Knife Wielded During Fight
SHOVELLINE -TAMPA -
An argument between two men escalated into one being
stabbed and the other hit with a shovel, the
Hillsborough County Sheriff's Office reported Tuesday
night.
WHAP!!
Both men, whose names were not released, are in their
20s, deputies said.
They were taken to Tampa General Hospital, authorities
reported.
Deputies went to Silver Palm apartments at 2301 Benbow
Court after an emergency call of a stabbing at 10:16
p.m.
The man who was stabbed was outside his apartment
drinking with friends when the other man drove up. They
argued, and the man who had driven up stabbed the other
man in the chest.
The stabbing victim then grabbed a shovel and struck the
attacker on the head, deputies reported.
This idiot obviously hasn't been through Shovel 101!
His shovel should have been in a white knuckle grip,
ready for full swing long before this argument
escalated! If he had, this dork with the knife wouldn't
have been able to get close to him. WHAP!!!
Customer In Line Slashed
SHOVELLINE
-NEW HAVEN - -- A man ordering coffee at a
doughnut shop was slashed by another customer who police say was
apparently upset over the time it was taking to complete the
transaction.
Martin Forte, 41, of Newington was taken to Yale-New Haven Hospital
after being attacked inside a Dunkin' Donuts shop on Chapel Street in
New Haven just before 2 p.m.
Hold on a
freaking second! This happened in a Dunkin' Donuts shop??!!!?? Where
were the cops? Maybe they were just to full of sweet creamy filling to
give chase.
Police say the attacker was behind Forte in line, seemed impatient and
became enraged when Forte inquired how much coffee a large cup would
hold.
The attacker
slashed Forte on the neck with a box-cutter style knife, then fled,
police said.
If I were the
guy behind the counter, I would have looked at the guy like he was from
Mars. Then I would have just pulled a number out of my ass, or said,
'less than an extra large'
I hate
people who hold up lines. I always get behind the person at the ATM who
seems to be trying to take out a second mortgage. WHAP!
Fire brigade 'may charge fee' for
moving obese people
A fire brigade said today it is considering
starting to charge if it has to help move fat
people.
I wonder if this means that anorexics get a
discount?
Fire chiefs in Lancashire say they are
considering the fee to be charged on hospitals,
nursing homes, the police or other agencies if
they are called in to move grossly overweight
members of the public.
Fire crews are often called upon by police,
hospital, nursing home or ambulance staff simply
because they alone cannot move grossly fat
members of the public.
Charging other agencies for help was one idea
put forward in a Risk Management Plan where the
lifting of people who are "bariatric" - the
medical term for obese - was considered.
The spokesman said
crews had been called out a number of times to people weighing in excess
of 30 stones.
30 stones equals
420 freaking pounds!! How do you get that fat??? ...note to
self - call Michael Moore.
Here is a picture
for you guys. Tasty, huh? I hope you aren't having lunch right now.
Question, what
would you do if you were called to move someone and you showed up and
found this?
"Um, I quit and I
am going to go hurl my guts out."
He said one fire crew was called in to move an
extremely obese man who had to go from his home
to hospital for an operation and he could not be
lifted from his bed and down the stairs.
They had to take out a window frame, call in a
"cherry picker" mechanical lift, then strain to
put the patient into a mechanical cage before
lowering him to the ground.
"Since we are a publicly funded organization we
have to consider whether it is appropriate in
some cases to charge other agencies for our
services."
No figure had yet been put on any possible
charge.
It would not apply, even to other agencies, if
they were called to emergency 999 situations and
the person to be moved or rescued was obese.
Wednesday, 17,
2007
'Hat Bandit' teller gets $10K but
forfeits job
The Bank of
America teller who helped police catch the notorious "Hat Bandit"
responsible for 19 area robberies in 10 months was handed $10,000 in
reward money from law enforcement this afternoon - but said he had to
give up his job to collect it.
Steven Gomez, a
21-year-old junior at Rutgers University, said his employer told him he
had to forfeit the job if he took the money publicly. Gomez said he
chose to leave the bank and portrayed his departure as a resignation
rather than being fired.
Gomez, an
Elizabeth resident, is a business and finance major who worked 25 hours
a week at the bank. Gomez was instrumental to police in cracking the
case of the mystery man who wore hats to his bank heists. Authorities
had no solid leads until July 22, when James Madison walked into the
Union Township bank branch.
Madison
demanded $3,000 from Gomez. Gomez turned over the money but decided to
trail Madison to the parking lot and spied him leaving in a black 2001
Nissan Altima. Gomez got the license plate number that led police to
Madison, a paroled killer living in Maplewood.
This is just
another reason to hate the Bank of Spain..... errrrrr... I mean,
America. Nothing pisses me off more than that bank asking me if I want
English or Spanish. Hello???!! What F**KING country am I standing in???
The machines should go straight to English! Then, if the wrong buttons
are being punched, it should ask the customer if he is wearing a leaf
blower!! WHAP!!
Good for this
kid though. That $10,000 is probably close to a years salary for him. My
guess is that he will get a ton of job offers from this publicity.
BOA can kiss my
A!!!!!!!
Bed-mounted shotguns
The worst part
about shooting home invaders is having to get out of bed to grab the
shotgun.
No, the worst
part of shooting a home invader is having to clean the blood out of the
carpet and the brains off of the wall.
Well, that's no
longer a problem with the The Back-Up Gun Rack, which provides a
convenient and easy-to-install bed-mounted solution! Now you can fill
invaders with two barrels of buckshot without even having to sit up.
Neat idea, but
a waste of money.
My shotgun
stands at the head of the bed - leaning against the wall and the
bedpost. I don't have to sit up either. It is loaded, so all I have to
do is grab it, pump and squeeze. Say goodbye to the bad guy!!
Blam, blam!! I have weapons all over my house. Not to mention all the
shovels! WHAP! WHAP! WHAP!
Arm yourself,
Shovelers! If you don't own a firearm, you are nuts!
Still exercising ... still fat
When it comes to
weight loss, is exercise worth all the
effort? How long does it take to lose
the fat? And can time on the court do
it? Smart Fitness answers your workout
and weight-loss queries. Have an
exercise question? To e-mail us,
click here.
We’ll post select answers in future
columns.
Q:
I
am trying so hard to lose weight. I
exercise daily — one hour on the
treadmill or elliptical — yet nothing is
budging on my body. I am totally
frustrated. Why isn't exercise helping
me to lose weight? Is it even worth it?
A: Don't give up on exercise for weight loss, says
exercise physiologist.......
Agghhhhh - SHUT
UP, physiologist, noodle nurse, guy!!!!!
Here is what
you do, lard ass. First you realize that moving a fork from a plate to
your pie hole is not exercise. Next, try and develop bulimia. If that
doesn't work, develop a really bad crystal meth habit and the weight
will be gone in mere weeks.
Plus, if
you stick with the habit all your teeth will fall out, so you won't have
to worry about the hassle of brushing them any more.
Damn, that is
good advice. Me thinks me should write a self-help book.
Tuesday, 16, 2007
CPS Energy Removes Noose From
Manager's Cubicle
A noose that
hung in a cubicle of a CPS Energy manager's office has been removed,
utility officials said Monday.
CPS Energy
officials said the noose, which had been hanging for 10 years, was taken
down following recent media reports that showed a picture of the noose
in the cubicle.
Paula
Gold-Williams, a vice president for the municipally-owned natural gas
and electric company, said that the employee received the noose as a
gift 10 years ago.
Political
correctness is a cancer that is eating our country alive, and every cure
for it is being rejected. When I see stories like this, it makes me
think that humanity might deserve to be wiped out for giving credence to
such mind numbing stupidity.
"Within the
context of when he got it, it was very benign," Gold-Williams said.
"Everybody understood it. But, again, when you're in an environment
where everything is changing, people may wonder why it's up there."
But David Van
Os, an attorney representing various civil and human rights groups which
protested outside CPS Energy offices on Monday, said that the noose
represents a culture of repression and vindictiveness toward employees
of the utility company. .............which the protesters said was a Ku
Klux Klan reference.
Ku Klux Klan???
Bullsh*t!! Note to Dick...... errrr.... I mean David, Nooses were around
WAY, WAY, WAY before slavery here in America. Slavery was around, all
over the planet, LONG before America was formed.
Your appalling,
pathetic, antics are exactly why no one takes real civil rights
issues seriously. Keep crying "wolf" - it won't be long before everyone
stops listening. WHAP!
Sorry for the
short news, guys - spent my evening watching my Falcons SUCK on Monday
Night football. See you tomorrow.
Monday, 15, 2007
Search for state Rep. Briley ends
in casino
State Rep. Rob
Briley was found Wednesday afternoon, apparently "rational and
competent," at a Tunica, Miss., casino after his brother earlier filed a
missing-person report on him, Metro police reported.
The Nashville
Democrat rented a red Ford Mustang earlier this week and left the rehab
facility he checked into after his Sept. 8 arrest in Wilson County on
drunken driving and other charges.
Because Briley
voluntarily checked himself into the Cumberland Heights treatment
center, Tunica County authorities did not take him into custody when
they found him.
"He gave lucid,
rational answer to questions," Metro Police spokesman Don Aaron said.
That is
unbelievable, drunk or sober, considering he is from Tennessee. Not to
mention that he is a politician.
Rob Briley
"made overtones he was suicidal" on the phone with his brother"......
Lord O' Lord,
if holding office would only make more politicians felt that way.
His arrest in
Wilson County resulted in a widely circulated video showing him ranting,
swearing and suggesting the arresting officers shoot him.
Again, if only
more politicians would make that suggestion. Whap!
Man crushed to death by
small-gauge rail car
A caboose tipped over at a small-gauge railroad
demonstration Saturday west of Northfield,
Minn., killing a volunteer who tried to prevent
the accident.
William Paget, 68, of Savage, was serving as the
brakeman on the caboose, the only rail car
attached to the engine as it rounded a curve at
less than walking speed, the Rice County
Sheriff's Office said.
Paget jumped off the rear of the caboose and
tried to keep it from tipping over, but the car
fell on him about 2:30 p.m., the statement said.
He was pronounced dead at the accident scene,
which was on private property in Webster
Township.
Three adults and five children were in the
caboose, the statement said
That gives new
meaning to going out of your way to catch a train.
Bus crashes into Brisbane
retirement village
A Brisbane City Council bus driver has escaped with
minor injuries after he lost control of his vehicle
and crashed into a retirement village on the city's
south side.
Police say the driver swerved onto the footpath on
Carindale Street at Carindale this morning, and
drove through a fence and garden bed before slamming
his bus into a duplex at the retirement village.
The accident caused significant damage to the
building but no one else was hurt.
I can
just picture all the 'villagers running out of their
duplexes, waving shovels and screaming, "Get off my
lawn!!!!!!"
Second Citronelle Murder in a Week
Leon Roberson's
Saturdays are always the same: the back of a flat bed truck, his friends
and the fruitful exchange of information. He says, "used to be you know
everybody in Citronelle. everybody know one another, but now, since it's
growing and growing...you kinda lose..."
This guy done
got himself a strangle hold on proper grammarism.
Today's
topic of conversation is Citronelle's most recent murder. Authories
found the bodies of Larry and Chelle Guy behind this door. Investigators
say the husband and wife had been separated for months. They were both
shot in the head, one lot over from where Roberson sits. And yet, he
says, "it really doesn't bother me."
It is citronelle's second murder in a week. Sheriff's deputies arrested
Melanie Jones Tuesday for shooting her husband outside his auto repair
shop. Leon knew Bobby Jones and is taking it all in stride.
He says, "the community is concerned about it. But after it done
happened, there ain't a thing you can do about it."
There sure
ain't. I done agreed with him on that.
Some of the locals, like Wayne Malone, say murders are a part of any
town, "things happen every once in a while, but I reckon it's gonna
happen. Things happen everywhere.
"Things
happen everywhere." What a profound statement! This guy must be a
philosopher. A modern day.... Aristotle - with a 40 in one hand and a
blunt in the other.
NBC 15 spoke to Citronelle Authorites Saturday
night, they us that the autopsy show Larry Guy shot his wife, Chelle,
three times, with the final shot proving fatal.
Then,
according to police, Guy shot himself.
Darwin just completed his obligation of dumping the chlorine in the gene
pool.
Who sounds stupider in this town? The people or the reporters?
"Authorites ,
citronelle's, NBC 15 spoke to Citronelle Authorites Saturday night,
they us that the autopsy show Larry Guy shot his wife.."
WHAP!! WHAP!!! Stupid libs! WHAP!!!
It has been
reported that Keith Olberman loves his goat, and will strenuously fight
any accusations of bestiality.
Aiming for Rock Paper Scissors
champ
After
travelling nearly 30,000 km between them, Cam "The Man" Blair and Ricky
"Balboa" Sheahan were ready for some serious beer-swilling at last
night's Rock Paper Scissors World Championship in Toronto.
The two teens
were also psyched to defend their national RPS titles against some 500
competitors at the sixth annual event, held at the Steam Whistle
Brewery.
"We are both
here for the same reason," Sheahan said. "We both had our airfares and
accommodation paid for because we are the best in our countries. There's
no doubt about it."
The pair also
joked that the Aussie and Kiwi tolerance for boatloads of alcohol would
put their Canadian, American and European opponents at a disadvantage in
the brewery.
Ted Kennedy
said, "Bullsh*t!!! Bring it on !!!! Burp!"
Seriously
though, we now have a rock, paper, scissors championship????
This world is
way too fat, dumb, lazy and stupid to go on. WHAP!!
Friday, 11, 2007
Idlewild Park worker accused of
making bomb threats
An
employee of Idlewild Park told police he called in two
bomb threats to the park over the weekend because he
didn't want to go to work, according to an affidavit.
Didn't anyone ever explain the finer points of how to
call in sick to this guy? Just call your boss and tell
him that you have painful, throbbing, plum sized
hemorrhoids hanging out of your ass - it will make him
so uncomfortable that he won't ask any more question and
will tell you to take as much time as you need.
My
guess, though, is that this retarded bum has already
used up all of his sick days sleeping off hangovers.
WHAP!!!
Robert A. Deemer, 21, of New Florence, was arraigned
Tuesday in Ligonier and faces a preliminary hearing Oct.
19.
Mr. Deemer is accused of using his cell phone to call in
threats on Saturday and Sunday, causing a massive police
response, a delay in the park's opening and traffic jams
on Route 30.
In
court papers, Ligonier Township police said park
employees recognized his voice on 911 tapes made of the
calls. Mr. Deemer initially denied making the calls but
later admitted he did it so he wouldn't have to show up
for work.
He
used his own phone and didn't even try to disguise his
voice? DUH!!!!
Darwin is seeing this and licking his chops.
"you will be mine soon!"
Public censure for judge who said
lawyer had 'nice butt'
When a local
judge laughingly said in open court that criminal defense lawyer Ruth
Boyer had "a nice butt," she was not flattered.
Get her some
Midol!
The sexist
comment by LaGrange Town Justice Edmund Caplicki, made in July 2005, was
reported to the state Commission on Judicial Conduct, which yesterday
publicly scolded the jurist for his "inappropriate" remark.
Caplicki, 62,
told the watchdog group he was merely parroting the comments Boyer's
client - a man accused of theft - had made about the lawyer's backside.
But the panel noted the jurist not only quizzed three other male
defendants on whether they agreed with the evaluation, but then
mentioned it again to Boyer.
"Is that so
bad?" Caplicki was quoted by the commission as asking Boyer, laughing as
he spoke.
'Judge.
You're old. I'm old. Lock and load. Before we're dead. ..... she is the
woman I've always dreamed of. An angel in the bedroom and a whore in the
kitchen.
"It's
fun being me. I'm Denny Crane. Even the sound of my name fascinates.
I'm Denny.... Denny Crane.
Keith
Olbermann is
Thursday, 10, 2007
Brain Found in Bag Near
Richmond, Va.
A brain was found in a
bag
near an apartment complex Tuesday morning, but it wasn't clear if it was
human or animal, police said.
Well, we know it
doesn't belong to a Democrat because they never had one in the first place.
It was
discovered in an area next to a suburban Richmond apartment complex under
construction and near a mall, Richmond police spokeswoman Karla Peters said.
The state
medical examiner
was examining the brain, she said. It wasn't clear how long it had been
there.
C. Fla. cop sues family
after saving baby
SHOVELLINE -CASSELBERRY, Fla. -- A police
officer has sued the family of a 1-year-old boy who nearly drowned because
she slipped and injured a knee responding to their 9-1-1 rescue call.
Huh???? This bitch should be drug out back and beat to death with a
shovel!!! WHAP! Suing for doing her f***ing job!!!!!!?????? Her f***ing
JOB!!!!!!! How did this moron make it through the academy? P.C. is going to
bring this country to its knees.
Joey
Cosmillo f ell into the family pool in January. He was resuscitated but
suffered brain damage and now cannot walk, talk or swallow. He lives in a
nursing home and eats and breathes through tubes.
She limps
around bitching. Worthless whore!! I hope she gets an ungodly, incurable,
oozing vaginal itch!
Casselberry
police Sgt. Andrea Eichhorn claims the boy's family left a puddle of water
on the floor, causing her fall during the rescue efforts. She broke her knee
and missed two months of work.
Eichhorn's
attorney, David Heil, said she now has persistent knee pain and will likely
develop arthritis. He said city benefits paid by workers' compensation and
some disability checks helped with medical bills, but it wasn't enough.
Both this asshole
lawyer and this pig..... eeeeeerrrrr... cop, need to be removed from any job
that involves dealing with anything that has to do with the law. If they
somehow win this suit, you can say goodbye to public service. People will
start to fear calling 911. Surely the judge will laugh this out of court and
this bitch will be forced to go back to her true calling in life -
collecting diseases. (in her vagina) I'm not going to mention what I hope
happens to the attorney. WHAP!
"To serve and
protect" ummmm..... "To sue and collect"
Tuesday, 09,
2007
'Naked
Lunch' May Be Banned in Maine
"Naked Lunch" just
doesn't sound appetizing to some people.
Especially if you
are catching Rosie O'Fat slurping down a Crisco, sausage, and Spam bisque
and then taking the plunge.
A sandwich called
the Skinny Dip, featuring sliced prime rib in a baguette roll, has been
offered free of charge anyone willing to plunge naked from The Black Frog
Restaurant's dock into a lake.
Since the free
sandwich offer was introduced three years ago, owner Leigh Turner has found
plenty of takers. "We've had two or three a week," he said.
But now the
promotion is running into trouble: A patron apparently suggested to
selectmen that the activity be banned.
There is a
fun-sponge at every turn.
Go mind your own
business, you****** *** ****** **** *****. If you don't like it - don't go
there to eat, you whining ass freak! Take a shovel and beat yourself to
death! Please!
The naked lunch
issue surfaced this week when Town Manager John Simko presented the Black
Frog's application to renew its liquor license. Simko said he had been
approached about the nudity and suggested that Police Chief Scott MacMaster
speak to the owner.
The skinny dip was
typically done at night, no frontal nudity was exposed to customers and a
towel was readily available, Turner said. "Most everybody applauded" after
the plunge, Turner said.
My guess is the
"skinny dip" was actually a "fat dip"!! Whap! i.e. celluloid riddled
lard-asses who you wouldn't want to see naked were jumping for the free
sandwich. That is fine though, it would be worth the laugh.
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